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This post is rather long but I know a lot of people come here wondering if they're miscarrying or not so I would like to share with you all my own personal miscarriage story. I feel getting my feelings out in the open will make me come to terms with what has happened and help me get over the grief more quickly. Feel free to write your own miscarriage story as well, whether natural, medicated or D&C.
To begin I've had three losses total now and this is my first natural miscarriage. My first two ended in D&C. One was missed and the other started on its own but I went ahead with the D&C because of retained products, although I think if I would have waited I probably would have miscarried completely on my own, however I was eager to start TTC again.
I became pregnant with this baby within 3 months of my second D&C and was ecstatic! I thought "hopefully third times a charm" so I was surprised when three ultrasounds confirmed I was in for my THIRD loss! Baby measured only 6w3d and the sac only measured 7 weeks when I had scans at 7, 8 and 10 weeks.
Leaving the office after the first scan, my emotions were in a whirl. I cried and cried. I was angry that it kept happening to me. I searched online for ways for it to not be true, that maybe it was common to not see a heartbeat at 7 weeks, especially for someone like me with a tilted uterus. I had some hope. After the 10 week appointment though, my hope was fading. There was still no visible fetus with a heartbeat.
After the initial shock was over, I decided to wait for things to happen naturally since I began spotting the day before my 10 week ultrasound. I figured that things were beginning to get started. My midwife, however, was very pushy insisting that I should get a D&C to prevent infection since I had already carried a deceased baby for almost a month. I rejected.
I wanted to let nature take its course for a few reasons. I wanted to avoid another D&C since I had already had two previously to avoid an incompetent cervix. Hospitals intimidate me anyway and I like to avoid getting poked and prodded as much as possible. Also since I birthed naturally on my own, why couldn't I miscarry on my own? Finally there was the fact that I was not in a hurry this time to TTC.
After a few days of the light brown spotting that gradually turned darker into brown blood and then to pink, I knew things were progressing normally. After a week went by, I began to spot red, then it turned into a medium flow within a few days. The bleeding was almost constant but still not what I would consider a lot. I could wear liners until the medium flow began then I switched to pads. The entire time I kept second guessing my decision, thinking my body wasn't doing what it should because I was not bleeding heavy like I thought I would.
The flow kept increasing gradually until today. About 5:30 PM I began having horrible cramping. It wasn't like labor contractions but were pretty intense. I took Tylenol which did hardly anything to relieve the pain so I tried a heating pad. That seemed to help more than the Tylenol. I had just talked to my mom over the phone about how I was worried about infection since things were moving so slowly before the cramping started.
Now this is the embarrassing part. About 6 PM my parents came over to see the grandkids. I was still cramping pretty badly and wasn't being a good hostess. Not 5 minutes after they'd been at my house, I felt a sudden gush of blood. I thought "well that happened on and off for a while now and nothing happened." I thought nothing of it and went to get a sippy for my son who was wanting one. I felt another gush. "Well that's odd" I thought. One gush, ok. But two in a short amount of time?
Then I went back to the living room and sat down. I felt a third gush and then I noticed that my shorts felt wet. "Uh oh!" I thought. I made an excuse to go outside and took my DH with me. I didn't want to tell my parents what was going on and scare them. They would have hauled me away in an ambulance if they saw how much blood I was losing.
I snuck into the downstairs bathroom and looked in my underwear, dreading the results. When I saw all the blood, I thought I would freak out. Instead, I found the blood a bit of a relief. After waiting so long, things were FINALLY moving along... but at the wrong time! Isn't that how it is with childbirth too though? It seems the babes always come at the times you're least expecting them. Still, when I saw the blood had soaked completely through a maxi pad, I knew it wasn't much longer.
As soon as I sat down on the toilet, I lost a huge clot. When I examined the clot, I found the sac, a little perfectly round fluid filled bubble. My DH described it as looking like a pebble or a marble. Inside was the tiniest little fetus I've ever seen, but so pink and perfect. After I saw this, instead of feeling scared of what was going to happen, I felt almost a peace.
Luckily my parents only stayed a short while. As soon as they left, I went to the bathroom and bled out the rest. I lost another large clot the size of an egg and a few smaller ones about as big as quarters. The bleeding was only that heavy for about an hour or two. After that it dwindled down to like a light period and the cramping lessened with the blood. I didn't take any more Tylenol.
The mixed feelings came back. I felt relieved that it was over and that I had survived (despite many horror stories I read on google) and a sense of pride as well, that I had done it on my own without the need for intervention, just as I had with my two live births. I felt empty yet at peace at the same time. I felt regret as well that I should have waited it out with my previous losses rather than be pressured into D&Cs.
I think the waiting helped me to take the time to grieve before it happened rather than after so that by the time it happened I was prepared. Going natural was the best option for me this time. I only hope that this is the last time I ever have to experience a pregnancy loss and the same to those out there right now currently going through this.
To begin I've had three losses total now and this is my first natural miscarriage. My first two ended in D&C. One was missed and the other started on its own but I went ahead with the D&C because of retained products, although I think if I would have waited I probably would have miscarried completely on my own, however I was eager to start TTC again.
I became pregnant with this baby within 3 months of my second D&C and was ecstatic! I thought "hopefully third times a charm" so I was surprised when three ultrasounds confirmed I was in for my THIRD loss! Baby measured only 6w3d and the sac only measured 7 weeks when I had scans at 7, 8 and 10 weeks.
Leaving the office after the first scan, my emotions were in a whirl. I cried and cried. I was angry that it kept happening to me. I searched online for ways for it to not be true, that maybe it was common to not see a heartbeat at 7 weeks, especially for someone like me with a tilted uterus. I had some hope. After the 10 week appointment though, my hope was fading. There was still no visible fetus with a heartbeat.
After the initial shock was over, I decided to wait for things to happen naturally since I began spotting the day before my 10 week ultrasound. I figured that things were beginning to get started. My midwife, however, was very pushy insisting that I should get a D&C to prevent infection since I had already carried a deceased baby for almost a month. I rejected.
I wanted to let nature take its course for a few reasons. I wanted to avoid another D&C since I had already had two previously to avoid an incompetent cervix. Hospitals intimidate me anyway and I like to avoid getting poked and prodded as much as possible. Also since I birthed naturally on my own, why couldn't I miscarry on my own? Finally there was the fact that I was not in a hurry this time to TTC.
After a few days of the light brown spotting that gradually turned darker into brown blood and then to pink, I knew things were progressing normally. After a week went by, I began to spot red, then it turned into a medium flow within a few days. The bleeding was almost constant but still not what I would consider a lot. I could wear liners until the medium flow began then I switched to pads. The entire time I kept second guessing my decision, thinking my body wasn't doing what it should because I was not bleeding heavy like I thought I would.
The flow kept increasing gradually until today. About 5:30 PM I began having horrible cramping. It wasn't like labor contractions but were pretty intense. I took Tylenol which did hardly anything to relieve the pain so I tried a heating pad. That seemed to help more than the Tylenol. I had just talked to my mom over the phone about how I was worried about infection since things were moving so slowly before the cramping started.
Now this is the embarrassing part. About 6 PM my parents came over to see the grandkids. I was still cramping pretty badly and wasn't being a good hostess. Not 5 minutes after they'd been at my house, I felt a sudden gush of blood. I thought "well that happened on and off for a while now and nothing happened." I thought nothing of it and went to get a sippy for my son who was wanting one. I felt another gush. "Well that's odd" I thought. One gush, ok. But two in a short amount of time?
Then I went back to the living room and sat down. I felt a third gush and then I noticed that my shorts felt wet. "Uh oh!" I thought. I made an excuse to go outside and took my DH with me. I didn't want to tell my parents what was going on and scare them. They would have hauled me away in an ambulance if they saw how much blood I was losing.
I snuck into the downstairs bathroom and looked in my underwear, dreading the results. When I saw all the blood, I thought I would freak out. Instead, I found the blood a bit of a relief. After waiting so long, things were FINALLY moving along... but at the wrong time! Isn't that how it is with childbirth too though? It seems the babes always come at the times you're least expecting them. Still, when I saw the blood had soaked completely through a maxi pad, I knew it wasn't much longer.
As soon as I sat down on the toilet, I lost a huge clot. When I examined the clot, I found the sac, a little perfectly round fluid filled bubble. My DH described it as looking like a pebble or a marble. Inside was the tiniest little fetus I've ever seen, but so pink and perfect. After I saw this, instead of feeling scared of what was going to happen, I felt almost a peace.
Luckily my parents only stayed a short while. As soon as they left, I went to the bathroom and bled out the rest. I lost another large clot the size of an egg and a few smaller ones about as big as quarters. The bleeding was only that heavy for about an hour or two. After that it dwindled down to like a light period and the cramping lessened with the blood. I didn't take any more Tylenol.
The mixed feelings came back. I felt relieved that it was over and that I had survived (despite many horror stories I read on google) and a sense of pride as well, that I had done it on my own without the need for intervention, just as I had with my two live births. I felt empty yet at peace at the same time. I felt regret as well that I should have waited it out with my previous losses rather than be pressured into D&Cs.
I think the waiting helped me to take the time to grieve before it happened rather than after so that by the time it happened I was prepared. Going natural was the best option for me this time. I only hope that this is the last time I ever have to experience a pregnancy loss and the same to those out there right now currently going through this.
