J04NN4
Mum of Felix
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- Oct 30, 2011
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Well where to begin?! It all started on the morning of Friday 14th December when we set off for a routine appointment at the hospital (80 miles away). My due date was the 16th so I was desperately hoping to have had my baby already and not make it to this appointment so I was in a foul mood. About 2 miles from the house we then slid off the road on a patch of ice, scraped all up the side of the car and cracked our screen wash bottle. Cue a very stressful journey with me dangling my arm out of the window squirting water onto the windscreen 
We arrived at the hospital and things slowly but surely became very eventful. First a midwife told me my baby was suddenly breech - not what one wants to hear at 39+5 when baby has been head down for about ten weeks - so off we trek to the day unit for a scan. Baby was absolutely fine, head down, locked and loaded ready to go. So back to the consultant's office where my blood pressure was checked and it was suddenly scary high. There was talk of pre eclampsia and induction - now. Cue the consultant herself arriving, checking with the right sized cuff and confirming it was actually fine. I took this opportunity to ask for a sweep - I didn't travel 80-odd miles to the hospital just to have my blood pressure checked - and they agreed and performed it at about midday. I was already 2cm dilated but still high and thick - but the consultant said she'd be very surprised if she didn't see me in labour over the next two days. I was thrilled until they got the doppler out and said baby had reacted badly to the sweep and had quite a serious heart rate drop. I was off to the labour suite for more monitoring. Baby (we didn't know the sex at this point) recovered absolutely fine but during the monitoring they decided they were still very unhappy with my blood pressure. They wanted to admit me there and then and induce me within the next few days. I was distraught and begged them to let me go on the condition that I didn't go home - I would stay in a hotel. They agreed and I was to return first thing the next morning.
I had been getting niggles and spotting continuously throughout the day after my sweep but thought little of it as I know so many other ladies who've experienced the same thing only to have it tail off. I myself had gone to bed every night for the previous fortnight having strong and regular cramps and expecting to wake up in labour and as yet nothing had happened. But lo and behold at about 10.30 that night contractions started - consistently at 5 minutes apart from the first one. After about two hours I rang the labour suite who told me to wait until I was getting 3 in ten minutes rather than two - but after another two hours I was in so much pain that we headed to the hospital. They examined me and I was gutted to find out I was still only 2cm, but my cervix had thinned and effaced a fair bit. They decided to admit me at around 4am and OH was sent back to the hotel. I spent a horrible night in the hospital in loads of pain, alone and only offered paracetamol despite my protestations. I was dealing with my contractions by standing and leaning over the bed and a midwife kept coming in and telling me to lie down and get some rest, but lying down was agony, especially in my back (I later found out I had been experiencing back to back labour, but more on that later). At around 11am I lost my temper and demanded either something stronger for the pain or another examination. They reluctantly examined me - insisting I couldn't be in active labour as my contractions were still 5 minutes apart - and I could tell by the look on the midwife's face that I was much further along than they had thought - then she told me I was 6cm!! I was thrilled but pissed off as I had got myself so worked up by this point thinking I was still only 2cm, and if it hurt that bad so early on then how the hell would I cope with the rest?! So here I was, 6cm and being admitted, and OH was still asleep in the hotel on the other side of the city. He arrived not long after I was settled on the labour ward and had finally got some gas and air. I had hoped to use just gas and air and have a water birth but they decided that because of my blood pressure I couldn't use the pool. The disappointment of this combined with the exhaustion and the fact I had laboured in such an uncomfortable way so far, in a crappy hotel and then alone and lying still in a ward meant I gave in and had some diamorphine. I was really disappointed with myself but I really couldn't have coped without. I so wanted a drug free birth but I'm no masochist and I wasn't going to torture myself on principle
So anyway that was how I remained for the next few hours, on diamorphine and using gas and air with each contraction - which were still every 5 minutes - happily bouncing away on my ball (a compromise as I wasn't allowed the pool).
At around 4pm they decided yet again that my blood pressure was too high. I needed continuous monitoring and to sit still on the bed. I was gutted as an active labour was so important to me - but it's not like I had any choice. I kept trying to remind myself how I felt when they told me the baby's heart rate had dropped the previous day and that at that moment I really couldn't have cared less how it came out as long as it was OK - perspective! So again, this was how I stayed for the next hour or so. They then decided things weren't progressing fast enough - my contractions were still 5 minutes apart and I was about 8cm so had only dilated a further 2cm in 5 or 6 hours - so they broke my waters, to speed things up and also to check it was clear as they were worried about the baby getting distressed after such a long time. This was yet another intervention that I really didn't want but by this stage my labour experience was so far removed from what I had imagined I just went with it. I had a minor freak out and a few tears but then buoyed myself up and got on with it. My husband also got far more of an eyeful then he ever expected as he had to shine a torch up there whilst she did it (!) as the movable spotlight thing in the room was broken. What felt like gallons of water poured out and thankfully it was all clear of meconium. It was at this point that I finally lost my plug; so much for all my symptom spotting in previous weeks! They also had to temporarily catheterise me as baby's head was in such a position that I couldn't empty my bladder, which they also suspected was slowing my labour down, and a further examination revealed the baby was back to back. She assured me some nice strong contractions could turn it round in time (baby had been in the right position 24 hours earlier - I blame constant monitoring and being forced to lie on my back) so they hooked me up to a syntocin drip to strengthen them. By this point I was taking it all in my stride - in fact I was pretty chilled throughout, I allowed myself a few minutes to freak out about each thing that went wrong but then thought right, well it is what it is and getting stressed about it will do literally nothing but make it worse. After just ten minutes on the drip I felt an overwhelming urge to push. The midwife examined me and I was fully dilated - and the baby had also turned back round to the right position! I was absolutely elated - and my contractions were STILL 5 minutes apart. All the way up until this point it somehow hadn't felt real, but now I was entering the second stage it finally felt like this was it - the baby was coming! My husband and I just grinned at each other between the next few contractions until things got really intense. I moved, despite the drip, to a kneeling position leaning over the back of the bed. The midwife wanted me to stay sitting/lying down but I had compromised enough by this point and I was having none of it! The pushing stage was just incredible - such a relief after 20 hours of contractions 5 minutes apart - and incredibly painful but in a totally different way to the contractions. It finally felt like a productive pain and the feeling of pushing, doing something to help, was amazing. I felt the baby move down what felt like incredibly fast but by this stage I didn't really know how much time was passing anyway. Crowning was just as I'd imagined, as much as you can ever imagine what it feels like to have a human emerge from your vagina - stretchy, burny, I felt so 'full' and yet knew the end was in sight - but my contractions were still so far apart, the wait for the next one was excruciating and each time felt like it was never going to come. The urge to push when there was no contraction was unbearable and I just kept telling myself that waiting would mean a little extra time now, whereas pushing when there was no urge could mean tearing that would take weeks to heal. The midwife talked me through slowly delivering the head and she and my OH were full of praise and encouragement. Finally the last contraction came and I felt the baby slide out, which was the most unsettling and incredible sensation I have ever felt; and the next few seconds between delivering the baby and my husband telling me he was a boy was the most exciting of my life. Felix was finally born at 7:01pm on 15th December after just 20 minutes of pushing. I had two small 2nd degree tears - one into my perineum and one at the side into my labia - and another deep graze in my labia too. I had skin to skin with Felix for about an hour whilst the placenta was delivered and we were cleaned up a bit and the paperwork filled in, then handed him to my husband for a snuggle whilst I got stitched up - gas and air was most definitely back on hand for that. We had to wait what felt like forever to find out his weight - and then even longer for her to convert it from kilograms (which I don't understand at all) into pounds - he was 8lb and half an ounce. The midwives were so impressed and complimentary and said I'd done fantastically at pushing - and that they would never have dreamt that was my first time giving birth if they hadn't known. I'm not sure if that's something they say to everyone but it was nice to hear all the same. I loved the pushing stage and afterwards told my husband I'd rather push another ten babies out than experience the contractions again. My mum says when she had me she breezed through the contractions and found the pushing excruciating, and I was over a pound less than Felix so obviously everyone is different But I loved it, it was empowering and amazing and whilst painful, was a good pain, almost pleasurable in fact.
After this I had a horrible night with a baby who refused to latch, unhelpful midwives and OH being sent home as by the time I was finally admitted to the post natal ward it was about 1am - but that's a whole other story. The feeding issues have been an ordeal and we still have a way to go but they have improved vastly since that first night. I'm so much more confident reading his cues now and also handling him, changing him etc. I'd never held a newborn baby before or ever changed a nappy and it all comes so quickly. I am healing well from the birth, peeing was pretty darn uncomfortable for around a week but only very sting-y, not painful as such. I also had horrendous piles but they've improved dramatically after applying all my lotions and potions religiously. It's hard to find the time when looking after a newborn but do it! If baby cries for a minute or two whilst you take care of yourself then so be it - they will benefit far more from a healthy and well mummy in the long run.
Overall my birth was so different to what I'd expected and hoped for - but it was fantastic. I loved it and would do it all again tomorrow. I have never been the most body confident person and all my years of worrying about inconsequential things like being flabby or not having straight teeth just disappeared - I just felt 'this is what my body is for'. That is what it's all about and I was good at it. I had to accept more help and intervention than I would have liked but I got my vaginal delivery and I delivered an 8lb baby with minimal stitching - so that to me is a resounding success and I'm really proud of myself
We arrived at the hospital and things slowly but surely became very eventful. First a midwife told me my baby was suddenly breech - not what one wants to hear at 39+5 when baby has been head down for about ten weeks - so off we trek to the day unit for a scan. Baby was absolutely fine, head down, locked and loaded ready to go. So back to the consultant's office where my blood pressure was checked and it was suddenly scary high. There was talk of pre eclampsia and induction - now. Cue the consultant herself arriving, checking with the right sized cuff and confirming it was actually fine. I took this opportunity to ask for a sweep - I didn't travel 80-odd miles to the hospital just to have my blood pressure checked - and they agreed and performed it at about midday. I was already 2cm dilated but still high and thick - but the consultant said she'd be very surprised if she didn't see me in labour over the next two days. I was thrilled until they got the doppler out and said baby had reacted badly to the sweep and had quite a serious heart rate drop. I was off to the labour suite for more monitoring. Baby (we didn't know the sex at this point) recovered absolutely fine but during the monitoring they decided they were still very unhappy with my blood pressure. They wanted to admit me there and then and induce me within the next few days. I was distraught and begged them to let me go on the condition that I didn't go home - I would stay in a hotel. They agreed and I was to return first thing the next morning.
I had been getting niggles and spotting continuously throughout the day after my sweep but thought little of it as I know so many other ladies who've experienced the same thing only to have it tail off. I myself had gone to bed every night for the previous fortnight having strong and regular cramps and expecting to wake up in labour and as yet nothing had happened. But lo and behold at about 10.30 that night contractions started - consistently at 5 minutes apart from the first one. After about two hours I rang the labour suite who told me to wait until I was getting 3 in ten minutes rather than two - but after another two hours I was in so much pain that we headed to the hospital. They examined me and I was gutted to find out I was still only 2cm, but my cervix had thinned and effaced a fair bit. They decided to admit me at around 4am and OH was sent back to the hotel. I spent a horrible night in the hospital in loads of pain, alone and only offered paracetamol despite my protestations. I was dealing with my contractions by standing and leaning over the bed and a midwife kept coming in and telling me to lie down and get some rest, but lying down was agony, especially in my back (I later found out I had been experiencing back to back labour, but more on that later). At around 11am I lost my temper and demanded either something stronger for the pain or another examination. They reluctantly examined me - insisting I couldn't be in active labour as my contractions were still 5 minutes apart - and I could tell by the look on the midwife's face that I was much further along than they had thought - then she told me I was 6cm!! I was thrilled but pissed off as I had got myself so worked up by this point thinking I was still only 2cm, and if it hurt that bad so early on then how the hell would I cope with the rest?! So here I was, 6cm and being admitted, and OH was still asleep in the hotel on the other side of the city. He arrived not long after I was settled on the labour ward and had finally got some gas and air. I had hoped to use just gas and air and have a water birth but they decided that because of my blood pressure I couldn't use the pool. The disappointment of this combined with the exhaustion and the fact I had laboured in such an uncomfortable way so far, in a crappy hotel and then alone and lying still in a ward meant I gave in and had some diamorphine. I was really disappointed with myself but I really couldn't have coped without. I so wanted a drug free birth but I'm no masochist and I wasn't going to torture myself on principle
So anyway that was how I remained for the next few hours, on diamorphine and using gas and air with each contraction - which were still every 5 minutes - happily bouncing away on my ball (a compromise as I wasn't allowed the pool). At around 4pm they decided yet again that my blood pressure was too high. I needed continuous monitoring and to sit still on the bed. I was gutted as an active labour was so important to me - but it's not like I had any choice. I kept trying to remind myself how I felt when they told me the baby's heart rate had dropped the previous day and that at that moment I really couldn't have cared less how it came out as long as it was OK - perspective! So again, this was how I stayed for the next hour or so. They then decided things weren't progressing fast enough - my contractions were still 5 minutes apart and I was about 8cm so had only dilated a further 2cm in 5 or 6 hours - so they broke my waters, to speed things up and also to check it was clear as they were worried about the baby getting distressed after such a long time. This was yet another intervention that I really didn't want but by this stage my labour experience was so far removed from what I had imagined I just went with it. I had a minor freak out and a few tears but then buoyed myself up and got on with it. My husband also got far more of an eyeful then he ever expected as he had to shine a torch up there whilst she did it (!) as the movable spotlight thing in the room was broken. What felt like gallons of water poured out and thankfully it was all clear of meconium. It was at this point that I finally lost my plug; so much for all my symptom spotting in previous weeks! They also had to temporarily catheterise me as baby's head was in such a position that I couldn't empty my bladder, which they also suspected was slowing my labour down, and a further examination revealed the baby was back to back. She assured me some nice strong contractions could turn it round in time (baby had been in the right position 24 hours earlier - I blame constant monitoring and being forced to lie on my back) so they hooked me up to a syntocin drip to strengthen them. By this point I was taking it all in my stride - in fact I was pretty chilled throughout, I allowed myself a few minutes to freak out about each thing that went wrong but then thought right, well it is what it is and getting stressed about it will do literally nothing but make it worse. After just ten minutes on the drip I felt an overwhelming urge to push. The midwife examined me and I was fully dilated - and the baby had also turned back round to the right position! I was absolutely elated - and my contractions were STILL 5 minutes apart. All the way up until this point it somehow hadn't felt real, but now I was entering the second stage it finally felt like this was it - the baby was coming! My husband and I just grinned at each other between the next few contractions until things got really intense. I moved, despite the drip, to a kneeling position leaning over the back of the bed. The midwife wanted me to stay sitting/lying down but I had compromised enough by this point and I was having none of it! The pushing stage was just incredible - such a relief after 20 hours of contractions 5 minutes apart - and incredibly painful but in a totally different way to the contractions. It finally felt like a productive pain and the feeling of pushing, doing something to help, was amazing. I felt the baby move down what felt like incredibly fast but by this stage I didn't really know how much time was passing anyway. Crowning was just as I'd imagined, as much as you can ever imagine what it feels like to have a human emerge from your vagina - stretchy, burny, I felt so 'full' and yet knew the end was in sight - but my contractions were still so far apart, the wait for the next one was excruciating and each time felt like it was never going to come. The urge to push when there was no contraction was unbearable and I just kept telling myself that waiting would mean a little extra time now, whereas pushing when there was no urge could mean tearing that would take weeks to heal. The midwife talked me through slowly delivering the head and she and my OH were full of praise and encouragement. Finally the last contraction came and I felt the baby slide out, which was the most unsettling and incredible sensation I have ever felt; and the next few seconds between delivering the baby and my husband telling me he was a boy was the most exciting of my life. Felix was finally born at 7:01pm on 15th December after just 20 minutes of pushing. I had two small 2nd degree tears - one into my perineum and one at the side into my labia - and another deep graze in my labia too. I had skin to skin with Felix for about an hour whilst the placenta was delivered and we were cleaned up a bit and the paperwork filled in, then handed him to my husband for a snuggle whilst I got stitched up - gas and air was most definitely back on hand for that. We had to wait what felt like forever to find out his weight - and then even longer for her to convert it from kilograms (which I don't understand at all) into pounds - he was 8lb and half an ounce. The midwives were so impressed and complimentary and said I'd done fantastically at pushing - and that they would never have dreamt that was my first time giving birth if they hadn't known. I'm not sure if that's something they say to everyone but it was nice to hear all the same. I loved the pushing stage and afterwards told my husband I'd rather push another ten babies out than experience the contractions again. My mum says when she had me she breezed through the contractions and found the pushing excruciating, and I was over a pound less than Felix so obviously everyone is different
But I loved it, it was empowering and amazing and whilst painful, was a good pain, almost pleasurable in fact. After this I had a horrible night with a baby who refused to latch, unhelpful midwives and OH being sent home as by the time I was finally admitted to the post natal ward it was about 1am - but that's a whole other story. The feeding issues have been an ordeal and we still have a way to go but they have improved vastly since that first night. I'm so much more confident reading his cues now and also handling him, changing him etc. I'd never held a newborn baby before or ever changed a nappy and it all comes so quickly. I am healing well from the birth, peeing was pretty darn uncomfortable for around a week but only very sting-y, not painful as such. I also had horrendous piles but they've improved dramatically after applying all my lotions and potions religiously. It's hard to find the time when looking after a newborn but do it! If baby cries for a minute or two whilst you take care of yourself then so be it - they will benefit far more from a healthy and well mummy in the long run.
Overall my birth was so different to what I'd expected and hoped for - but it was fantastic. I loved it and would do it all again tomorrow. I have never been the most body confident person and all my years of worrying about inconsequential things like being flabby or not having straight teeth just disappeared - I just felt 'this is what my body is for'. That is what it's all about and I was good at it. I had to accept more help and intervention than I would have liked but I got my vaginal delivery and I delivered an 8lb baby with minimal stitching - so that to me is a resounding success and I'm really proud of myself
Felix was on our list for boys' names. 
