Needed a MAJOR vent.

[LoolaXx]

I don't normally post these but i feel like I have to today before I go insane with this TTC life I've conceived in the past once before with a previous partner but lost the baby to a MMC But since then my cycles have lengthened to 35 days after coming back off the pill (cycles used to be 28) and we are on our 7th cycle with no luck at all I'm so scared that since my cycle length change, that something has gone wrong somewhere inside me, or that my fiancé is infertile or has a low sperm count as he's never conceived before because it happened before when I was on the microgynon contraceptive pill with a partner who I wasn't even thinking about children with (though I loved the baby from the moment I knew of its existence)

On our first cycle of ttc, we just did the BD But since then we've started trying new things like charting, using opk's, tracking CM, both taking prenatals and also using either preseed or CP each month so I naturally feel more positive as each cycle comes because were trying things we haven't tried before, to then feel even more gutted when AF shows it literally rips my heart out as I'm sure you can all relate to! my uterus also tilts, which I was told at my internal scan last pregnancy so I'm scared this also is going to cause problems (although I conceived before with it when I wasn't even trying so I doubt it)

UGH. Does anyone else want to vent so I don't feel alone? Or any words of advice would be gratefully received right now. OH and to make matters easier (not) it seems like everyone around me in my real life is becoming pregnant and announcing it on social media everywhere and they wasn't even trying. we can't physically do any more and still have no luck. I started off this journey positive but the positivity has been drained out of me each cycle and now by the 7th one, I feel like my turn will never come. I'm no longer positive and I can't imagine EVER seeing those two lines on a stick, because I've seen that drab 1 liner for what seems like month upon month! I know people have waited much longer than me don't get me wrong. Sorry for a huge moan but I feel sh*t excuse my French xx

 

[proudwifey]

I hear ya! I've been ttc for 2 cycles now. I know it's not long but it does get frustrating. My DH and I have been together for 10 years. I have wanted this from day 1 so badly, but we wanted to get all of our ducks in a row before bringing a life into the world. We are finally ready. Ever since I was little, all I wanted was a child of my own. It has been a long road, but we are finally ready. The first month ttc, we followed the SMEP. Although, it wasn't easy. DH doesn't like this scheduled and doesn't like the science behind it. He continues to say to just "let it happen." With doing the research I have done, I don't even understand how this happens accidentally, or "just happens." Things need to be timed perfectly and why wouldn't I track ovulation to get the best idea of when the perfect timing is?

So first month, obviously a bfn. Which is fine, it was our first month. But we did give it a good effort. This month, we haven't been putting in as good of an effort. DH is really tired of the scheduled BD. Which makes me feel defeated. I have been taking BBT's this month and can see that ovulation has not happened. So we can still be putting in a good effort!!

My other concern is that I just got off of BCP in early December. I don't know if I even ovulated last month. I am under a lot of stress between working and ttc. I have this fear that I just won't even ovulate. I have been using OPK's and they're all over the place. I'll have a borderline positive result, then a few hours later, it's not even close to positive. I've had this happen twice this month already.

I am completely with you about the social media thing. Everyone is getting pregnant. Everyone is having babies. When will be our turn? The worst is when people who are aware of your desire to conceive and aware of your efforts and they say, "stop planning and let it happen," "let it be natural," "this person got pregnant without OPK's, you should too," and "so-and-so did it without tracking ovulation." WELL GOOD FOR THEM, but I want to increase my chances as much as I possibly can!

 

[writingislove]

I'll vent with you! I'm at the end of my 7th cycle and just tested and got a BFN. So now I have the excruciating wait for AF to inevitably arrive over the next couple of days. The first few cycles, I was able to stay positive, but the closer I get to that one-year mark that officially marks "infertility," the more I break down every time AF comes. I've wanted children for several years now, and my hubby wanted to wait until we were more financially stable. We're doing great now, so I know it was smart to wait, but at the same time if I would have known it would take so long, I would have said "screw it" to the idea of waiting for the "right" time.

The other thing that makes it so hard is that my dad is terminally ill, and although he could still live another couple of years, things with his health can change so quickly. I'm the only child and I want so badly for my dad to be a part of this special time in my life. He and I are so close. But the longer it takes, the more worried I get.

And YES, I have SO many friends who are pregnant right now--most of them with their second or third--and it's making me so depressed. I've quite literally lost count of how many of my friends are pregnant. If I see one more ultrasound picture show up in my FB news feed, I'm going to lose it. I'm so happy for them, of course, but it hurts that I can't just scream to everyone I know how hard this all is.

Anyway...thank you for the invitation to vent. At least none of us are alone in this. I don't think it matters if you've only been trying a couple of months, or seven like me, it hurts us all when AF gets us every month.

 

[proudwifey]

Sorry to hear of your long journey so far ttc and your father sick. Are you tracking temps? Are you for sure ovulating?

The FB pregnancy announcements put me in a sad mood every time I see them and I unknowingly give DH an attitude afterwards. My current struggle is mainly that I'm not sure if I will ovulate. I've been tracking temps and nothing so far. I had very noticeable egg white CM several days ago, and I also had 2 close to positive OPK's, but still no ovulation.

 

[LoolaXx]

Bless you ladies. Sorry to hear about your dad, sweet so terribly sad! AF has just gone a couple days ago for me, but I'm losing hope more as each cycle comes and goes. AF has been gone a few days yet I still have over 2 weeks to wait before I ovulate, I just hate long cycles. Most people have O'd by CD14 for goodness sake. First few months I was so excited about my fertile window approaching and now it rarely crosses my mind, ugh!! Oh, another friend announced her pregnancy last night, another ultrasound photo to just stare at and wish it was mine!!! This journey is TOUGH! This is cycle 7/8 for me too, let's hope we get our rainbow babies this month girlies 💗

 

[writingislove]

Sorry to hear of your long journey so far ttc and your father sick. Are you tracking temps? Are you for sure ovulating?

Yes, I've been tracking temps for the past five cycles, and I've had progesterone checked, so there's no doubt that I'm ovulating. DH is scheduling his SA today, so maybe that will shed some light...

Loola, it looks like you and I also both have the same cycle length. Mine are usually between 32-35 days. I get so envious of women with shorter cycles, because they have more chances to get pregnant. I really hope the wait is almost over!!!

 

[proudwifey]

I have a long cycle too! My first cycle after BCP was almost 40 days and my last cycle was about 32 days. Here I am at CD20 with no ovulation yet!

 

[LoolaXx]

Isn't it just AWFUL!!! And isn't it weird that all 3 of us have long cycles. Mine are also between 32-35 days and I just hate it hate it hate it! yep, I feel like I have less of a chance too, plus O takes forever to come around. And then because of the uncertain cycle lengths each month I never know when I O (through dates) obviously I do temp and use OPK's but I've even lost all motivation to temp this month I've missed 3 days already and I'm only on CD7 or 8! oh girls. When will it be our turn?

Oh bless you, cycle day 20 and still no O!!! Having said that, I normally O around CD21 I think so your time is probably close sweetie. There are most women well into the TWW by CD20 and there's us that are still waiting to O. Goodness there are so many things to stress over aren't there. It's MUCH easier said than done but I guess we have to be patient, it will happen when we least expect it

 

[proudwifey]

Thank you for making me feel not alone. I was in a thread when I started my cycle, and those girls are already in their tww and using hpt. I'm over here still waiting to ovulate! Don't give up hope tho, continue with the temping just to use as a record. I got excited when I saw the egg white cm and I'm even going to use an OPK today! Fingers crossed for us!

 

[LoolaXx]

See I don't produce much EWCM but I know I definitley O, so we use conceive plus for the first time last cycle (but it didn't work lol) so we are gonna try preseed this month. Worth a shot isn't it! I'm also in another thread which other ladies and it's the same situation, when we were all TTC it was always me still waiting to O when they were POAS and now 4/5 of them are pregnant minus me and one other lady so I am hopeful. One of us 3 on this thread HAVE to catch the egg this cycle! (Or even more than 1!!!) we got this.

 

[writingislove]

Oh ladies, as hard as this is it's so comforting to have people to talk to and help me stay positive! Loola, I've heard great things about Preseed, so I hope it works its magic for you this cycle! I have quite a bit of EWCM each month but it doesn't seem to be doing much for me, lol.

Soon2BPreggo, last cycle I didn't O until CD23, so I know how you must be feeling right now! It's funny, waiting for O to happen is almost as stressful as the TWW sometimes.

 

[LoolaXx]

Me too!!! According to FF I ovulated CD23 last cycle, what a nightmare lol. Yeah I've heard good things about both preseed and conceive plus but I think preseed is more American and CP is more english but it can't hurt to try! Yes it's so comforting to have ladies in the same boat, we are not alone xx

 

[Mina246]

I don't even have a clue when i ovulate or if I do, I've been holding off on buying test strips or a thermometer... maybe I should at this point. AF was supposed to be here 2 1/2 days ago but I just can't bear to get a test and see another negative... I've been crampy for three days and this trick has been played on me before by my body so I really try not to get my hopes up. I'm so glad we have people to relate to on here, because my fiance doesn't really understand my want for a child, and my little sister who is 19 just tells me something is probably wrong since we've been on and off trying and not preventing for like 10 months. And my mom doesn't really care either way and I have no friends haha. So thank you to you guys for being around!!!!!!

 

[LoolaXx]

Aww mina. Opk's only search for the luteinizing hormone (LH) that is realeased pre-ovulation but there's nothing to prove that you actually did ovulate. The only way to really tell is by charting as your temp should spike (rise, quite a lot!) after you've ovulated. This whole journey so far I've been worried that for some reason I dont O anymore, but I started taking my temp last cycle and I clearly do from last months chart it's just nice to know, a bit of reassurance to cross out any possible issues. Opk's are good in the way of knowing WHEN to but temping is good to prove that you have. So doing both is your best bet .. Having said that if you're already late I probably would test hun. I know how you feel, last cycle I was 2 days late and I just knew I wasn't pregnant and tadaaa I wasnt😟 TTC is pure mind games. It's tough. My fiancé doesn't feel it as much as I do. He says he does, and that he tries to stay strong for me (because I don't deal with things like this very well at all) but I often tend to keep quiet about babies now as it hits a bit of a raw nerve whenever he mentions it, just becausd it hasn't happened yet and my mind comes up with all sorts of things and just lately its been putting 2 and 2 together and spelling infertile on either side, so because I don't talk about it now as much as I did when we first started trying he thinks I don't want a baby anymore and gets paranoid because he wants it as bad as I do. They just don't understand how we feel when WERE the ones who have to pee on sticks that give us plain negatives each month. As the other ladies on this thread have said, majority of my friends are pregnant which makes this even tougher especially when we go out for meals and I'm the only one who can have a glass of wine and they're moaning about the fact they can't drink (when I'm sitting there and would rather not because id rather be in their position!!!) People that I would have never expected to have a baby, and the worst part is most of them haven't even tried. I don't understand it's crazy!!! No need to thank us for being here! That's what this site is for, it's a godsend x

 

[proudwifey]

Well here I am at CD 24 with no ovulation yet. How about you ladies? Any updates?

 

[Tess08]

Hi ladies. I hope you don't mind me dropping in but ive just been reading your stories and it is all sooooo farmiliar to me! I'm not TTC at the moment but a year and a half ago it was me venting that I thiught I would NEVER get pregnant. I was so worried about either me or my partner being infertile just like some of you are saying so I know exactly how you are all feeling. It is a horrible emotional time but I just wanted to stop in and say that in my 7th cycle (also with long cycles of 34 days) i conceived my beautiful baby girl. I know it's easier said than done but the only thing I did differently in the month I conceived was relaxed and enjoyed it! I had a break down to my partner that month and he really put things into perspective for me saying that I needed to stop stressing and enjoy the time we had together because it wasn't going to be just us for much longer! That really made me relax and think Yeh, I need to savour every bit of this time and I fell pregnant that month. I hope this helps you ladies and you all get your BFPs soon. Good luck to you all x

 

[LoolaXx]

Soon2be: how do you know? that sucks!! Have your temps confirmed no O yet?

Hi tess, firstly congratulations and secondly that is THE exact attitude I've taken this month! Normally I refuse to pee after sex incase it 'washes' the away lol (which I know isn't true) and normally I shove pillows under me and every cycle sex has become a chore but this month I don't even know what CD I am, (haven't looked at my ticker nor any of my apps!) and we're just BD'ing regularly but actually because we want to and it's so much more enjoyable! I hope something good comes out of this approach because I'm running out of ideas rapidly lol! How old is your baby now?

 

[Tess08]

Soon2be: how do you know? that sucks!! Have your temps confirmed no O yet?

Hi tess, firstly congratulations and secondly that is THE exact attitude I've taken this month! Normally I refuse to pee after sex incase it 'washes' the away lol (which I know isn't true) and normally I shove pillows under me and every cycle sex has become a chore but this month I don't even know what CD I am, (haven't looked at my ticker nor any of my apps!) and we're just BD'ing regularly but actually because we want to and it's so much more enjoyable! I hope something good comes out of this approach because I'm running out of ideas rapidly lol! How old is your baby now?

That's the best approach to take! I know myself how hard it can be to let go and just enjoy it because you want it so bad and it's just constantly on your mind but honestly, relaxing is the best thing you can do. She's 8 months now and becoming a right little handful haha! Love every minute of it though ofcourse. I'm back at work soon and absolutely dreading it but I had to come out of my little baby bubble sometime. Trust me, this is the easy bit so enjoy it because once your little baby is here there will be no time for BDing at all lol! X

 

[proudwifey]

Soon2be: how do you know? that sucks!! Have your temps confirmed no O yet?

I have been temping every morning so I know for sure I haven't ovulated yet. HOWEVER, saw a slight increase today and had spotting yesterday. I think yesterday may have in fact been OD. Of course, cause I did not dtd last night I did the night before and twice the day before that. Do you think I'm covered? Should I dtd again tonight or there's no point?

 

[Tess08]

Soon2be: how do you know? that sucks!! Have your temps confirmed no O yet?

I have been temping every morning so I know for sure I haven't ovulated yet. HOWEVER, saw a slight increase today and had spotting yesterday. I think yesterday may have in fact been OD. Of course, cause I did not dtd last night I did the night before and twice the day before that. Do you think I'm covered? Should I dtd again tonight or there's no point?

You are actually better to DTD before you O anyway so when the egg is released there is already little guys there ready to meet it! I BD'd the day before I O'd the cycle that I got preg. I would say DTD tonight for sure if your not 100% that you O'd yesterday x