New and feeling sad

[Hula1]

We ve been TTC 15mns now and today i'm finding it really hard. Just started some preliminary tests (bloods, SA) also been working hard on diet/lifesytle. Also doing acupuncture which i feel is helping. Had been feeling positive that these changes were helping but today (CD 14, think i ovulated yesterday) am a wreck, tearful and unable to concentrate on anything. This has been triggered off by not being able to BD when i knew it was ovulation day and feel anxious may have missed the boat this month and then will have to face another month and so on.... I find it hard to talk about things and none of my family or friends know we are trying so just needed to talk to someone. It is the emotional rollercoaster that is so hard, of one day being fine and the next feeling rubbish. Sorry to ramble on as I know for some people it's been so much longer. If anyone has any tips for coping i love to hear them.

 

[winston83]

there are no real tips for coping with this rollercoaster except you have to stay positive and dont put too much pressure on things keep doing what your doing and try to relax a positive mind promotes a positive body things will happen huni just keep smiling xxxx

 

[Hula1]

Thanks i am usually much more positive than this ! It helps to know other people understand

 

[winston83]

its nice to have this site coz u can have a really good rant and you know people will understand its hard when you cant talk to family and friends my best friend had her baby last week and as gorgouse as he is i dont feel like i can moan to her when i feeling fed up and i get fed up quite a lot lol

 

[FBbaby]

hi Hula, welcome to the board
Yes, ttc is tough, ltttc is a really rollercoaster. I have now been ttc for 14 cycles and had a lots of ups and down in the process. I didn't help that I had a m/c first month ttc. We have now found out that OH sperm sample is borderline and at almost 40, I am not the most fertile person.

The only tip I can give is to accept the ups and downs that come with the different stages of the cycle because they are inevitable. I now accept that I will get anxious that we might miss ov (OH and I have been living apart, we have always managed to bd at the right time at least once, but I can't always be certain we will be able to be together, thankfully, 3 more months and the selling and buying property will be sorted!), then I feel relief and full of pma the first few days afterwards until the symptoms kick in and no matter how hard I try, I start obsessing about it and convincing myself that I could be pregnant. The last few days drag on, the thoughts take over everything else, I go over an over the 'I am pg one second' and the 'dont be silly, of course I am not' until AF shows, I get angry, then sad, and finally once I have accepted that another negative cycle has gone by, I start to feel relieved that the tension is over and I can relax a bit. Follows pma 'this cycle is the one', anxiety built up to ovulation and it continues.

Since I have accepted that those are the feelings I will go through no matter what, I feel much better about it and the obsession overall has very much lessened. I tell myself that one day I will feel definitely different and that will be my bfp cycle.

Also, I have now accepted that whether I do everything possible to make it happen or not... it makes no difference. I had 'perfect' cycles, good ovulation, good cm, perfect bding, pma etc... and still it didn't happen. I strongly believe that as long as we do bd once around ov, it can happen and it is in the hands of fate. This thought also helps me relax.

Hope your time will come soon

 

[Hula1]

Hi FBbaby. You are right, you do end up living your life one week at a time but i guess just accepting that and trying to get on with other things too will help.
At least i've got lots on in the next couple of wks to help keep me busy and i do believe it will happen when it's meant too but it is hard not to get inpatient sometimes !

Winston83 that must be really hard with your best friend just having had her baby because you lose someone close to talk too and you want to be happy for her and at the same time it is painful for you. Fingers crossed that it will be really soon for you too.

 

[fluffystar]

Hi Hula1,
I think we all completely understand on here how hard LTTTC can be and how lonely it can feel.
It is true that unless you have experienced infertility then, even with all the will in the world, you simply cant understand how it feels. Feel free to rant on these boards and take comfort from being in touch with people who will understand you. We are all quite friendly xx

Love fluffy x

 

[Deb111]

Hi Hula

We have been TTC for nearly 2 years and hubby is now on waiting list for op as he has been diagnosed with azoospermia (no sperm in SA).

I remember many months of knowing 'tonight' was a crucial night and us not being able to BD for some reason or he was too tired etc and I remember crying myself to sleep over it many times! For my own sanity I HAD to take a step back.

For me, I knew I was ovulating from previous OPK's etc, I had regular cycles so I stopped doing OPK's and tried to not keep too much of a track of my cycles and just focussed on putting some fun and spontaneity back into our sex life.

Of course, having got so used to ovulation pains and other symptoms, it was hard to stop listening so intensely to my body, but it did take the pressure off even knowing that 'these few days' were the critical time to BD, rather then knowing it needed to be TONIGHT

Hope your is just around the corner xx

 

[Rach27]

Hi Hula,

I just wanted to say, as hard as it can be, try to stay positive and keep your end goal in sight. It took us a wee while (like 4 years!) of TTC plus a failed course of IVF to get there but we did eventually!!!

All the best xxxx

 

[fitzy79]

Just wanted to say welcome and totally understand how hard this road we're all on is. This site is great for info and venting to people who understand. At the same time, if you did have a couple of close friends or family you could confide in I would recommend it as a few trusting shoulders to cry on or talk about anxieties face to face really helps me

 

[Springflower]

I really agree with fitzy. The forum is brilliant and has helped me massively but talking to a close friend also is very important. Sometimes you just need a good boo with a friend and then you feel better.

I also think FBbaby is right. I've found it easier since accepting that I'll feel up and down at different parts of the month.

It's a horrible horrible rollacoster and its awful that we have to ride it.

I hope tomorrow you'll feel a little better.

xxx

 

[zowiey]

First off, huge

It really can be so hard, but I have to agree with the others, I've told my mum and best friend. Neither can fully understand the pain, but it helps to have them there for you. I had a huge meltdown in front of my mum the other week, and she just listened, I felt so much better after just for getting it all out! My best friend is fab for telling me as soon as she finds out people are pregnant, so then I don't have to face any possibly awkward situations!

xxx

 

[talloulahloo]

Hi,

I know how you feel hun. Ive just registered this morning after searching the internet in need of support as im having a really emotional couple of days We have been ttc for 19months. Despite finding out over a year ago i have PCOS i still haven't been referred to the FS to make matters worse my sister in law got pregnant by"accident" and is due to give birth in 3 weeks!! im excited about being an aunty but im devestated at the same time, and when she is born we will get the "so when are you two having babies then?" from relatives we havent seen for years and i will be so tempted to say mind your own effin business. All i will say is try to keep smiling and dont forget why you and your partner are together, as we have had countless arguments as we are both upset and stressed, take time to let each other know how much you still mean to each other

 

[Hula1]

Thank you to everyone for their replies, I have never done the forum thing before (just lurked for a while !) and I am overwhelmed with such a positive and supportive response from you all. Thank you again and I feel much better. I have also taken some of your advice and confided in my sister to whom i'm very close about our situation. It does feel like a weight off my shoulders and great to have some who knows (and can deflect comments like 'you're 35 now you better think about having kids soon or it might be too late !!! from other relatives).

Here's hoping you all get your BFPs very soon.

Hula1 x

 

[mrsb1999]

Hi Ladies,

This is my first post to a forum EVER! After 14 months TTC I feel like I need to talk to people who feel the same way as I do (which seems to change by the hour!). Everyone here is so nice and supportive and I think its great that we can support each other through tough days and celebrate the happy ones

A little bit about me: I'm a 27 and a high school Spanish teacher. My husband and I have been married since August 2007, and have been together since high school - November 99. We've been trying to conceive since April 2009 and had an early miscarriage in February. We had some tests done - everything came back normal. Not sure if there's a real problem, or if we just have yet to win the odds? While I succeed in maintaining a positive attitude most days, its getting harder and harder to deal with the waiting and wondering and I find myself feeling sad and frustrated more and more often.

Wishing all of you the best - We can do this! xoxo
Mrs B