new here...feeling so numb

[bensmommy]

I've been reading all of your posts and finding so much encouragement here in the last few days, this is my first post, I'm a little nervous...

We lost our baby Benjamin to a mmc 8 days ago at 17 weeks...I was the most devastated I have ever been in my life, didn't sleep, didn't eat, cried for days and days. Now, my husband is back at work, the kids are back to school, life is back to normal and I just feel...nothing. Just numb. Somehow it is more upsetting to feel nothing and so disconnected from my sweet baby, than to feel the huge sadness that I felt. Has anyone else had this experience? It bothers me so much, I almost wish I could go back in time to the hard day of his birth because then I would at least feel close to him again...

 

[Mellybelle]

I understand exactly how you feel honey.
I am so, so very sorry for your loss.

I remember my husband going back to work a week after we lost Kyle and he said something about "life going back to normal". I burst into tears (again) because life can never be normal again. "Normal" was me being pregnant with our beautiful, much loved baby. After my most recent loss, I am able to cope a little better as I know what to expect and how to deal with my emotions. I still love this baby just as much.
You have come to the right place for support.

RIP Sweet baby Benjamin. xx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I know exactly how you are feeling.I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Ava 6 weeks ago at 18 weeks and the next couple of weeks for you are going to be extremely hard and I am sorry for that Same for me, my husband took off for over a week and had to go back to work and the first couple of weeks I called him so much, cause I felt so alone . I now am a little better, but my emptiness is constant and my heart just aches all the time. I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and this pregnancy was a BIG surprise, I am also 40 so we thought we were done and when i found out I was pregnant I could not stop smiling, i was so happy and now I am just sad and lonely without her.
I know eventually I will get through this, but let me tell you I am a different person and the hole on my soul will never mend. I long for Ava every single day. I know how you are feeling and I am so sorry and if you need a friend I am here. Another blow to me was the report came back that the cells didn't grow . Most likely it was a chromosomal abnormality, but I will never for sure/
XOXOOXOX All The Best

 

[kam78]

My heart breaks! I absolutely hate hearing this..... ((Big Hug!!))

Well, you landed in the right spot sweetie... We will TRY to help you in this journey as much as we all can..

I myself am fairly new too, but have found this site the most helpful then anyplace else... Everyone here, unfortunately has or is walking in your shoes...

I lost my daughter, Emma 2 weeks & 6 days ago... I'm telling ya, you will have different feelings & thoughts from minute to minute...and it's ok... You take all the time to feel or think however you want... Your pace.... ♥

Just know we are always here... You post anything & everything... Ask questions, scream & rant... Cry & ask "why"... Anything.... We'll be here for ya babe!

Hopefully my Emma is being polite & showing your lil Benjamin around & playing nicely : )) I always think of all our lil angels together, playing & giggling... I find such comfort in that... ♥

 

[andella95]

 

[mommy2lilmen]

Im so sorry.

 

[hannpin]

 

[SassyLou]

 

[pink_bow]

 

[SarahJane]

I am so so sorry that you have to be here. I just wanted to send hugs. I am also new as I gave birth to my daughter Evelyn 12 days ago in what was the saddest and happiest day of my life.

I too wish I could go back to that day. The numbness is so much harder than the tears.

Talking helps but I am not ready yet to tell Evelyn's story on here. I am finding that just planning every day and having something which has to be done that day is helping a little.

Hugs to you and floaty kisses to Benjamin your beautiful angel xxx

 

[MrsKippling]

 

[jojo23]

so so sorry for your loss hun its just devastating. i lost my Lily at 22 weeks and its the hadest thing i have ever gone through in my life. i had very bad days but i also have good days where im positive and optimistic and i realise theres nothing i did wrong. i can only offer an ear and shoulder to cry on hun cause all the words in the world wont make you feel better right now but i promise you WILL get through this to you and your lovely little angel xxxx

 

[babesx3]

How u feel is totally normal.. take care XXX

 

[Hevalouaddict]

sending hugs. When i lost my twins i felt so alone. The worst feeling was after losing regan at 12 weeks trying to stay positive for the sake of oakley then 2 weeks later losing him too. I was distraught and no one was there for me until i joined this site. Everyone is so helpful and i finally started feeling better. Hope we can help you too x

 

[Hotbump]

 

[Mumof42009]

xx

 

[bensmommy]

Thank you all so very much for your kind words and thoughts. It warmed my heart and helped me feel not so alone. I just needed to know that there was someone out there who knew how I felt, and that it was ok to feel the way I do...I appreciate your loving hearts.

 

[AUGmum]

So sorry about your loss. I pray for comfort and strength for u. x

 

[Mellybelle]

I dont think theres anyone in my "real" life who understands how I feel. I really hate to think where i'd be if I hadnt found Bnb. The support from other women who have walked in my shoes is amazing. .

 

[Jox]

I am so sorry for your loss

Fly High Baby Benjamin