babylovebug
TTC L/C # 1
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2011
- Messages
- 34
- Reaction score
- 0
Hi ladies. This past week has been a little bit of a rollercoaster for me and my previous place of support has been plagued with too much drama and pettiness, but I still feel the need for support through this crazy journey.
I guess I'll try and make my background brief. Over two years ago I lost my angel Everett Corwan around 8 weeks gestation through a natural m/c. I was not at all supported by his "sperm donor" who called me a liar for months. I went through delayed grief, which ended up hitting me really hard mid-first semester in a very competitive college program. I ended up being asked to leave the program (it was pre-professional dance)... mostly because right as I was feeling more comfortable, my BFF got her BFP and that in itself has been a huge weight on my shoulders. My godson is my life and I love him dearly, but I hate watching her parent and hearing her stupid comments when I so desperately miss my son, each and every day.
My new DBF and I have been together for 2 years, NTNP for 99% of our relationship. We had a rough start, but his want to give me a child and to have a child of his own has prompted him to push us from NTNP to TTC as of mid-last cycle. I'm sure because the cycle previous I was SURE I was pg... only to be about a week late and making a trip to the ER with severe pain and cramping which reminded me so much of my m/c. I was treated very poorly during my visit and it took me about 2 weeks to really recover from my visit which brought back a lot of painful memories and also, even though blood tests were - for pg, involved a bit of grieving for the pg that I thought was forming.
I'm currently a business student and he is a pharmacy tech student slated to graduate in april/may this year with job in place. We don't live together at the moment because my job is "seasonal". I work in sportservice for a HR office and he has been dutifully trying to find work for the past few months since he moved to be closer to school. Though things could be more stable financially, the fact that we were NTNP for 2 years has both of us concerned about possible IF issues on one, or both of our parts.
This cycle my test date falls right around my dear son's 2nd "birthday" (the day he would be turning 2 based on his EDD)... so I'm feeling particularly neurotic. I'm CD22 right now and still waiting to confirm O. I was sure it happened over the weekend, only to have a + OPK this afternoon, with a temp drop this morning, even though my CM has dried up after a patch of WCM (which is as fertile as mine gets, I've never seen EWCM).
I'm just looking to surround myself with a place where I can feel ok being neurotic and a mess, instead of trying to put on a brave face, which lets face it... is starting to wear thin.
Thanks for listening! I'm anxious to meet all you wonderfully brave women yourselves!
I guess I'll try and make my background brief. Over two years ago I lost my angel Everett Corwan around 8 weeks gestation through a natural m/c. I was not at all supported by his "sperm donor" who called me a liar for months. I went through delayed grief, which ended up hitting me really hard mid-first semester in a very competitive college program. I ended up being asked to leave the program (it was pre-professional dance)... mostly because right as I was feeling more comfortable, my BFF got her BFP and that in itself has been a huge weight on my shoulders. My godson is my life and I love him dearly, but I hate watching her parent and hearing her stupid comments when I so desperately miss my son, each and every day.
My new DBF and I have been together for 2 years, NTNP for 99% of our relationship. We had a rough start, but his want to give me a child and to have a child of his own has prompted him to push us from NTNP to TTC as of mid-last cycle. I'm sure because the cycle previous I was SURE I was pg... only to be about a week late and making a trip to the ER with severe pain and cramping which reminded me so much of my m/c. I was treated very poorly during my visit and it took me about 2 weeks to really recover from my visit which brought back a lot of painful memories and also, even though blood tests were - for pg, involved a bit of grieving for the pg that I thought was forming.
I'm currently a business student and he is a pharmacy tech student slated to graduate in april/may this year with job in place. We don't live together at the moment because my job is "seasonal". I work in sportservice for a HR office and he has been dutifully trying to find work for the past few months since he moved to be closer to school. Though things could be more stable financially, the fact that we were NTNP for 2 years has both of us concerned about possible IF issues on one, or both of our parts.
This cycle my test date falls right around my dear son's 2nd "birthday" (the day he would be turning 2 based on his EDD)... so I'm feeling particularly neurotic. I'm CD22 right now and still waiting to confirm O. I was sure it happened over the weekend, only to have a + OPK this afternoon, with a temp drop this morning, even though my CM has dried up after a patch of WCM (which is as fertile as mine gets, I've never seen EWCM).
I'm just looking to surround myself with a place where I can feel ok being neurotic and a mess, instead of trying to put on a brave face, which lets face it... is starting to wear thin.
Thanks for listening! I'm anxious to meet all you wonderfully brave women yourselves!
right back
Love you.
