My new year resolution.... stop being jellous of my friends and families BFP's!

[lovie]

This year my 3best friends from childhood are all having babies in march, a friend got her bfp at christmas (im so happy for her her 1st baby died from sids 2 months ago) my sister has 2 lovely boys and possibly will try for a 3rd this year.

My resolution is to stop feeling jellous of their bfp's and babies... if i get a bfp and have a baby these little people will be my babies closest friends and cousins... if i never have my own baby i want to be a part of these childrens lives... so for me no more grean eyed monster, even tho i wish i was joining them in my journy into motherhood i dont wish they were not having babies

feels good to right it down

 

[tonibzac]

Easier said than done I find but I know what you mean xxx

 

[eryri]

Great idea in theory, will also try and make this mine!

 

[Shareena]

Its a hard resolution until we get our own BFP but I am still happy for those who do get preg and have babies because i know they deserve their happiness and they are not competing with me.

I don't want anyone I care about deal with IF and the pain.

 

[cooch]

Good on you sweetheart. Everyone would love to have that outlook but it's not always possible due to grief.
I have days like that and then I turn back again to being desperate for my baby. I'm having a good phase at the moment, lol x

 

[purplesparkle]

wish i could stop being jealous but to hard when you are a lttcer. I just want to stay optimistic and postive this year

 

[MyFirstNoodle]

I hope I have just as much willpower! Hope you get your soon. Sending lots of baby xx

 

[purplesparkle]

just found out one of my friends is pregnant seemed to take her no time at all. she knows about my fertility problems and told me she was trying for her second doesn't make it any easier. i'm avoiding anyone who is pregnant or recently had a baby, sad as i will lose friends but just too hard to see people happy with kids and their great lives

 

[Erin j]

I think its a great resolution lovie. I sometimes hear women who think its insensitive when people announce their pregnancies at Christmas or on Facebook or etc like its a personal offense . Although its important to be sensitive to others I can't understand the expectation that other women should hold back their joy in case I get offended. I'm a ltttc and I prefer to be happy for others. Hell yes I'm jeolus lol but I want to be able to be happy for and celebrate with friends and family.

 

[Armywife84]

I think its a great resolution lovie. I sometimes hear women who think its insensitive when people announce their pregnancies at Christmas or on Facebook or etc like its a personal offense . Although its important to be sensitive to others I can't understand the expectation that other women should hold back their joy in case I get offended. I'm a ltttc and I prefer to be happy for others. Hell yes I'm jeolus lol but I want to be able to be happy for and celebrate with friends and family.

Some LTTCers happen to be more positive than others. Which I would like to know where you get the positivity from, or you must have a massive support system from your family. Others feel alone, bitter, angry (with themselves), and resentful towards pregnant women. Not necessarily jealous because we don't want their baby, we want our own. We can't understand why it's SO easy for them and difficult for us. No one can answer that question! The longer you go in this LTTC journey, the harder it gets and you start to lose that positivity.

IMO, women can announce their pregnancy before or after Christmas..they don't need to be stealing Christmas's thunder. Plus it's already hard enough to endure Christmas dealing with IF. But obviously people are going to do whatever they want. I find it incredibly insensitive that a woman who knows someone struggling in her family with IF/LTTC announces her pregnancy on Christmas.

As far as FB goes, I deleted mine so I wouldn't have to see all that. I get that your proud of your pregnancy, but I remember a day when those things were private. A time when there was no FB!

So just because we're resentful, jealous, whatever, it doesn't mean we're not happy for that pregnant one announcing. Deep down we are, but right now the sadness for ourselves outweighs the happiness.

It is a good resolution, I'm not denying that. Definitely a hard one though.

 

[ohmyitschelsi]

What a great idea, I know how everyone feels...this is definitely going to be mine as well.

 

[wonderstars]

Good for you, that's an awesome resolution. Hope your pregnancy is the next one you get to celebrate!



I admire you ladies for being able to do this. It cripples me when my friends get pregnant mainly because they tend to flaunt it. So, if you're gonna flaunt it in front of someone who's having fertility issues then that says more to your character. For those that don't flaunt their pregnancy, I am always incredibly happy for them....from afar.

 

[Erin j]

I think its a great resolution lovie. I sometimes hear women who think its insensitive when people announce their pregnancies at Christmas or on Facebook or etc like its a personal offense . Although its important to be sensitive to others I can't understand the expectation that other women should hold back their joy in case I get offended. I'm a ltttc and I prefer to be happy for others. Hell yes I'm jeolus lol but I want to be able to be happy for and celebrate with friends and family.

Some LTTCers happen to be more positive than others. Which I would like to know where you get the positivity from, or you must have a massive support system from your family. Others feel alone, bitter, angry (with themselves), and resentful towards pregnant women. Not necessarily jealous because we don't want their baby, we want our own. We can't understand why it's SO easy for them and difficult for us. No one can answer that question! The longer you go in this LTTC journey, the harder it gets and you start to lose that positivity.




IMO, women can announce their pregnancy before or after Christmas..they don't need to be stealing Christmas's thunder. Plus it's already hard enough to endure Christmas dealing with IF. But obviously people are going to do whatever they want. I find it incredibly insensitive that a woman who knows someone struggling in her family with IF/LTTC announces her pregnancy on Christmas.

As far as FB goes, I deleted mine so I wouldn't have to see all that. I get that your proud of your pregnancy, but I remember a day when those things were private. A time when there was no FB!

So just because we're resentful, jealous, whatever, it doesn't mean we're not happy for that pregnant one announcing. Deep down we are, but right now the sadness for ourselves outweighs the happiness.

It is a good resolution, I'm not denying that. Definitely a hard one though.

Thank you for the reply and I do understand. Its not that I'm so positive I just dont really have a choice it feels like sometimes. I work in a pre-k center so I'm surrounded by kids 3-5 yrs old all day everyday. Its hard to be sad cause kids are so full of life and joy. And then I always talk to the parents about the kids and etc. Also my sister in law, who I see alot and at all holidays is 9 months pregnant with her fourth. Her last child is my Godson and he is only 14 months old. Most of my closest friends are parents too.

So basically kids and pregnancies are in my face. I can't avoid them lol so i have to stay positive or get another job at least.

 

[cooch]

I too get the sentiment that we all should be happy for people with such a joy as it is a wonderful thing.

I have recently had 2 friend's announce their 2nd babies are on their way. One chose to let me 'find' out gently from another friend, the other decided she HAD to tell me days after I had some bad news after my laparoscopy. Needless to say one friend was considerate, the other a total cow and needless to say I was incredibly happy for one of the two ladies, the other I could have punched. Both announcements came just months after both of them told me they were not having any more/were waiting a couple of years. I actually felt incredibly foolish to have believed them, being an honest person myself.

I'm actually quite happy to hear of people conceiving their first or after having had troubles as I know they have been through a lot. Others I do have a bit of annoyance about, but I will TRY not to show it.

 

[mjemma]

I think this is a wonderful resolution. I agree that it is much easier said than done but it is good to approach the year with positivity. In the past 6 months I have had 2 honeymoon baby announcements from close friends, one baby from a school friend who started trying after us and my little sister gave birth too. It's been very tough but I try to remind myself that all their pregnancies have no bearing on whether I get pregnant or not. I am still very jealous but I am trying to find ways to deal with it more constructively so it doesn't eat away at me. I think the closer the people are to you, actually the easier it is because those babies will be part of your life and will give you joy.

 

[Armywife84]

I think its a great resolution lovie. I sometimes hear women who think its insensitive when people announce their pregnancies at Christmas or on Facebook or etc like its a personal offense . Although its important to be sensitive to others I can't understand the expectation that other women should hold back their joy in case I get offended. I'm a ltttc and I prefer to be happy for others. Hell yes I'm jeolus lol but I want to be able to be happy for and celebrate with friends and family.

Some LTTCers happen to be more positive than others. Which I would like to know where you get the positivity from, or you must have a massive support system from your family. Others feel alone, bitter, angry (with themselves), and resentful towards pregnant women. Not necessarily jealous because we don't want their baby, we want our own. We can't understand why it's SO easy for them and difficult for us. No one can answer that question! The longer you go in this LTTC journey, the harder it gets and you start to lose that positivity.




IMO, women can announce their pregnancy before or after Christmas..they don't need to be stealing Christmas's thunder. Plus it's already hard enough to endure Christmas dealing with IF. But obviously people are going to do whatever they want. I find it incredibly insensitive that a woman who knows someone struggling in her family with IF/LTTC announces her pregnancy on Christmas.

As far as FB goes, I deleted mine so I wouldn't have to see all that. I get that your proud of your pregnancy, but I remember a day when those things were private. A time when there was no FB!

So just because we're resentful, jealous, whatever, it doesn't mean we're not happy for that pregnant one announcing. Deep down we are, but right now the sadness for ourselves outweighs the happiness.

It is a good resolution, I'm not denying that. Definitely a hard one though.

Thank you for the reply and I do understand. Its not that I'm so positive I just dont really have a choice it feels like sometimes. I work in a pre-k center so I'm surrounded by kids 3-5 yrs old all day everyday. Its hard to be sad cause kids are so full of life and joy. And then I always talk to the parents about the kids and etc. Also my sister in law, who I see alot and at all holidays is 9 months pregnant with her fourth. Her last child is my Godson and he is only 14 months old. Most of my closest friends are parents too.

So basically kids and pregnancies are in my face. I can't avoid them lol so i have to stay positive or get another job at least.

Yikes, you have no other option than to just deal with it. So deep down inside you're a bit sad, jealous but you show nothing but positivity on the outside? Are there ever times you have a good cry in the restroom because you can't handle it?

I can't deal with pregnant women, infants, and sometimes I get overwhelmed being around my niece. But I'm also suffering from depression and anxiety. My positivity ran out in Feb.

 

[lovie]

thanks for all the encouragement ladies

like Erin j i work with kids and i think when your around kids everyday and get to know their little personalities its hard to feel sad about their existance. i did go through a stage of feeling very jellous of others who got pregnant easilly... at one point i even found myself feeling jellous of my own mother and my own "accedental" conception...

the turning point for me came when a friend of mine... one of my new mum friends who posted photos of her lovely baby every day and super cutsie updates about how great her life was... the kind that i would reluctantly "like" and feel jellous about. just before christmas her son died from sids and i felt so so awfull for her... absolutly gutted and then i felt so guilty for the way i had felt jellous... not that it is wrong to want what others have.. but i felt it had been wrong that i hadnt fully been able to enjoy his little life (even just simply by keeping up to date with his milestones ect) i am never going to let my own desires get in the way of enjoying a little person again, i love kids and babies, i really do, and sure i hope so much that ivf works in april and i have my very own little person to get to know... but if it doesnt it wont be the end of the road.. i just keep looking forwards to the next step... i have a long way to go 3 fresh ivf and 6 fet cycles, if that doesnt work then i hope to egg share (if im alowed after failed ivf) or scrape together the money for a couple of extra ivf's if that doesnt work then i hope to adopt.. if adoption wasnt so expensive then it would be an option before the free ivf.

so to sum up i try to think forwards... i know i will become a mother... i have to beleive that and i want to support my friends in their pregnancies and get to know their new babies... i cant do that if im resentfull... even if i hold back 1% kids know... so I'm going to love and get to know the babies and support my friends 100%

 

[Erin j]

Love I feel alot like you do. I even think a little jealousy is a healthy and normal emotion because it just reveals our deepest longing to be pregnant ourselves. Its just when it gets bitter that it hurts.

Yes armywife I cry and get pissed about it. I obsess and poas like crazy. The last two months I got a boost of hope because we started going to the fertility specialist after 18 months of ttc so I'm just relieved to get answers and treatment. Its like catching a second wind in this vicious ttc marathon.

 

[lovie]

we too have been going through our fs and i think it has given me new hope i feel like im at the begining of my asisted journy.