Need advice regarding overnight stays

[Sparky0207]

Hey everyone,
Long time since I've been on here but really need some advice!!
The father of my girls and I have been apart for almost 3 years now, he sees the girls occasionally (court order states once a week but he generally sees them once a fortnight for about 6 hours at a time). He has a history of violence towards me so has been seeing the children while supervised at his parents house where he's been living since we split. I've allowed him to have the children rarely overnight providing his parents are present.
He's now moved out with his girlfriend and I've sought advice from a solicitor regarding contact. I'm not too happy to be honest as the solicitor has basically said that since he's had no history of violence since we split (as far as we know) that he will be allowed to have the children unsupervised. I'm not happy about this but feel I have no choice in the matter. The solicitors advice was basically 'give him enough rope to hang himself'.
Anyway, he's now saying that when he moves out he wants the children every other weekend overnight which I have refused entirely. His new property is a tiny one bed house with the bedroom overlooking the living area, its got like a 3ft balcony bit then a sheer drop down to the floor. It's not child friendly at all. My children are 4 and 3 and both climbers!! I'm petrified that they will climb onto the ledge in the bedroom and topple over. Also what are his rights with regarding overnight contact? Aside from the violent history, the fact that he has only one bedroom, with literally nowhere to even put blow up beds, would he still be allowed overnight contact? He's due to move in next weekend and I've dug my heels in but apparently he's going to a solicitors on Monday to demand overnight stays and I'm petrified! Any help or advice would be very much appreciated

 

[helen_beee]

I'm pretty sure he needs to have a bedroom that they can stay in before he'll be allowed overnights. I'd double check but I'm sure this is what my solicitor told me xx

 

[Ceejay123]

My oh was told that he should go for either a full day once-twice a week, or overnights for a weekend every other weekend so that the mum could have him one weekend. But this was dependent on the fact that he had a bedroom set up, which was completely childproofed. He also was asked to prove all cupboards, stairways etc were childproofed as his son was only 3. Where does he expect them to sleep?! :s x

 

[Sparky0207]

Thanks ladies. The girls have seen him today and my eldest has come home saying daddy has a magic sofa that turns into a bed that they'll be sleeping on which is apparently in the living room. The house is open plan (my friend used to rent it so I've been in it) and so they would be downstairs on their own with full access to the kitchen as its a kitchenette at the back of the living room. I know for a fact he won't have childproofed anything! He said if I don't allow him them overnight he wants them every Sunday which is going to make things difficult in the long term with regards to taking them away for holidays or even taking them away for a weekend. I can't get legal aid but can't afford a solicitor, I really don't know what to do!!

 

[helen_beee]

Thanks ladies. The girls have seen him today and my eldest has come home saying daddy has a magic sofa that turns into a bed that they'll be sleeping on which is apparently in the living room. The house is open plan (my friend used to rent it so I've been in it) and so they would be downstairs on their own with full access to the kitchen as its a kitchenette at the back of the living room. I know for a fact he won't have childproofed anything! He said if I don't allow him them overnight he wants them every Sunday which is going to make things difficult in the long term with regards to taking them away for holidays or even taking them away for a weekend. I can't get legal aid but can't afford a solicitor, I really don't know what to do!!

I'm sure where he is living will need to be checked before they can visit there to check how safe it is, baby proofing etc, so just play that card if he pushes. As for the every Sunday thing, as long as you are ok with him having them one day a week then I would agree as long as your ex understands that you will need to make other arrangements for special occasions but they will be planned weeks/months in advance. And even though you couldn't get a solicitor you can always represent yourself, you could talk to citizens advice if you needed any help and then represent yourself xx

 

[Dream.dream]

If your raise those concerns about the safety of his house they will check it out. Usually social service will come and make sure the place is child proof and he has toys, clothes and most importantly a place to sleep for them. He doesn't have to have a bedroom for them but does have to have a suitable arrangement for where they will sleep.

 

[Sparky0207]

Thanks everyone at the moment he's agreed to Sundays and no overnights but I'm not sure how long this will last! Fingers crossed its a while!! Thanks so much everyone xx