My OH wonders why I get so moody, his behavior is unfair when I'm this BROODY!

[ChangeChoices]

For those of us not quite at the happy "OMG I'm almost TTC", or the "My OH is broody too!" stage, does your OH ever do or say anything about WTT, TTC, or babies and pregnancy in general that you just find insensitive and unfair? Even if you're happily on schedule to TTC, can you remember a time that wasn't so happy?

Share your stories/rants!

 

[ChangeChoices]

My OH says it's not about the money, or school, or a house, it's all about him not feeling ready to be a father. I can't use hormonal contraceptives, and I have a slight allergy to copper so no IUD. This leaves condoms and methods using spermicides. I get horrible UTIs from every spermicide I've ever tried, including one my doctor prescribed me that was really expensive and supposedly irritant-free. That leaves condoms.

Now I'm all for getting pregnant ASAP. I want a baby now. My OH is the one that is all about waiting and not saying how long we should wait for, just a vague window of 3-5 years from now. I do have a dislike of condoms. General discomfort, etc. For years I just sucked it up and pretended like it didn't matter. Then I met my OH. He hates condoms. With a passion. I was on birth control so it didn't matter as far as pregnancy goes so we didn't use condoms for the longest time. When I had to stop taking the pill, he didn't want to go back to using condoms. He whined and complained and whined some more. So my doctor came up with the idea of not using condoms, but instead using natural family planning/fertility awareness and the pull out method. We watched several instructional videos (cheesy music and all) and read pamphlets and got a thermometer and everything. I've got the fertility awareness part down, and I keep him informed. The thing is, he doesn't always pull out. At the beginning of my cycle, after AF stops, he won't pull out, but as it gets closer to the time I usually ovulate, he'll pull out for a couple days, but then go back to not doing it when he feels like it, not when my chart says I've ovulated. One cycle he didn't pull out until two days before I ovulated. The next cycle he was more careful for a while, but he stopped pulling out THE DAY I OVULATED. So unlike many of you WTT girls, there IS a chance of me getting pregnant each cycle because he doesn't keep up his end of the bargain. And it's not because he can't help it. I've asked him. He says things like, "Oh well I figured we were safe," or "well I figured the chances of you getting pregnant aren't that high anyway because of the infertility on your mom's side" (OWCH! Thanks for the reminder, kind sir!) It's been four cycles, and he's so far lucked out each time.

Don't you think it's unfair of him to insist he doesn't want to TTC when he's not keeping up his end of the method and we're having unprotected sex?

 

[lozzy21]

That is realy unfair. My entire journal is made up off insensative things or messing me about.

They just dont get it.

 

[princess_bump]

sorry to hear this hon, think i might be inclined to have a chat with him and tell him just what you think! x

 

[plutosblue]

If I were you I would be having a serious boycott of sexual relations.

At the end of the day, even the pull out method isn't 100% affective, and if hes not holding up his end of the bargain then I wouldn't be having sex with him. You should be able to trust your partner 100% and him bringing up something as sensative as fertility is just not on. He should know the risks that come with what he is doing, if he is so against trying then he shouldn't be doing what he is doing full stop.

The best thing you can do is talk to him, if you are unhappy then you should change it, it seems a little unfair that the ball seems to be in his court as far as the bedroom is concerned. I would draw the line and say you either want to try, or you don't.

Perhaps he is one of many men who will never openly admit to wanting a child but if it just 'happens' then they will cope, some men can't stand to make decisions!

Whatever you do I hope things work out the way you want them to x

Hope this helps x

 

[kintenda]

Changechoices - I think your OH is being very unfair, tbh. It's not your fault that you can't use other methods of contraception, and I don't see why we should be expected to use the pill/change our own hormones just to suit them. Definitely chat to him, it can't continue if he is really not ready.

My OH does strange things that I find insensitive, such as (a bit embarrassing but I'll say anyway) snuggling into my chest and saying 'mama' over and over, I've told him so many times to stop it but he never ever learns. He points out cute kids at EVERY opportunity, doesn't understand why I feel a bit quiet and reflective when I hear that other women are getting pregnant.

 

[Bambi1985]

My OH does the pointing out other babies thing too, really annoying cos makes me start thinking about babies on the rare occassion that I'm actually not thinking about them!

He also keeps putting his hand on my belly and says "Are you sure your not pregnant?" Grrrrr how the hell can I be pregnant when you insist on using protection!!!

 

[Daisy Delayne]

We had talked about TTC in the summer of 2010, and both agreed. Then one day I was looking over our financial situation and (stupidly) said "Hmm, maybe we should wait one more year." and he said "Okay." like it was nothing. I was just thinking aloud and now I still haven't been able to convince him to go back to our original plan. grrr. It's okay I guess, I don't want to TTC until we're both ready. I guess we women have to watch what we say as well...

My OH says it's not about the money, or school, or a house, it's all about him not feeling ready to be a father. I can't use hormonal contraceptives, and I have a slight allergy to copper so no IUD. This leaves condoms and methods using spermicides. I get horrible UTIs from every spermicide I've ever tried, including one my doctor prescribed me that was really expensive and supposedly irritant-free. That leaves condoms.

Now I'm all for getting pregnant ASAP. I want a baby now. My OH is the one that is all about waiting and not saying how long we should wait for, just a vague window of 3-5 years from now. I do have a dislike of condoms. General discomfort, etc. For years I just sucked it up and pretended like it didn't matter. Then I met my OH. He hates condoms. With a passion. I was on birth control so it didn't matter as far as pregnancy goes so we didn't use condoms for the longest time. When I had to stop taking the pill, he didn't want to go back to using condoms. He whined and complained and whined some more. So my doctor came up with the idea of not using condoms, but instead using natural family planning/fertility awareness and the pull out method. We watched several instructional videos (cheesy music and all) and read pamphlets and got a thermometer and everything. I've got the fertility awareness part down, and I keep him informed. The thing is, he doesn't always pull out. At the beginning of my cycle, after AF stops, he won't pull out, but as it gets closer to the time I usually ovulate, he'll pull out for a couple days, but then go back to not doing it when he feels like it, not when my chart says I've ovulated. One cycle he didn't pull out until two days before I ovulated. The next cycle he was more careful for a while, but he stopped pulling out THE DAY I OVULATED. So unlike many of you WTT girls, there IS a chance of me getting pregnant each cycle because he doesn't keep up his end of the bargain. And it's not because he can't help it. I've asked him. He says things like, "Oh well I figured we were safe," or "well I figured the chances of you getting pregnant aren't that high anyway because of the infertility on your mom's side" (OWCH! Thanks for the reminder, kind sir!) It's been four cycles, and he's so far lucked out each time.

Don't you think it's unfair of him to insist he doesn't want to TTC when he's not keeping up his end of the method and we're having unprotected sex?

I feel for you. He should decide-definitely TTC or definitely not TTC and be more careful. It's not something to be wishy-washy about. If he truly doesn't want a baby he should quit being so careless because if you do get pregnant due to his carelessness and he gets upset about it, that could put a damper on your pregnancy experience, whereas if he wouldn't be upset, why on earth is he making you wait??? I'm sure I haven't said anything useful, I'm just annoyed on your behalf. lol. men can be quite frustrating.

 

[Vesta]

My husband annoys me because he seems to have no idea what he wants. On the same day he decided that he didn't want to start TTC in December as planned, and wanted to wait longer. Then later suggested we started TTC the same day! I told him to take a running jump. He's mental.