Money vs Contact... can't decide.

[Jetters]

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[mum2beagain]

i would agree with your family hun if he cant be responible and pay up then no contact however you could just go to child support agencie and theyll make him pay hun x

 

[purpledahlia]

All or nothing IMO x

 

[suzanne108]

I agree...he needs to pay up. Have you tried the CSA route? x

 

[teal]

I agree it's all or nothing. It's not fair he's only involved in the fun parts - he needs to support the baby aswell! xx

 

[MissEfendi]

I actually don't want money from the ex, he thinks money means control and rights to the baby, hell no, it was and only has ever been about his ability to be a good decent dad, so I forgo the money, he is having no hold over me, so he has no excuses to come out with, all he has to do is be a decent dad.

 

[Emma1980]

no money no contact!

 

[expecting09]

Agree with the majority, why should he be able to stay in contact with them when he can't put any money towards there upbringing

 

[sweetlullaby]

Also agree with majority why should he get the fun parts? A man in his 40's with two teenagers surely he knows how expensive and tight money is when you have LO's?? I would go through Csa...though if he owns his own buisness could be harder egtting money as he could lie about his income etc....i think lol xx

 

[Jetters]

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[MissEfendi]

In my case my ex is Jewish so he makes money a big issue about everything, he is so tight and when he is sharing his money he keeps going on and on and he thinks paying money towards his son means he has complete control he said and I quote " I am paying, so I see him whenever I want" I dont think so and no he is not having control so he can skip the money and see his son, so least my son will know it has never been about money with me, it has always been about his ability to be a dad.

 

[sleepinbeauty]

Regardless of if he's there or not, he has to pay. You didn't climb up on top of yourself and get pregnant, you know.

 

[Linz88]

omg my ex expects the same thing.. wel he wants me to get an abortion but because i wont he says he feels he has to stick around to make sure i raise the baby properly cause he doesnt trust me :S...i reli do think hez a bit mad.. neways he says he'll buy a few by clothes n giv me £50 a mnth.. that is £7.50 a week.. :s u cnt raise a baby on 7.50 a week

 

[Lu28]

I'm not a single mummy so don't want to but in but I have dealt with these kinds of cases down the line when children are a bit older. I've had a few cases where mum denied contact because dad didn't pay child support and the most common reaction of the children when they hear this is to resent mum. All children have the right to know both their parents and should be protected from issues like money.

Just another perspective as I've seen it backfire very badly for mums

 

[purpledahlia]

Yeah i do see that valid point too. I dont want to stop him seeing her just because Ava will be hurt by that, but i also really dont want him too see her cos i know HE will hurt her and let her down.. so its kinda a loose loose situation. I guess we should do what we thinkgs best untill they can talk and decide themselves, then see where it goes. I do think he should pay if he wants to see her, he should def help. even if the money he helps with gets put into her acc. its something. even a small amount will add up and by the time shes 18 could probably buy a car.

 

[Jetters]

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[Lu28]

That's the thing, kids don't understand mums' very understandable and justifiable resentment of absent fathers. I grew up in a one parent household and had so much of an easier time of it than some of my friends because neither parent would criticise the other in front of us, talk about money etc etc. As far as they were concerned, they were adult issues and not for us to be worried about. As we became much older (ie teenagers), we saw how difficult things were for mum and we made our own judgments about my dad and never held resentment toward mum.

Purpledahlia made a point about not being sure about contact because she's worried LO's father will let LO down - a totally valid issue about whether contact should take place but also very separate from the money element

 

[purpledahlia]

yeah. Its very hard, And like any parent i guess we just have to take it as it appears and decide things when they crop up. We just have to do what we think it right at the time. Judge it as we see it at the time, some kids are way more sensitive than others, so they would be more hurt than some. i guess will just weigh it up when it comes to it. As it stands FOB hasnt outright even asked to come up, and said if i call CSA then he will demand a DNA test, because i wouldnt give him my bank details - when it suited him, i wanted it formally, even tho ill get less while im on benefits. so shes 8 weeks tomorrow and hes not even seen her.. i dont think ill have to worry to much about arguments about visitation for now!

 

[Lu28]

yeah. Its very hard, And like any parent i guess we just have to take it as it appears and decide things when they crop up. We just have to do what we think it right at the time. Judge it as we see it at the time, some kids are way more sensitive than others, so they would be more hurt than some. i guess will just weigh it up when it comes to it. As it stands FOB hasnt outright even asked to come up, and said if i call CSA then he will demand a DNA test, because i wouldnt give him my bank details - when it suited him, i wanted it formally, even tho ill get less while im on benefits. so shes 8 weeks tomorrow and hes not even seen her.. i dont think ill have to worry to much about arguments about visitation for now!

Charming

 

[purpledahlia]

They have no idea do they, missing out on so much.