my mum is insistent on a c section...

[BabyCleo]

Help!!

I dunno if im just having a bad day but im currently ttc with my fiance and my mum (who has no idea actually) told me and is now insistent on me having a c section cause she did. With me, she had an emerg. one cause she wasnt dialating past 2 or something and i was becoming stressed. She said told the doc to "get the baby the f outta her" and was so happy cause she didnt have to push and got "the easy way out" after that she had a planned c sect. with my sister cause she loved it so much.

My mother is not the nicest or most natural person, she didnt want to change the shape of her boobs so she didnt bother breastfeeding me or my sister.

Is it better to get a c section? i have severe anxiety and hate hospitals, however im not comfortable having a home birth. im really worried now...

 

[hopefulfor1st]

Firstly you cant just ask for a section with no good reason. secondly It makes me really angry when people say c sections are "the easy way out" I had an emergency section and had to stay in hospital 5 days. The hospital rooms bed 4 women and I saw 9 women and newborns enter my room and leave while I was still stuck in there. 24 hours after my section I was told to try get up and shower and got one leg pointed to the edge of the bed and blacked out from the pain. I still now have numb spots on my tummy where your cut and nerves are severed. The women who'd birthed naturally are up and walking around a few hours later, they had to get my phone and help me as it took me 5 min to get in/ out of bed. And forget getting in and out of bed while holding bub as u need both hands free to try ease yourself. He would be screaming and I'd be buzzing for someone to help me feed him.
Oh and then there's the fact I was under anaesthesia and woke up 3 hours after his birth- yup I literally slept through it. No first cry, no photos, no seeing my husband cut the cord, no seeing him weighed, no seeing hubby hold him for the first time. I woke up as the nurses were hand expressing me to feed him but the first 2 days are a complete haze to me.

 

[LDC]

As hopeful said, you can't opt for a section because you want to, there needs to be a medical reason - although anxiety can lead to a section, it's usually under ga which I would recommend you avoid.

A section is not the easy option, that annoys me. The recovery is long and difficult at times; I discharged myself from hospital in the end because of the lack of support (I was the only one in my ward that had a section) and I just needed help, even lifting lo in and out of the cot.

My own experience, despite being emergency, was positive but its not a decision to take lightly.

Go natural 100%. I would have loved a natural birth.

Also because your mum needed a section doesn't mean you will.

X

 

[melissa84]

Well it's your pregnancy and labor, not your moms. Even if it makes her mad she needs to know when to butt out. And be thankful if you get to have a natural labor because most of us here wanted one. Best of luck TTCing!

 

[helloeveryone]

Please don't listen to your mum...
You have to try for a normal birth,you can do it just because your mum had problems doesn't mean you will...mum mum had 2 c sections ,,but I didn't have any problems having my 6 baby's ..
Good luck xxx

 

[ClaireJ23]

Don't listen to your mum, I had an emergency c section and will definitely be opting for a vaginal birth (VBAC) this time around. I did avoid the pushing out stage but a section is major abdominal surgery, with risks and a much longer recovery time.

 

[hopefulfor1st]

Don't listen to your mum, I had an emergency c section and will definitely be opting for a vaginal birth (VBAC) this time around. I did avoid the pushing out stage but a section is major abdominal surgery, with risks and a much longer recovery time.

Are they letting u have a vbac so soon after a section?

 

[ClaireJ23]

Yes, my midwife said they will encourage me to do so, I have an appointment with a consultant in October.

 

[tinkerbelle93]

Why is your mum insisting on something to do with YOUR birth (not to mention before she even knows that you're TTC, let alone pregnant) That's just a bit strange it's nothing to do with her.

Also as others have said you can't just choose a C-section for the sake of it. There needs to usually be a genuine medical or mental health reason for it and they really consider it carefully. There are a lot more risks to C-sections then a normal, straight-forward natural birth. The recovery is extremely painful as it is major surgery like any other operation. Also it means a longer hospital stay- if you successfully have a normal birth then you can be in and out the next day, with a C-section you'll need to stay at least overnight probably more. Try not to stress about these things before you are pregnant just enjoy the excitement of TTC xx

 

[skc22]

A c section is major abdominal surgery, never to be taken lightly!

 

[Justagirlxx]

I haven't had a c-section but Im responding because I had very similar when pregnant with my first. Both my mom and sister needed c-sections and they constantly bullied me trying to tell me I just "couldnt do it" and would need to get one too. Anyways, I went on to have two vaginal deliveries since then with no complications. Having a c-section leaves you in a lot of pain for a long time which is not the case with a vaginal. It might be easier to not experience labor but afterwards your body takes a lot longer to heal. Tell her first of all you aren't even pregnant yet, second of all she has no right to tell you what kind of delivery to have. GL ttc

 

[wookie130]

Geez, I'm surprised your mum isn't in the bedroom directing the pre-conception sex during your fertile window. Forget the c-section thing...I mean, if it ends up being a necessity for a medical reason, then yeah, that's one thing, but it is NOT your mum's body, nor her choice whatsoever.

And it will never be "the easy way out." Having your innards cut open, removed, a baby pulled forcefully out of you, your organs replaced, and then being sewn back up is not my idea of easy. The surgery itself is not bad while you're experiencing it, but the recovery can be living hell, and you can be laid up (while trying to care for a newborn) for weeks afterward.

 

[BabyCleo]

Thank you ladies.. i feel silly now for posting

I never should have doubted it.. i always wanted a more natural option and i always assumed a c section was more painful cause its surgery. My mother is.... a character. Shes very pushy and lol Wookie your comment made me laugh!! Thanks for confirming that a natural birth is the way to go

It does bug me too that she said its the easy way out, it bugs me she didnt bother to breastfeed me or my sister either, i always assumed she had!

Thanks ladies, ill opt for what i always wanted - a hospital, dug free water birth if that exists. .. now i gotta get preggo first!

 

[BabyCleo]

Ladies you mentioned having anxiety can result in a c section/ a reason to opt for it... when i get nervous my heart rate rockets. if they see my heart rate super high cause im scared (which, who am i kidding i will be) how do i tell them no to a c section? would this even be something that would come up? i know im thinking waaay ahead here, but these are things i think about a lot lol. thanks for all the help!

 

[wookie130]

BabyCleo, I didn't mean that you should NOT have a c-section under any circumstances...there are times when it is absolutely necessary to ensure YOUR life, and your baby's. If I were you, I'd work on TTC, go through the motions of being pregnant, and then see what happens with your pregnancy...there is no way to predict in the end if you'll need a c-section or not. I ended up needing one due to placenta previa, and I would have had a dangerous bleeding situation, had I not delivered my daughter by c-section. So, focus on getting pregnant, and take care of yourself, and see how it pans out.

 

[hopefulfor1st]

Ladies you mentioned having anxiety can result in a c section/ a reason to opt for it... when i get nervous my heart rate rockets. if they see my heart rate super high cause im scared (which, who am i kidding i will be) how do i tell them no to a c section? would this even be something that would come up? i know im thinking waaay ahead here, but these are things i think about a lot lol. thanks for all the help!

Everyone feels that way Hun... That level if anxiety that causes your pulse to race is alot different to a life threatening situation, One where they think you will harm yourself or your baby.

 

[BabyCleo]

Okay thanks ladies my mind is more at ease

 

[momofone08]

A c-section is NOT the easy way out. That annoys me so much when people say that. A c-section hurts and takes twice as long to heal from. It is none of her business how you chose to birth your baby. It is a huge surgery and most Dr.'s won't do one without medical reasons.

 

[Malouka]

Agree with everyone else... I had a c section and like another member I saw women coming and going after me. I was the only one that needed so much help doing the most simple tasks, I couldnt even get out of the bed to pick my baby up. It hurts a lot and healing takes so long. Its not worth it... only if your life or baby's lif edepends on it ofcourse. I still hate the fact I had a c section. My SIL was baking 6 huge breads on day 6 after vaginal birth. She cooked every day, cleaned since day 1. She looked like she never gave birth. I couldnt even walk straight for the first month...

 

[wookie130]

Malouka, I had a rough recovery too after mine, but I will never regret having it done. I had issues with placenta previa, and if I would have attempted vaginal delivery, it could have resulted in a massive hemorrhage, and death to one or both of us. The point of a C-section (outside of those who do it for scheduling reasons, and things like that) is to create an immediate way for a baby to arrive while minimizing complications to the mother, and also to save the baby's life when necessary. There are several blogs on the internet, usually created by natural childbirth advocates, who are very against C-sections in most instances, even when it seems to be the safest option. I could rattle off some titles of these blogs, but I won't. There are a lot of women and groups who are much too hung up on the process of birth, and because of this, they minimize the real point of that process, which is to end up with a healthy living baby and mother. C-sections do accomplish this outcome for many, and contrary to what you'll read on these blogs and in a lot of the pseudoscience "research" (ha), is that for the vast majority of women, C-sections are SAFE, and the overall outcomes for ladies who have them are good. Never feel bad about doing what it takes to get your baby here safely. No one is saying the recovery is easy, as it is a major, major surgery, but for so many of us, it was truly what needed to be done.