Morbid thoughts

[Kte]

Chloe is 4, 5 in October and has recently started on with 'I don't want to die' 'If I die please bury me 'X' and so on, asking many questions about death. I think I have heard that it's pretty common for her age, does anyone have any tips? I have tried to talk about it with her honestly but just wondered if there were any good books or websites that I can look at with her to help?

 

[seoj]

I still remember having morbid thoughts- I was maybe 6-7yrs? But it was after a classmate sadly passed away- so I was kinda faced with the reality of it all. I just remember my Mom (like you) being honest and open but obviously child appropriate. Reassuring me etc... it pestered my brain for a while, but eventually I moved on and didn't make a big deal of it.

I think your doing right. Not sure of any books- but I'm sure just having you to talk to and get that reassurance is very helpful for her!

 

[Abigailly]

Honestly, I wouldn't bother with books etc. They can often just confuse them as you never find one which shares your beliefs entirely.

I would carry on being open and honest with her and then try and distract. After my grandad died DD spent 4 months constantly talking about death. It was horrible but she soon got over it!

 

[JASMAK]

It's normal for people of all ages to think about this. Even adults.

 

[hattiehippo]

I'd just answer her questions when they come up and keep it low key. I think getting books etc would make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Tom has asked and talked about death and dying for about 6 months now. We get lots of comments like 'I'll still love you when you're dead mummy' or 'when you die does the love go on mummy?' He's just trying to get his head around a very difficult concept.

They had a book at preschool on Tuesday about a very old badger who died and his friends were very sad and that trigger off a whole evening of questions about dying and what happens when you die.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Lucas is obsessing about death a bit lately. I find it very hard to answer him because I'm trying to be completely honest but it upsets him a lot, I don't know a nicer way of saying "yes, you will die, everyone dies, there's no way of knowing when, I have no idea if you will wake up somewhere else, no-one knows what happens after death". He pleads with me then to find out I had it all day yesterday, telling me he doesn't want to die.

Honestly I don't know how to talk about it, having no religious or spiritual beliefs to comfort him with. There are things called 'death cafes', which sound horribly macabre, but it's like a meetup group where people go to discuss death openly (sort of to challenge the taboo of it I guess). I've seen them held locally and considered going along, alone, to get some info/advice on talking to children. I think he's just too young yet though, it's confusing enough for him.
There are charities though that help deal with the subject, not so much bereavement just talking about death in general. I don't know about nationally but there's one in Liverpool called The Bucket Project, I've seen them at the library and they seem helpful enough. Something like that might have pamphlets etc to help?

 

[the why bird]

They had a book at preschool on Tuesday about a very old badger who died and his friends were very sad and that trigger off a whole evening of questions about dying and what happens when you die.

I think this book is called 'Badger's parting gifts' in case anyone wants to look it up. If you look it up on amazon you'll see tons of other suggestions too, but most of those books are aimed at children who have already been through a loss and very much deal with grief and bereavement rather than what death is, so might cause more worry out of context.

 

[hattiehippo]

They had a book at preschool on Tuesday about a very old badger who died and his friends were very sad and that trigger off a whole evening of questions about dying and what happens when you die.

I think this book is called 'Badger's parting gifts' in case anyone wants to look it up. If you look it up on amazon you'll see tons of other suggestions too, but most of those books are aimed at children who have already been through a loss and very much deal with grief and bereavement rather than what death is, so might cause more worry out of context.

If def triggered off lots of questions that night but he wasn't too worried.

I'm not particularly religious so tend to say to Tom that some people think that when our bodies die our spirits (the part of us that's in our heads and is us) carries on but no one really knows. But we always remember the people we love that die so they are still always with us. This seems to work for him and he tells me this back now when we talk about it.

 

[cookette]

My step daughter went through this when she was 7. We actually caught her holding he breath in the back seat sometimes and she'd say she wanted to die to she could go be with Jesus and heaven. We just didnt make a huge fuss over it but would handle each situation calmly like it wasnt a big deal. She grew out of it.

 

[JASMAK]

I don't know where the other half of my post went. .. but I tell my kids They go to heaven. When our cat died there was a cute book about cats in heaven. We aren't terribly religious and my kids can make their own choices when they learn more. They interpret heaven in their own way and often tell me what they think it is.