New baby and 4 yr old

[twobecome3]

Not sure where to put this as its more about my 4 yr old but obviously related to the baby. I'm completely at my wits end with my big girl right now, her baby sister is about 5 weeks. She is so miserable towards me 90% of the time. I know she is 4 and adjusting but I'm finding it really hard to cope with. We just can't seem to move past things in a reasonable fashion her dad can clear up tantrums quickly but for me they go on and on. She just kicked off for a Full Hour at 5 am because she shouted at me to get the pillow she threw and I refused to get it. She either is ignoring me or shouting at me or talking back. With school most of our time is rushed and negative. We are just starting our winter break here and my husband will get some of it off and I'm kind of dreading the days where I'll be on my own with the kids as its full winter now, not much will be open so we'll just be stuck at home. I am just SO tired I feel on the edge of the cliff most days. I'm trying really hard to keep it together and not react to her drama but usually at about the half hour mark of each meltdown I start to Crack. Timeouts don't work, taking thIngs away, counting down on her behaviour seems futile these days I feel like I'm counting down all day. I don't know if I'm expecting to much or I'm too soft on her attitude. I feel like there's a hamster on speed on a wheel in my head

 

[lau86]

How was she before her sister arrived?
It is hard when a sibling arrives and i think 4 is a hard age anyway. Interesting that you say she stops tantrumming for daddy. Rightly or wrongly she probably feels pushed out and confused, you mentioned the time with her is rushed and negative and she probably picks up on that.. is there any way the two of you could have more time together? I think that would help a lot. You're not alone and mine played up when their sister arrived despite me doing as much as I could to make them feel comfortable!! Sometimes you just need to keep your sanity and if picking up her pillow does it, then do that. The last thing you want is a battle of wills

 

[twobecome3]

Last week the baby napped before school run once so I had 20 mins to play a game uninterrupted. After school is a whirlwind until bedtime. My husband has part of winter break off so I'm hoping to get some one on one time. Baby is still unpredictable she slept pretty much the whole day yest while big girl was at school and today has been cluster feeding

 

[twobecome3]

4 yr old has always been headstrong and goes thru phases if being really hard w2hich is tied to big changes (the first month of school was a shitshow at home) or being under the weather, and she's been congested for a couple weeks

 

[twobecome3]

I'm finding it hard to choose my battles with her lately as most things are a battle of wills. I font want to fight over everything and I also don't want the 4 yr old lording over the household. I find it so hard to strike a balance on this when I'm so exhausted !

 

[justmeinlove]

I am in much the same situation. I suspect she just needs reassurance that you love her. Conceed the battles you don’t want to fight eg pillows. Maybe try a lot more explaining where you can. And I have found there are moments where you shout and you just have to apologise and talk it through.

Basically i agree with the she wants more time with you thing. Super good luck.

 

[twobecome3]

Thanks ladies the struggle is real! Tho its completely tied to my level of tiredness I've had days where I've felt completely nuts and then gotten a 4 hour stretch if sleep and then feeling like i can take on the world

 

[whatwillbex]

Don’t worry hun I feel your pain. Lack of sleep makes everything seem so much worse. They are just adjusting just as we are but unfortunately don’t have the words to sort of verbalise their emotion so it ends in a wobbly. My dd is very head strong too, it will get better x