Newbie to Nicu - emotions all over place

[nimbec]

Hi everyone well baby Harrison was born 10/3/13 at 36+5 by c section we held out as long as we could after some scary false labour episodes.

Unfortunately he is in the Nicu due to having transient tachypnea of the newborn & an infection he is in te incubator with oxygen flowing around to help him keep his sats up. He also isn't managing to keep any milk down (through ng tube) so has a drip and has only had 2 wees since he was born 17.59 yesterday.

It's heartbreaking seeing my little man struggling to take each breath his chest & tummy is working so hard! I still haven't held him as he was whisked off from theatre and because he's still a bit distressed we are not able to touch him much

I'm expressing (Blimey it hurts!) but i am an emotional wreck I guess I just take one day at a time?!

 

[nimbec]

Sorry posted early: cont...

Not sure what response I want maybe some tips on how to cope? I'm in floods of tears and I also feel like I can't be a mummy & he has no idea who I am & I can't help him!!

The worst feeling is my guilt of wishing I could have kept him in longer

 

[dollface85]

hello darling!! I am so sorry he is struggling but I'm sure he is fighter and will be better in no time!
My DS was born 6 days ago at 32+2 and there was no apparent reason for him coming early, there were no complications or infections! He is doing great though, no issues so far except being here too early. It is very hard though leaving him there everyday and praying that he progresses and has an uneventful stay.

I know its very hard not being able to hold him, even though I can hold my Elijah it still isn't enough, wanting to take him home. I can only imagine not being able to interact with your bubba.

Take console in the fact that NICU doctors and staff are well trained and will take amazing care of your baby. Have they told you what to expect in the next 48 hrs etc?

 

[nimbec]

Thankyou Hun, it's all very overwhelming but I need to keep it together for my little one (although at 6pounds 3oz) he's probably one if the biggest in there!

We just have to wait ugh it's the hardest part seeing hi struggling and working hard to catch his breath. I've just been over to see him 5am here now & he looks relaxed and snoozing so that was precious and I just chatted to him.

Congratulations on your Lo he looks gorgeous & I really hope he continues to thrive and thanks again for taking the time to respond!

X

 

[dollface85]

Just you being in his presence does him so much good. He knows you are his momma just by your energy. Him being calm like that is good he is getting his rest and fighting off the infection! Everything is gonna work out

 

[nimbec]

Thanks hun I had my first cuddle this morning and OMG was I emotional it was amazing!!!!!

I totally understand you wanting your Lo home with you it's natural instinct - hopefully you an count the days down & it won't be too long. Do you have any ideas how long you will have to stay? It's amazing that Lo is doing so well has he been weighed again?

 

[dollface85]

They said 4-6 weeks but I have feeling he is gonna be out in 3 or so. Its crazy getting to hold them. Makes it all so real. He lost weight the 3rd day like most babies do and now he is about 4 lbs 5 oz. Getting bigger everyday.

 

[25weeker]

Congrats on the birth of baby Harrison. The first week in neonatal is completely overwhelming, on top of your baby being unwell you are going into this really intense environment which you have probably never experienced before. Add in all the hormones rushing about your body everything you are experiencing is perfectly natural.

It just takes time and you will find a coping mechanism. Make sure and take breaks away from the unit and don't feel guilty for it because you also need to keep your strength up for when your little boy comes home.

If expressing is really painful check you have the right size cup and it isn't too small / large. You may also have the suction / speed setting too high. Start on a gentle one and gradually work your way up.

I hope you get a cuddle with your little boy soon.

xx

 

[Fleur29]

Just wanted to reiterate what the other ladies have said, huge hugs to those with newbies in nicu/scbu. My dd was born at 34+4 in oct 2011 and was in scbu for 9 days - longest 9 days of my life!! So I understand how you're feeling. It is incredibly tough. But you will get through it and as the pp said - you find your coping mechanisms! It's ok to not hold it together all the time. I remember just sitting in scbu weeping uncontrollably, everyone who is there understands so just do what is best for you. Huge hugs and hope your little ones can go home ASAP xx ps they are always over cautious on what they say re going home dates, but just don't want to get your hopes up - so if they say 4 wks til going home it is probably more like 2 or 3 xx

 

[futurephotos]

Hi. Don't worry it gets better!
I know how anxious it is - I was a wreck too.
My son was born at 34 wks, but he was a big boy 6lbs 10oz He didn't need any oxygen support so that was lucky for us. We were in the infant care center (level 2 nursery) for 2 weeks before we got to come home. He wasn't suckling so he was fed through a tube until they could finally wean onto a bottle. I was also pumping my milk for him. I was able to work with a lactation consultant while I was there - so we practiced latching. Once we were home we still had to work a bit to get him to nurse, but once he got the hang of it it was nice that he was able to do both breast and bottle!
Anyways- things I learned from my experience is that sleep as much as you can- only getting up to pump as needed. I pretty much went for the whole first week on getting 1 hour of sleep per day. I was trying WAAAY too hard. For every tube feeding I wanted to hold him so he would associate me with getting his belly full. So by the time I'd held him while he was fed, then pumped, then ate a snack or meal, it was time to repeat the whole process again. I never slept and looking back wish I would have.

 

[nimbec]

Thank you so much everybody for your support. I've had a few cuddles now which has been absolutely amazing! Also I have this morning done his top & tail wash and changed his nappy! I'm beaming so happy to be able to touch him and start being a mommy! He's still in the incubator but not in oxygen now and is starting to tolerate a bit Of milk via ng tube

He is now a bit jaundice so may have light therapy today/tomorrow. Everybody in the unit is very supportive and understanding. I just keep crying and I'm so jealous of the ladies on the ward with their babies next to them don't get me wrong i wouldn't wish this on anyone at all but I'd give anything to have him with me 24/7

Hope all your lo's are doing well!!

Dollface that's a great weight

Futurephotos I can relate to that feeling. I'm only allowd him out if incubator morning & evening so all I do is drop the milk over but I can't resist sitting with him for a little while its so lovely in the night as he looks so peaceful and happy!

Fleur I bet they where this is only my 3rd day and it feels like an eternity and almost like a bit of a dream!!

It's nice to know you can maybe knock a bit if time off what they say!

Thanks again to you all!!! Xx

 

[Hope2302]

Wishing you and your lo all the best. All the emotions you are feeling are totally normal. I pray and hope he is home with you soon.x

 

[Fleur29]

That's so brilliant he is off oxygen and taking milk through the tube - fab progress. I remember feeling sooo envious of all the ladies on the ward with their babies or walking out with their newborns in their cosy car seats, it was so hard. But you know what, when you walk out of there with him it will be the best feeling ever - I still remember that moment so well.

Re timings - well we kept being told 'we generally say they are out by their due date' - which I just couldn't compute at all as Isabel didn't need any help other than to feed - it just felt so frustrating! In the end we were out in just over a week, so a lot less than they told us! I know they just don't want to get your hopes up but I wish they had been a bit more realistic with us as anyone could see she was doing really well and wouldn't be in anywhere near that long.

I wish I had known about this board when we were in scbu - I did feel really really alone (my hubby went back to work a couple of days after she was born so he could use paternity leave up when she got home) It was really tough sitting next to her cot for 12 hours a day. Cry as much as you need to! No one will judge you. I have to say I had absolutely nothing in common with the other parents we were in scbu with but it felt very supportive to be with others going through the same thing.

On the positives, having a nicu/scbu baby means you get uninterrupted sleep (apart from the worry/stress side of things) - I recovered really quickly from giving birth and I'm sure that getting a few nights proper sleep before we brought her home helped. Don't get me wrong, I would've happily taken the broken nights and had her with us but in hindsight it did help us to be ready for her to come home.

Anyway enjoy the cuddles, they're such special moments.

Hope your boy continues to do well and can come home really soon! Keep us posted! Xx

 

[dollface85]

I had my breakdown last night. Its like I finally understood everything that had happened and honestly my birth was rather traumatizing being too soon an d too fast. I am also going back to worktomorrow since my DH hasn't been able to find work. Its very frustrating and stressful because he needs to be working by the time our baby is gonna come home.

The only thing our baby has to master too is taking all feedings by mouth. So I'm thinking he is gonna come home sooner than later. But its also scary it DH doesn't have a job yet. And I know I need to be home with our boy. On another note he is doing great so grateful about that everyday!

 

[nimbec]

Aww dollface ((((((hugs)))))) it's such a roller coaster journey and I'm not surprised you had a breakdown it's important to let your feelings out. In my limited experience I'm trying to take one day at a time and I'm an emotional wreck I can't imagine how horrible it must be for you to have to go back to work, is there no help towards finances you could claim whilst Lo is in hospital? I'm sure you have looked at all options please feel free to share your emotions here.

I really hope your dh finds work soon. Even though this is causing you stress try & remember that you any do anything about it now and you need to focus on Lo and remember how positive it is that he is doing so well I'm so pleased for you that he is showing improvement

Now then all I need to do is take my own advice!! Lol

(((Hugs))) to everyone x

 

[Agiboma]

Its pretty much all you can do is take it one day at a time when dealing with NICU, sounds like your LO is progessing well and will be home soon. Stay strong mommy!!!