News from my SIL...

[2Pups4Kids]

A couple months ago, I squeezed the news out of my sister-in-law that she was pregnant. It was a big surprise for her, but my brother-in-law was over the moon as he had a lot of trouble conceiving in his previous marriage and was never successful.

When I found out she was pregnant, I told her I had stopped taking BCP and DH and I were TTC. The next month, I fell pregnant and we were so excited for each other. She told me my brother-in-law admitted he was happy they got pregnant first because he'd wanted a family for such a long time and would have been disappointed if his little brother had a child before him.

Well, I text her today to see how she'd been feeling, and she told me she was driving back from the hospital because she miscarried at 12 weeks... I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it. I told her to stop joking.. she wasn't. She was being so strong... staying positive... and here I was bawling my eyes out for her loss...

Now I'm scared... SO scared it'll happen to me too... and if it doesn't, having to face them when I give birth to my baby, knowing they would have given birth to theirs exactly a month prior...

And out of excitement, they'd told the in-laws about the pregnancy early. I haven't yet, and now I want to wait even longer to tell them so that they can have time to absorb the news of the loss before I bust in the door and announce my pregnancy...

This is so hard... I'm trying to stay positive for us and for them but it's really tough...

Thanks for listening...

 

[Poetschild]

What a difficult situation for you to be in. Of course you want to support your SIL but you also want the family to be happy when they hear your news. All you can do is be there for them and be sensitive to them. The fact that you are aware of all the factors shows that you'll do your best not to intentionally upset anyone.

 

[tddunn]

This is why I haven't told anybody I'm pregnant and even though people have started to get suspicious between the bloating and mild sickness I have refused to let them pressure me into telling for that very reason. Eventually u have to tell though. I'm telling at 7.5 weeks

 

[ItsAWonder]

2Pups - I have had 2 miscarriages and am on my 3rd pregnancy. During all of this my sister gave birth and numerous friends announced their pregnancies. In the beginning I was happy for everyone but still a little sad for myself. The sadness did go away and I was just left happy for them. Your SIL will want to know the progress and she will still be happy for you just understand she may not be jumping up and down right now. It's nice that you want to wait to tell the family so everyone can absorb this news first. They will need it.

 

[2Pups4Kids]

Thanks ladies... it's still fresh, so I think time will allow things to heal and happen as they will..

 

[Mummafrog]

I'm so sorry, what a difficult position to be in. You probably feel a great loss after imagining the joy of going through your pregnancies together and both having a young baby, I would find that very difficult. In a few months the family will all be accostumed to the way things are going to be, but I totally agree with you to let the dust settle and let them digest the news before giving them more news.

Although I also think your SIL wouldn't want her loss to prevent you from talking to family if you need their support, maybe you could let her know when you feel like you need to share the news so she can prepare herself, it's good she already knows you're pregnant.

Love to your family xx

 

[Boothh]

This happened with me and my friend, she had her baby and I miscarried. After a few weeks of getting my head around the idea I was okay, I was still excited for my friend and happy for her. And I made sure to tell her it was still okay to talk about baby with me. It was abit hard at first but by the time her baby was born I was pregnant with my son. It's hard but it's not your fault and I'm sure she wouldn't want you to feel bad or awkward about it.
Of course be sensitive and think about her feelings but you're still allowed to be excited for yourself Hun and she won't expect you not to be xx

 

[2Pups4Kids]

Thanks so much ladies... it's tough but I can't imagine what she's going through... I like the idea of letting her know when I plan on telling the family, just so that she knows I care about her and how she feels.

 

[Rickles]

I'm in a similar situation - My SIL miscarried (but needed a D&C) earlier this year - baby was due in Oct.

Since the D&C they've been told they will need help to conceive because they damaged a tube (or something). She's on clomid now so hopefully that will help but they have been trying for a year and she is desperate for a baby.

We told them we were trying for number 2 (and we are much older - so the clock is ticking) but I had to cancel dinner with her last week because I'd have felt like such a fraud knowing I was pregnant whilst we talked about "trying".

It's tough cos I know she will be happy for us but it will be another kick in the guts for her so I am desperately hoping something happens for them in the next few months so our babies can be close in age and she doesn't have to celebrate another baby in the family without being pregnant with hers. xx