Negative Midwife

[hippylittlej]

So yesterday was my home visit from the midwife. I opened the door to the midwife I can't stand. She is always so negative and questioned why i go for reflexology each week and why I felt I needed to go, she is always very abrupt and brisk.

She took my blood pressure which for the first time ever was up and kept shaking her head. My urine however was completely clear. She then said she felt at 4ft 9" I was too small to give birth at home and asked me what I thought.

I explained that everyone I had spoken to so far supported me having a homebirth, there is no indication that my height will cause any problem at all and that little people give birth naturally all the time. She said she had no issue with natural birth but just not at home. I explained that I was told my a short midwife that unless there is a medical problem that I can have a baby at home or the birthing unit without a problem.

She then went on to say the baby feels average size and asked if I was sure. I repeated I was sure and explained I was planning a hypnobirth. She asked what this was and what did they have to do. By this point I was both upset and getting angry. I tried to explain the theory behind hypnobirthing but she seemed to switch off. I showed her the birthing room and pool and she started barking out all this stuff I would need to prepare if I planned to have the baby at home. I remained calm and said we had everything she had mentioned and were well prepared. I asked at what point I would need to call as I was thinking when my contractions were about 3 minutes apart. She then told me it depended on how well I was coping as it would be painful and I may need them sooner and I was NOT to get in the pool until they attended. At this point I decided I was going to have to ignore her completely.

She re-took my blood pressure and referred me to the day unit and asked the to check my blood pressure, decide if i could have a home birth and confirm the babies position.

The day unit midwives couldn't have been more polar opposite. My blood pressure was perfectly fine, they fully understood and supported my hypnobirth and were very keen for me to make sure baby was head down. They gave me another scan which confirmed baby very low and head down. Monica said it wouldn't be long now. She then gave me a huge hug and told me to ignore the midwife from this morning that there is no reason I can't have a home birth, baby and I were in great shape. Monica asked me to write about how important alternative therapies have been to me as she is trying to get the hospital to open up an alternative unit and run hypnobirthing classes.

The head student midwife thinks my blood pressure went up because I saw the midwife I don't like and she made me nervous.

I came home very happy after a terrible time with the horrible midwife in the morning. So I am now all set for my homebirth.

 

[Leopard]

Congratulations, glad things went better after the midwife monster. My homebirth plans fell through but I'm glad yours are full steam ahead

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Oh dear what an annoying MW. No wonder your BP went up. What rot about the height thing. A girl I went to school with is under 5 foot tall and gave birth to a 9lb 8oz and a 10lb 9 baby naturally. Good luck

 

[allaboard]

Sounds like she's not confident in her own practice honey, nor is she research aware. many MWs are like this, they qualify and then stagnate. I'm glad she sent you to the unit otherwise you wouldnt have had the positive experience and confidence boost you came away with. Well done, stay clam and remember home is just as safe as hospital. I'd request not to deal with her anymore, that you have your next appts at the hospital and that you dont have her at the birth. You seriously do not want to fend her off if she comes and says you need to transfer - think how cross you'd be if you got to hosp and continued to deliver naturally so came in for no reason other than her twitchiness. Get rid!

 

[NuKe]

what a stupid cow. ignore her hun.

 

[hippylittlej]

Oh dear what an annoying MW. No wonder your BP went up. What rot about the height thing. A girl I went to school with is under 5 foot tall and gave birth to a 9lb 8oz and a 10lb 9 baby naturally. Good luck

This is why I figure my height really poses little problem at all. My grandmother was 4ft 5" and gave birth to 4 children naturally, I don't know what size they were but my dad and his siblings were all fine.

 

[Jims_Girl]

Oh wow... Awful midwife! After my experiences with my first birth I would be very tempted to write to the head of department about her negativity and her lack of knowledge.... I would also highlight the NICE guidelines and the patient focus care pathway..... I would perhaps mention that if she will be at your birth that she widens her opinion on alternative therapies....
But congrats on getting your homebirth....

 

[allaboard]

Your pelvis type is more significant than height, and no one can know what pelvis they have! And height and pelvis aren't connected, so basically what she's saying is completely unevidenced and total shite. All it does is make you question your ability to birth, which is absolutely at odds with what MWs are trained to do. FFS!

 

[Waiting4bb]

Unfortunetly in all fields there are people like that. Negative negative. Is there any room for negativity when such a wonderful thing is happening for you? I would turn and run from any midwife who treated me in such a way.

 

[diz]

Sorry to hear of your negative experience honey. Im glad that you managed to end the day on a more positive note. x

 

[ljo1984]

urgh what a cow!! was she quite old? she sound like an old matron type of mw lol!! glad the day unit MW's put you at ease though. xxx

 

[hippylittlej]

urgh what a cow!! was she quite old? she sound like an old matron type of mw lol!! glad the day unit MW's put you at ease though. xxx

She was quite old and also is the head of the community team I am under. My mum and husband has said that if by any chance she turns up at the birth they will send her away.

 

[ljo1984]

I don't blame them I'd send her away too if she's that negative! She does sound very old school but at the sane time if she's the head mw then she needs to get on board with more moron techniques such as hypnobirthing etc! Quite sad really that her attitude is like that! Xx

 

[Rebaby]

Sorry you had such a negative experience but as a pp said, i'm glad she did then send you to the day unit so that you then came away feeling more positive

It's very rare for a woman's body to cook up a baby too big for her to give birth to, so i would try to put her unhelpful comments re: your height out of your mind as much as possible.

I'd like to know how she thinks she has the 'right' to refuse/allow you entry to your own birth pool in your own house though?! What is she going to do- drag you out of there?! Crazy lady.

I asked my student mw/midwife who did my 36 wk home visit re: what point they advise getting in the pool at, and my student mw did say that they like you to be "quite established" as they worry getting in too soon will make you so relaxed that everything will slow down/stop BUT that it doesn't really matter because if you weren't planning to birth in a pool, and rang up to say you were in early labour, they'd advise you to take a bath or shower for pain relief and relaxation anyway and wouldn't feel the need to make sure you were in 'established' labour then- and it's the same thing! So basically, at the end of all that, she said "you just get in whenever you feel like you want to!"

 

[madasa]

TBH, I would contact her superior and complain. At the very least, you don't want THAT monster turning up on your doorstep!

This is diabolical treatment, and simply not good enough, but it won't change unless WE complain when the staff fall short.

Glad you got a positive experience in the end, tho! There is no reason why you shouldn't have a wonderful homebirth - too short my eye!