My stepdaughter hates the names we have picked so far

[puffers121]

Frustrated, because it got out that we had certain names picked out for our baby and my step daughter said all of them were gross and ugly. She's going on 11 with a tude about having a sibling after being the baby a long time. When we told her we were having a baby, she said "oh".

Grrrr. I firmly told her that she's not naming the child, her dad likes the names also, and she should keep her thoughts to herself in that regard and just say, "that's nice".

Has anyone else dealt with that negative vibe from step kids or bio kids? The names we have picked out thus far are James and Josephine, after my grandparents. All the other name candidates also got the same reaction and she insists on all her favorite names and doesn't get why she doesn't have any say.

Venting. *breathes*

 

[Stormynights]

Your baby, your choice. Those are lovely names!

 

[staralfur]

I think it's normal that she's feeling uneasy about a new baby, especially at that age. I also think it's normal that she wants a say in the name as she probably feels that's one thing about a new baby she can have fun with. That's not to say you need to listen to her, though. At that age her preferences will change like the wind so I'd just calmly explain that the names you've chosen have sentimental meaning and you appreciate her input but that you and her dad are firm on your choices. Maybe find some other fun ways she can get involved, like picking out an outfit or making a list of themes for the nursery or something.

 

[Babybump2017]

In the nicest way possible, it isn't your step daughters baby and she doesn't have a say.. sad she's giving you a hard time

 

[puffers121]

Thanks for the tips. It's frustrating. My mom brought out old baby clothes of mine that she kept that were extra treasured and cute (and in mint condition) and I was oohing and ahhhing and my step daughter came over and made a disgusted face at everything I said was cute.
Girl needs a talking to soon. Not making the pregnancy experience very pleasant
I think she's afraid that if I have a girl, she'll no longer be daddy's girl because there would be a new girl around. I don't know, but it's not very fun right now.

 

[minties]

I feel for her, 11 was a hard age for me. Puberty often brings difficult feelings for a child to cope with. She would be feeling a lot of mixed emotions. I think she would be feeling very worried about her relationship with her dad. He's got you to love, a lady who isn't her mother, now there's another lady coming in the form of a small cute warm bundle. She's probably scared, jealous and all that.

Do remember she's only a kid, most kids are rude mouthy people at some stage, and tend to speak before they think! I too would have wrinkled up my nose at old baby clothes at that age, now I love the old knits etc.

I'm not saying you have to put up with it, just that it sounds like you strongly dislike her and only see her as an annoying brat.

 

[puffers121]

I don't view her as a brat, nor do I dislike her, but I will say the relationship is strained at times; particularly right now. She was about 9 when I met her. She's not been very nice. Today she was extremely cruel to my sister and sent her off crying. She's obviously battling tough feelings about everything, but it's hard because it's a happy time for everyone else and she's just indifferent mostly. I do want her to be excited too! She was like this when her mom was pregnant with her brother last year and didn't want much to do with her mom; never talked to her for months. She cringe hugged her mom when she had a baby belly. She seemed better when it was a boy and not a girl though. She absolutely doesn't want a sister for the reasons of jealousy; she's said that before. I'm a little concerned if our baby is a girl. She really just cringed at girl names, not boy names.

Editing to add that we chatted and things are better now!

 

[catty]

Id probably try not to bring it up too much. We didnt name any of our babies until they were born so maybe not worth the uneccesary stress telling her names and all getting worked up this early on.
just bring it up closer to when your due maybe?

 

[xdxxtx]

I'm so glad to hear she's doing better! I feel so terrible for her... My (half) sister was an only child for over 9 years, and she was thrilled to have a little sibling (me!)... But my nephew and his little (full) brother are ten years apart, and he was a wreck. He started peeing his pants at school and pooping in his pants at home and got his parents called for talking about killing himself at school... You just never know how a child is going to react sometimes. I don't wanna butt in where I don't belong, but I recommend you and your husband make sure your step-daughter gets lots of attention from her dad and one-on-one time (maybe a "daddy-daughter date" every other week or even once per month, depending on how much time they get together) so she can feel special and also not resent the baby.

 

[verily]

I'd chalk it up to her age if she was pretty much like this with her mother too. She's probably also in one of those phases where she worries endlessly about what everybody else thinks.

My 8 year old SS wants to name the baby after characters in the TV shows he likes. We took down his suggestions in our big list so he feels included, but they're all at the bottom.