Nearly Nine, Newly Lying

[ChimChims]

I need to know an effective deterrent. I am not open to the following:

Physical violence of any sort
Mouth-washing
Writing sentences

Any other suggestions (and especially shared personal experiences) welcome.

Thank you!

 

[messica]

Have you ever read him the story of the boy who cried wolf? Or had him watch the movie Peter and the Wolf?

Or asked him how he would feel if you lied to him.....for example if you told him you were headed out for ice cream, when you never intended to take him.

I think explaining natural consequences is the best way to tackle lying. If he fibs, people are going to learn not to trust him. They won't believe the things he's saying and that might land him in quite the pickle someday. And beyond that emphasize that lying HURTS people and it will hurt his relationships with others!

If you suspect you're catching him in a lie maybe prompt him to reconsider what he's saying. Have him stop, think, and make sure that's *really* what he wants to be saying to you.


What exactly has he started lying about?

 

[ChimChims]

Small things, so far. Like saying she brushed her teeth, or picked up her mess when she did not (the toothpaste was dried so hard none would squeeze out, meaning she'd not been using it, which she confirmed when I asked).

She lied three times yesterday, which is unnecessary and frustrating.

 

[messica]

I agree it's frustrating as heck and completely unnecessary, but it's also a phase most go through at some point. Integrity and character are taught over time, not born instilled. Being honest, when being lazy and getting out of accountability by lying are more convenient, is just like any other lesson learned. It takes time but she'll get there with your guidance. It's so normal, try not to become too frustrated as she sorts out why telling the truth is so important in life

 

[ChimChims]

That was an important reminder, thank you.

 

[messica]

That was an important reminder, thank you.

I about went off the rails when both mine started up and I'm not easily angered when it comes to their behavior.

Totally threw me for a loop, but only lasted a couple of months at best.


I promise, it'll pass as long as you don't scare her into feeling the need to do it more, which can be kind of hard to do when it's something as important as this that you want to nip asap!

 

[ChimChims]

I so don't want her to turn out like this other person I know, so I want to get it dealt with and consistent. You are right, though, I don't want to scare her into doing it more. As far as lying about something she's made a mistake on, she's always been raised that the mistake won't get you punished but the lying will. That was always enough. The lying in order to avoid doing what she doesn't want to is new, and feels different. Maybe because it was three in quick succession.

 

[messica]

I so don't want her to turn out like this other person I know, so I want to get it dealt with and consistent. You are right, though, I don't want to scare her into doing it more. As far as lying about something she's made a mistake on, she's always been raised that the mistake won't get you punished but the lying will. That was always enough. The lying in order to avoid doing what she doesn't want to is new, and feels different. Maybe because it was three in quick succession.

I too don't punish for the mistake but any lying attached to it definitely gets addressed. You are right on track with consistency. Imo you couldn't be handling this any better!

It's so typical for kids to start up at this age because they get so much busier. There are things they don't want to do as much as others....homework, chores, hygiene......be prepared for her to test her limits in all areas. As adults we tweak our schedules to limit the tasks in life we deem most unpleasant if not find ways to avoid them completely at times. We tell white lies. Sometimes big honking lies if the situation warrants it. It's not at all unusual that kids old and smart enough to stretch their wings in that department - to do just that too.

Still our job to keep it in check and guide to help them make choices that keep in line with our morals, but keeping it in perspective does help take the sting out a bit.



My sister, bless her heart, has taken up baking. She's in her mid 20's, and feeling a bit lost in life lately so it's been a wonderful outlet for her. She made cupcakes for my nieces baptism last weekend and they were.....horrid doesn't quite put it to words. The looks on everyone's faces when they bit in said it all.......but no one said anything about how terrible they were. When she asked, everyone said they were great. Good reason to lie? That answer is different for everyone. When I saw the look on my almost 11 year old's face I mouthed the words "be polite." She didn't finish it but under the premise she was full because to be honest about how much they made her want to throw up would have been rude. Rude? Or white lie? Depending on the situation fibbing can be a grey area. I think that's why this probably feels like new territory. Who wants their child to lie about brushing their teeth when that's a responsibility essential to health? NO ONE! How RIDICULOUS and INFURIATING! On that same tolken, who wants their child spouting that they honestly don't want to go hug grandma again because her overabundance of perfume stings their eyes?

Parents truly can't win sometimes, but at least as far as I'm concerned, you can't go wrong doing what you're doing right now

 

[ChimChims]

My word, how true! I do everything I can not to lie, but you are so right about perception and shades of gray. lol the cupcakes! lolol Thank you for the encouragement!