New Here, and feeling really low.

[gemsio]

Hi, I am new here and feeling pretty desperate and need... well i don't know what.
i'll start from the beginning.
been with my husband for 7 years, we got married in Aug.
We started to try for a baby, and we were blessed and i fell pregnant on the first attempt.
I found out i was pregnant in Oct.
I was at work on xmas eve and started to bleed, people had told me it told be common, but i still went to the hospital to get checked out,had a scan.i had had a missed miscarriage, our baby had died about three weeks previously.
so i took the i had the pill they give you, and miscarried on xmas day.
it didn't really hit me until i reurned to work two weeks later, and i have found it all very distressing.
at this point i am really angry and can't get passed it.
if i hear one more person tell me it wasn't meant to be and we can always try again i think i'll scream. i find it so hard to even speak to my friends who have children and i'm scared i am going to lose friends.
i have just been plodding along, and then something happend that totally shook me to the core.
my cousin called me and told me she was told she had had a missed miscarriage with her third child, and she said i refused to believe it and went back a few weeks later and they found a heartbeat.
all i can think is why did she tell me that?
why did she think that would be something i wanted to hear, should i have waited or have i killed my baby? i know deep down i did miscarry but that has put the thought in my head and i can't get it out.
my husband has been amazing so i am very lucky there, and we have been dealing with it together.
but i just want to know when this feelign of anger will go, cause i can't go on like this,i try and keep a brave face, but i'm so tired, and feel bad because i feel i can't be there properly for my husband, as he is going through it aswell, i feel really selfish!

 

[MrsJD]

Oh gemsio,

Firstly I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

I don't think for one minute you've killed your baby, these cases are really really rare and your cousin should have kept her mouth shut, some people are so insensitive hun!

I had anger, tear and snotters for a while after my first MMC in July 08 and all I can say to you is time is a healer, it might not seem like it just now but it does get easier.

Sending you some

XXXXX

 

[Shelby2007]

Oh honey. Im so sorry you are going through this. MMC are a cruel fate

I had a MMC at 9 weeks with identical twins. I could see on the screen that the babies were moving.. and didnt see their hearts beating That was really cruel of your cousin to call and tell you that - or at least I think it was anyways. I have a 3 month old nephew.. and my sister in law (she's 19.. grr) tells me - I love being a mommy.. and she cant wait to be pregnant again.. not because she wants another baby.. but because she just LOVED being pregnant.. GRRR.. I do not want to hear this..

I also hate hearing.. it happend for a reason.. it wasnt meant to be.. you will have your baby soon enough.. and at least it happend early on.. it still hurts.. you know.

Im sorry to rant. You are NOT being selfish at all... and you did NOT kill your baby. I think maybe getting out.. going for a nice walk with you DH.. would be nice.. you two could talk.. and get some stress off of your chest.

 

[gemsio]

thankyou so much guys- i'm so sorry to hear about your losses too.
god it really does suck to say the least doesn't it?
i think what reallt got me and i'm sure this has happend to so mnay people we had to sit in the scan waiting room with all the couples sat cooing over there scan pictures.was like being punched in the face.
thanks again guys, good advice. xxxx

 

[MrsJD]

Forgot to say in my earlier post.

WELCOME to B&B! The girls on here are fantastic and I couldn't have got through this without them.

XXXX

 

[Jessa]

gemsio, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You absolutely did NOT kill your baby. I can't believe that your cousin would say that to you. I've heard that it happens, but it is VERY rare.

Hang in there. Like MrsJD said, it does get easier eventually. Each person takes a different amount of time to grieve. I promise that eventually you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. Rely on your OH right now.

 

[gemsio]

thankyou i feel better already- think its been a long time coming getting this lot off my chest, will hopefully sleep better tonight. xx

 

[Jessa]

Keep using this forum as a place to vent and let your feelings out if you need to. It's invaluable to go through this with other people who know exactly what you're feeling.

 

[gemsio]

thankyou jessa, it really is helping. even my husband has been reading about what everyone has gone through with me now. we don;t feel so alone now.might try and find him somewhere he can talk to other dads who have lost a baby.xxx

 

[Jessa]

That would be a great idea. If you find a place, let us know what it is.

I found that my hubby seemed to get over it quickly. At first, I was upset at how easy he made it seem but I decided I'm no one to judge how he grieves. Some people process things and move on more quickly than others. Plus, I think that my hubby is so focused on supporting me through this that he feels as though he needs to be strong. He's shed a few tears, but nowhere near as many as me.

 

[gemsio]

thats exactly what chris was like- i think he feels terrible guilt because he wasn't at the hospital with me when i found out- he was on the motorway on his way home from work about 90 miles away. so he was consummed with guilt about that, even though i have assured him it was out of his control. now i think the loss of the baby has hit him,he is a sensitive soul and it has upset him more than he ever imagined.
xxxx

 

[Rebaby]

I'm so sorry for your loss

I think your cousin has been incredibly insensitive telling you that and i understand why that will have knocked you back in your grief. It seems to me that every time i start to feel the tiniest bit better i read or hear or see something which takes me right back to square one

I also found it hard in the waiting room, and i am dreading going back to work as i'm a neonatal nurse but i know i will have to sooner or later...

I wish i could be more help to you, but i just wanted to send you some I think you'll find this site a big help, i know i have.

Take care.