My week

[BabyG2016]

This week was my first full week back at work since losing my baby.
For the most part it was a decent work, I had plenty to keep me distracted. I am a preschool teacher, so some days seeing my kiddos at work helps, and sometimes it hurts. On Wednesday, one of the girls in my class turned 5. So when we began to sing "Happy Birthday" to her, the realization that I will never get to sing to Teddy. I will never watch him make a mess in cake, blow out candles, or any of the other elements of celebrating a birthday.

Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish in my misery and mourning. I don't want to "move on" or "move forward" I want moments and memories with my sweet baby. I want tantrums and dirty diapers. I want scraped knees and sweaty gym socks. I want all the ups and downs of watching my son grow.

I am blessed for all the love and support from my family and friends, and co-workers (some of whom share this misery) but I still feel lost and alone so often.

 

[momwithbabies]

Heartbreaking! I'm so sorry for your loss. It's okay to grieve everything that you've lost. And in your own time, the days will get easier and the reminders not as often. I'm coming up on what should have been my baby's first birthday. I don't know how I'll get through the day, but I do know I will. Having support helps, too.

Please take care.

 

[Needabun]

BabyG2016- Keep your head up and your heart open and dont be afraid to mourn. When i had my very first mc i tried to keep all of my hurt inside and again with my 2nd and it ended up taking a tole on me. I felt slow and depressed and one day once the smallest thing happened to upset me i burst out in tears that were from all that emotion i was keeping in. And i understand how you feel about working wth the kids, im an asst teacher at a learning center and ive worked with infants as well which can be a joy but really hard at times too. Just remember its healthy for you to mourn, just get right back, i know you'll get your beautiful baby soon.

And family really does help im also greatful for mines, my husband was there to comfort me every step of the way.

Good luck and lots of baby dust to you!!