My life in poetry- a general journal encompassing my writing

[MaskedKitteh]

Hi. My name is Alice, I'm 20, engaged and have two little boys, Luke (2) and Thomas 'tommy' (8 months)

I've been through a lot of crap in my life and since I was 14 have been using my poetry to come to terms with it all. I'm going to use this as a general journal and also as somewhere to share my poetry. Enjoy.

-mods, please move this if it's in the wrong place.

 

[MaskedKitteh]

A breif overview of my life so far.

I was born to a married couple 6 weeks prematurely, they had already lost children at 20 and 25 weeks.
As I grew up I saw a lot, I was bullied for years and years, both at school and my older family members, my father would drink, a lot and my mother was depressed. At 10 years old, my parents divorced. I was a huge daddies girl so it really shook ne to my core. Horrifically depressed myself by this point, I began to self harm.
I progressed in this manner for years, I was bullied and emotionally abused by my aunt, she tried to turn my entire family against me, I watched her threaten my grandmother with a knife.
When I was 14 I was in an abusive relationship and used for many things against my will. I fell pregnant and suffered a miscarriage at this time.
At this age I got involved with a poetry slam, I started to write. I was starting to cut severely at this point.
At 16 my mother (who paid little to no attention most of my teenage years) caught me self harming. She put me into therapy, but I spiralled worse and worse to the point that my doctors signed me off college as I was in the midst of a breakdown and was suicidal.
Shortly after this I met irl Charlie, my amazing Fiancee. We began dating 2/2/2009 and we changed our lives.
We moved in together on the 19/7/2009 and found out that I was expecing in the August. Our first son was born on the 4/5/2010 and we moved put of my mums on 8/1/2011. Our second son was born 9/11/2011. We moved house again January this year, and that leaves us where we are now. 3.5 years together, 3 years living together and 3 years without cutting.

 

[MaskedKitteh]

The scent of coffee fills my nostrils,
The same way that music jumps into my ears,
My mind,
Telling words I cannot articulate,
Songs telling other peoples lives,
Translate into mine,
And I swim,
In a sea of crotchets and quavers,
Music and lyrics,
Wishing one day to be creating it,
Throwing the rope to the girl in my place,
She is drowning,
But music seems to save her,
It rules her life,
People tell her to grow up,
To remove the headphones now weilded to her ears,
But she doesn't care,
Because it's there,
Always,
Music a tissue willing to accept her sorrow,
You can tell a lot about someone from the contents of their iPod,
At first glance hers is that of a happy girl,
But look deeper,
Look to the many songs that reference self harm,
Brush it off?
You say she's happy,
There's no need to worry,
Because according to you there's no way she's be that girl,
Rocking rythmically,
As she carves,
Failure,
Into her thigh with a blade,
No,
Of course not,
She's smart,
She knows better,
Doesn't she?
She just wishes you'd care,
Take enough intrest to wonder,
When did she last eat?
why does she never show her 'perfect' limbs anymore?
The clues are there,
But you can't see,
Can you?
She told you food scares her,
But you laughed it off,
Surely she should be the naive one,
At 16,
She shouldn't have seen what she has,
She knows great pain,
Others cannot begin to imagine,
She isn't loved,
So
She makes her own safety net,
Knits together,
Music,
And razorblades,
Just
To
Survive.