Mommy you let my sister die!

[kiki04]

Its your fault... you didnt save her ....

Yup these are the things my 4 yr old daughter has started saying to me lately. I know she doesnt understand but it really took me off guard! I had to explain to her that if I could have had it any differently, if there was ANYTHING I could have done to save her I would have, and that those are really hurtful things to say and that she shouldnt say those things anymore. I thought we were past this but I guess not.

 

[xforuiholdonx]

O my god hunny

 

[due3may12]

aw no sorry to hear she's reacting this way! xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

That must hurt SO bad, I am so sorry. It isn't her fault she is to young to know what she is saying She probably hears talking about the loss and at 4 it is processed differently in her mind, so she thinks you had something to do with it. I would sit her down and have a really heart to heart talk and explain all you can to her so she knows mommy did everything possible for her sister . Just remind her how much you love her and one day she will understand. I hope you are ok , I know even though you know your daughter does NOT mean or know what she is saying that you still are hurt I am sorry, please talk with her...

 

[Hellylou]

That's so tough to hear, I'm sorry. Children at that age just say whatever they think without understanding what it can do to those that hear it. She's really not looking at it with any kind of real understanding. For children things are very black and white. I know it's hard but just remember she doesn't know what she's saying, and what might seem perfectly sensible in her head is very hurtful to you, but she really wont realise that.

Now you've told her she mustn't say that, hopefully she will stop, but try not to take it to heart - I know that is much easier said than done. Just remember, at 4 she has no concept of the reality of any of this. She would never want to hurt you, and has no idea how her words have hurt, so try not to take them to heart, ok?

 

[OliveBay]

Oh Krissy, it must have hurt so much to hear these things. As the others have said, please try to remember that your daughter has only said these things to try and make sense of what has happened. Children at that age are still very innocent and do not really understand what death really means, let alone understand what feelings you will personally be going through right now. I think you could even see it as a positive thing that your little girl is telling you how she feels and not bottling it up or showing her sadness in other ways, like through her behaviour. She has obviously been really affected by losing her sister and as painful as it is for you, I imagine all you can do is keep explaining it to her in as simple language as possible. Just remember your daughter's comments are coming from a place of innocent sadness and not a malicious intent to upset you. Stay strong honey

 

[Vickieh1981]

Oh man that is a killer isn't it?? Luke was just turned 5 when Isabella died and he kept going on about it being because I didn't eat enough and she starved or I ate the wrong thing or something else I did.

The guilt was bad enough before that but that just about killed me tbh.I'm so sorry you had to deal with that

 

[Nikki_d72]

Oh I'm so sorry honey, that must be so hard to deal with. Huge hugs to you. Would she go to counselling do you think? Is there anyone she could talk to to express these feelings that specialises in counselling small children through grief?

xxx

 

[xtina6143]

Ouch! I can't imagine how that must make you feel, I know you know she doesn't know better so I hope that gives you a little comfort. I'm sorry for your loss. Hugs

 

[kiki04]

Thanks It wasn't as much painful to hear because I know the truth, but more awkward. You just kind of sit there dumbfounded until you realize the accusatory person is four. And she is your daughter, who doesn't understand. So you awkwardly tell her something she doesn't really understand anyways Once I explained to her that mommy would have NEVER let one of her babies die, and that if I could have changed it, I would have, and that those things can hurt my feelings because I am just as sad that Hadlee is gone, I think she more so clicked on the hurting my feelings part. Not anything to do with me changing things if I could. But as long as she is aware that things she says can effect people in a negative or hurtful way, she at least gained something out of that conversation and maybe will think twice about some things... ah who amI kidding.. SHE'S FOUR!