My Poem about trying for my baby for a year now

[LeggoMyMeggo]

BACKGROUND INFO :In a few weeks it will be 1 year of Trying to Conceive. We waited until our wedding night to have sex for the first time, which was beautiful. a few months before our 2 year anniversary we unofficially started trying to conceive in February 2009. We kind of had our first slip up of not using any protection at all and decided to kind of go with it the next few months. It kind of started with us having fun with being more spontaneous and natural( 1 year into our marriage we felt like I should stop taking birth control pills because of somethings I have researched about it so we had been using condoms for a year very faithfully). April 2009 was our 2 year anniversary and God healed me of my hyperthyroidism, which is what we were waiting for before we officially wanted to start trying because overactive thyroid disease and the medications for it are extremely dangerous for your baby. We started out relaxed just trying to "let it happen" but when we hit that 6 month mark and after piles of negative hpts I started to worry. I started paying attention to every little thing my body was doing and tried to have sex at the "right" times and do all the, "right" tricks. I became obsessed with asking question on "yahoo Answers" about anything having to do with conceptions and pregnancy symptoms. I still find myself at every 2 week wait researching symptoms and ideas on how to conceive. I had a month were in the first time of my life I skipped my period and so I was convinced I was pregnant. I couldn't get a positive test with urine or with blood so I took it as far as making my doctor give me an ultrasound. THEY FOUND NOTHING and a day later my period started after 50+ day of my cycle. At 10 months I got a panel of blood work done and the doctors could not find anything wrong. We decided to wait until 1 year before hubby would get tested and now that time has come. We trust the Lord no matter what the doctors say, so we are debating on spending money on more testing. Even if the doctors say it is impossible to have kids, we won't accept that. My husband has had dreams of him and a little boy he knows to be our son. Many people have told us they are confident that we will have a baby boy first. It is strange, but I feel it is true. So I wrote a poem to help me process my experience over the last year and express my faith and hope.

January 28, 2010
completed at 1:18 am

Precious Baby Boy

My precious baby boy
I hold you close to me
I sing you songs of lullaby
but in my heart you see?

As a little girl I knew
for what it was I longed
All I really wanted
“to be a loving mom”

Married to your father
we met as just young teens
We've prayed for you together
since forever it does seem

I've look jealously at mothers
forgiveness I must plea
coveting, I've asked myself
shouldn't that be me?

At night I've cried myself to sleep
part of me is missing
Listen to my voice HE says
Hope and Prayer, not worldly wishing

Long before we were aware
You shaped our baby boon
already knit him together
in my very womb

I may not yet be carrying you
but I know you in my heart
although it feels hard at times
God promises to impart

His holy word declares
“Good plans for you I have!”
My spirit is at peace now
He has made me glad

The day your born I'll cradle you
as tears of joy roll down my cheek
your daddy and I will praise the Lord
for He gives you what you seek


-Meghan Sanchez

 

[sonyabazonya]

beautiful poem good luck on your quest for the pitter pattering of lil feet xxx

 

[Blue12]

beautiful - although I am not a very religious person - it is very much how I feel.

Thanks for sharing

 

[LeggoMyMeggo]

I don't consider myself religious either actually. I do consider myself a person who loves God and has a relationship with Him. It's hard to explain, but I do believe that Jesus is the Savior and died to forgive our sins. But I am not one of those "religious" people who judge others and pretends to be perfect. I am glad you can relate. It can feel so lonely at times. I know my husband is here for me, but I think being a female just makes us more connected to our future children.

 

[fluffystar]

Lovely poem,

Lots of babydust to you xxx

 

[MrsEngland]

I don't consider myself religious either actually. I do consider myself a person who loves God and has a relationship with Him. It's hard to explain, but I do believe that Jesus is the Savior and died to forgive our sins. But I am not one of those "religious" people who judge others and pretends to be perfect. I am glad you can relate. It can feel so lonely at times. I know my husband is here for me, but I think being a female just makes us more connected to our future children.

I feel exactly the same. I have a relationship with God and i think thats what counts.
Lovely poem.
I also know how you feel with believing you will be a mother, i've just got this feeling that its what i am supposed to do and be. Except i'm convinced we will have a girl i've had so many dreams about this baby girl and so have my family. I believe god will give me that precious baby girl, its just fustrating waiting. (we are 16 months TTC now.)