My 3 year old son got diagnosed with Autism and feeling very lost and bitter

[shirlls]

Last week we got the results of my son's autism screening. We were told he is on the spectrum however if his developmental progress continues at the rate it's going, they said he is high functioning.

I just feel so lost, he is still our little boy and it certainly won't affect how much we love him, but we are still heartbroken. I am scared for his future and feeling so overwhelmed by all the information we got about support groups, money advice, etc.

Then there is family.... My mum has gone into denial and saying they don't know what they are talking about and must be wrong, keeps saying we shouldn't say to anyone because of the stigma. To hell with what people think!! This is causing more stress than the diagnosis itself!

OH and I have also been arguing as he keeps wanting to try cutting out specific food groups in his diet as he read how it can alleviate symptoms. My son barely eats as it is as he is so fussy so no chance am I changing anything to do with food at the moment.

Oh, and then there are the 'perfect mothers' I know, mainly acquaintances, who feel the need to moan about the stress they have with their children who don't have any conditions or delays. One in particular who seems to think she is hard up because her son won't go down until 8:30pm because he keeps asking for a glass of water and needing a poo. My son has speech delay and I would give my left arm for him to ask for a glass of water and use the toilet (he isn't potty trained yet). I know it is all relevant to her and I don't mean to dismiss her worries or moans but just at this moment in time I want to grab her and give her a shake and tell her to stop moaning and be grateful.

I also have 1 year old twins and they are a handful so everything is just getting on top of me right now and I am struggling a bit with it all.

Thanks for listening x

 

[Nibblenic]

First of all

Its sometimes a shock to have these things confirmed and you certainly wont be the first parent to feel this way.

Personally I would seek out forums/fB groups with adults with autism and you'll realise that life infact does go on and these children with ASD become adults with ASD who tbh do better than the worst case senario you make in your head.

My husband is in the aspergers part of the ASD spectrum, no one really knows he is ASD to look at him. Even people who know him dont really think it. Yes when theyre told they are like, oh yeah i kind of see that. He works full time, is a brilliant husband and father, is half way through his degree. Hes a good bloke, yes he has some quirks, yes some things we have to work around, but nothing life ending by any means.

Try not to worry, also sod your mother and if your OH thinks a piece of fruit will resolve the issues he needs to educate himself, that will actually help your son

 

[willow25]

I also got an ASD diagnosis for my four year old daughter last week and despite being the one who initiated the assessment, I found myself on a bit of a downer last week just processing the whole thing, I also have worries about the future, but I also know that she constantly amazes me with things she learns and achieves ( she is also at the high functioning end of the spectrum ) , my mum used to make me feel useless about things like her not being toilet trained by three etc, but my LO went nappy free two months before her fourth birthday - she still has issues with poos, but we're getting there. I go to a local support group which I find really useful and I have found a lot of comfort in knowing that I'm not alone .

I have read plenty about dietary changes, but my little girl barely eats so I have no intentions of restricting the few things she is prepared to eat.

Feel free to pm me if you want an asd buddy

 

[smurff]

Just put a thread on hear actually about my LG, she has development delay poss learning difficulties, I was just saying how annoying it is that were in limbo cause nobody is giving a reason why my LG is the way she is. I have always suspected autism but I can't get an answer off anyone. Proberly won't sound right but it's good you have been told why your lo is the way they are. Like I said I've suspected it for a while but if someone actually told me it was autism I'd still be shocked and utterly devastated. My first thought would be about her future but autism is a massive spectrum, I know someone who's son is 8 and is completey in a world of there own, will stare at nothing all day and hasn't ever made a sound let alone utter a word, I also know someone who's son us classed as autistic because he'll only eat chips and nothing else, he's also just graduated and is off to Oxford. 1 lady I spoke to a while ago didn't realise her husband was put on autistic spectrum at a young age and she had been married to him for 20 yrs. As I say at least you know and can get correct help now, as for your mum well she's obviously in denial and is prob finding it hard to understand. Your child sounds like they are doing well and no matter what he's always your child just the same as my LG will always be my LG and I wouldn't change a thing about her cause the probs she has is what makes her her and I couldn't love her and her younger brother any more than I do. Chin up its not the end of the world, everything will work out ok xxxx

 

[smurff]

Since posting my last reply I've been told our LG prob has autism, my god what a shock, we have suspected it for a long time but nothing at all can prepare you for finally hearing it out loud. Like you said it's complety devastating and has knocked me for six, Also my other biggest fear was that she'd have probs at school and we were told yesterday that she'll need help and prob needs to go to a school with additional help. I've calmed down a bit now but the future really scares me to.

 

[Bentleymom]

Have you ever read the poem " welcome to holland"? When my son was first diagnosed his doctor gave me this poem. Google it. It describes the feelings of what we as parents of special needs children expericne exactly! I still read it to this day because it helps that much. Don't worry. This is a constant grieving process and even though I've known my son has had autsim for years now I still cycle through the process. It's tough, but learn to let go of any expectations who had for your child- which is hard, and learn to set one ones based on his abilities, and when he is able to accomplish those, even very small things, like using a word appropriately or showing developmental progress, you will be so happy and proud! I've learned I cannot compare my son to what I expected him to be or to other child. I had to learn to re-wire my brain and become a autsim momma. It's hard long journy, and I still struggle, but with time, this too shall pass. And that's the honest truth. My son is low-fucntioning and will never be able to live on his own and when ppl used to first tell me this I was so offended and didn't listien. But wih time, on my own, I began to understand and see why his docs said that. Now, his and father and I look forward to always having our best friend with is through life. All any parent wants for their child is to be happy and healthy. So, at the end of the day, as long as my son had those two things. I'm grateful. Find a way to see the glass as half full. Now this isn't to say I don't have bad days, which I do , and you will too. But like I said, with time it will pass and things do get easier. Feel free to ask me for my email if you wanna chat. I found an awesome way to potty train my son. If he was verbal, he'd be totally potty trained.

 

[Thurinius]

Sympathy and hugs to you.
My son was diagnosed autistic in May last year and it came as a complete shock.
It takes a lot of time to process it I found. We went through the whole grieving process for the life we thought he'd have.
But over time you adjust.
The good news is that how your son is now is not how he' ll be forever.
My son is now 5 and completely different to the 4 year old who was diagnosed.
He talks a lot. He comes running into the kitchen to show me something he finds fascinating,
He can read and write his name and do sums. He's even made friends at school something I never considered was possible when he was first diagnosed.

Your life will be different. But that doesn't mean worse.