Need advice, age 36

[dreamgirl2]

Hi everyone, I am at a real dilemma right now and would like to have some advice. I am 36 and would love to have my own child. I have been dating this guy for a while and he is very nice, gentle, caring and supportive. I would like to move forward with him, getting married, having a family, etc. However, something kinda bothers me and I am not sure if I should bring it up. The guy is divorced and one of the reasons (at least that's what he told me) is that his ex-wife's parents accused him of being infertile, in particular, a disease called Kleinfelter's syndrome. He never got tested for that. I try not to judge but sometime I can't help noticing that he has some characteristics that resemble that disease. Maybe I am just paranoid. Shall I ask him to get tested? I feel awkward to bring it up but at the same time I feel neither of us has much time to waste. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

 

[Vonn]

Sure, it's awkward, but you HAVE to talk with him about it. You do need to be thinking about and planning for a child, if it's something you want. Tough conversations are a part of committed relationships and this is too big to ignore. You can do it!

 

[dreamgirl2]

Thank you for you comments. I appreciate your thoughts.

 

[lunamoona]

Have you had any conversations regarding your futures together? Discussed TTC or marriage? His potential infertility would flow on naturally from any plans you make together.

It must be addressed, he was brave enough to talk to you about it before so you must be equally brave to bring it up now. First of all it may not be true at all, maybe his ex had fertility issues and the in-laws were spiteful. It's very strange to come up with an exact diagnosis for his potential infertility, one that I and I'm sure many others have never heard of.

Talk to him, he sounds a lovely guy that would make a great partner in life.

 

[ms sunshine]

Why dont you say lets both get tested to.make sure we are healhy then its not just him as thre is less pressure on him and a lessmof an akward convo

 

[Katie Potatie]

I agree with the other ladies that it's a topic you should discuss. I'm not sure how long you have been dating but if he brought up the discussion point (even within a different topic), I think it warrants further, albeit, gentle discussion. Since he's someone you see a future with, I'd get the discussions going now. Because if he's the one for the future, it's a topic you will talk about at some point. And once we are in our 30's, I don't think it's unreasonable to air out our desires for future family planning and such.
All my best to you.

 

[Regin7]

Dear dreamgirl! I'm absolutely sure you'd better ask him to do the testing. Right now you might be not so concerned in this matter. But further while planning a baby this will definitely bother you more as you'll be responsible not only for yourself but also for your baby's health. I understand you don't want to bring any discomfort to your partner. this might be really hurtful for him judging from the reason for his previous divorce, but you just should ask him to check this out. Try to find a suitable moment for a nice talk with him. Explain him how much you care about your future and that you have to exclude every negative factor. I believe he'll understand you and you'll make the right solution together. Gentle hugs for you, hun X