No idea what to do next. 5yr old behaviour problems

[MummyToAmberx]

Hey, i feel like ive hit a dead end. I have no idea what to do, what to think or what of anything right now.

My second born is 5 years old i think her behaviour is getting out of hand. Shes always been 'naughty' one she has very 50/50 personality. She is either good as gold or the devil. When shes in her not so good mood she has a short fuse.

We have tried all sorts of ways to help encourage good behaviour. We have also tried all sorts of things to say to her 'look youve done wrong you wont get such and such you need to earn it back.

It seems to be mainly with me although she still acts nasty to her dad and older sister. She has started hitting and kicking me when shes being naughty. Hes an example from today.

We got in the house today i asked her to sort her shoes out, storms off throws her school bags across the room then kicks me. Shouting at me for throwing her school bags, say few things no need for that. She starts slamming doors screaming at top of voice. This just continues.
I leave with the baby and go upstairs she then starts on her older sister for no reason hitting her in back and kicking her. Her sister comes up stairs and joins up.

Then my daughter comes upstairs and my eldest says she cant play with my youngest. I ask her to go into her bedroom to calm down she starts hitting me tummy and repeatly kicking me. Which by this point i do crumble and burst into tears my eldest tells her to go away back down stairs. After i calm down i go downstairs she is all fine again.

Been many times when ive tried to talk to her in her heated moments she just hits me in face repeatly or throws my glasses across the room. She has thrown many toys at me also. I am at breaking point now, i feel like i cant control her anymore. She plays zero attention to anything i say and doesnt understans naughty she is being.

should i take her to docs? I just dont know.
Thanks for reading

 

[Quartz]

Firstly I would speak to the school. If there is an issue then it would also be seen at school and they should have a SEN who could start the ball rolling rather than you needing to go to the doctors.

If she is fine at school and they have no concerns then it could be the affect of starting school and a new baby and she needs help in managing her anger.

I would definitely speak to her teacher. I think seeing how she is at school and her behaviour there will start the process of.

 

[MummyToAmberx]

Firstly I would speak to the school. If there is an issue then it would also be seen at school and they should have a SEN who could start the ball rolling rather than you needing to go to the doctors.

If she is fine at school and they have no concerns then it could be the affect of starting school and a new baby and she needs help in managing her anger.

I would definitely speak to her teacher. I think seeing how she is at school and her behaviour there will start the process of.

Thanks for the reply, all school reports (one recently) have all been good. They have said she can have her moments but theyve never told us she has lashed out at anyone. She totally loves school took to it like a duck to water.
I personally dont believe its due to baby as she was like this well before then. Her behaviour started to go bit out of control around 2yrs, we have managed to control it but then periods she gets out of hand. I have noticed with every year that has passed she gets more extreme in what she does. I thought i seen a reaction to eating chocolate so we cut it down a lot and she improved.

Her older sister said this morning to her dont draw on my picture, so she kicked her.
We've always done time out / naughty step with her but now she wont leave doors alone next to her keeps slamming them. Im running out ideas on were to put her she wont sit still else where or just finds something to ruin. She knows fine well between whats wrong and right but just wont do right. She always resorting to ignoring alot that we say when you try to explain reason behimd why youve put her on naughty step.

Ive truely had enough of all this now and im getting no where.

 

[alibaba24]

I would most definately take her to the doctor who can maybe refer her on for some type of assesment . Im not saying her behaviour is abnormal or she has anything but It might be a pathway for you access some support and ideas on how to handle this type of behaviour

 

[stardust599]

My DD is 4.5 and heading the same way.

She's unhappy, demanding, whiney, clingy. She wakes every 1-2 hours for no reason other than to moan, she gets up at 5am.

She's always been over sensitive and hard work (I have an almost 3 year old and 3 nephews I care for regularly who are all "normal" and so easy in comparison and shes always been like this) but at nursery she is a perfect child, always getting stickers etc. for excellent behaviour. She is way ahead academically - writing, numbers etc. but emotionally she is fragile and sensitive and she struggles to cope with life and emotions.

Everyday is a 24 hour fight. During the night she's had multiple tellings off and then she'll start the day at 5am rubbing her eyes and still tired, demanding things. If she drops her teddy or her duvet needs pulled up/ she wants a drink during the night she'll scream and wake the whole house until I do it for her In the morning she doesn't want to get dressed, she's chosen her own clothes for over a year now (WW3 if I choose something for her) but I have to tell her 20 times to put them on, in the end I hold her still and do it for her or she would happily go to nursery in her pyjamas (she'd think this was hilarious and couldn't give a toss if she looks out of place or odd compared to the others at nursery). She doesn't want to eat her breakfast and demands crisps/biscuits etc. (I never give in to this and put my foot down but every morning is a screaming tantrum, surprisingly she eats well at nursery and at dinnertime). I used to be late to work regularly because of her refusing to put her coat/shoes on or sit in car seat etc and ended up with a final warning from work). She does nothing for herself - I have to carry her to the toilet or she'll pee herself, she can't clean up after herself - leaves dirty clothes and dishes lying but her 2 year old brother can put his in the kitchen because it's just the rule!

Her brother walks on tiptoes round her because he's frightened to set her off when she's in one of her moods - she'll lash out at him for something as simple as coming too close to her or walking in front of the TV (hes 2 he doesn't know better!)

I've only just got rid of the buggy because she was looking ridiculous in it and refused to walk anywhere and I struggled with 2 of them in double. Same with dummy ,we just posted that to the dummy fairy 2 weeks ago (at her own request with lots of prompting from me) and she got toys as a treat and lots of reassuring and she still screams and demands it.

I would say her behaviour problems have always been there but really intensified over a year ago when I split with her Dad. She is still angry at this and my ex made it no secret in front of the kids that he didn't want to split up and wanted to come back here and she holds a lot of anger towards me (he was emotionally abusive and a chronic liar and cheat although a good dad) But we do have a good "parents" relationship and he takes the kids 1 -3 nights a week. She doesn't have the same extent of problems at her Dads but he has been round to see what she's like here and doesn't think it's my fault. Just that home is the place she plays up more often.

Of course we have good times together but there's always something to ruin a good day. Today we were supposed to be going for lunch then swimming and going for haircuts in the salon just me and her and then we were going with my sister to have a family day but as she refused to stay in bed last night and woke hourly and at stupid o'clock this morning we are going nowhere all day as she needs to learn that she cannot behave like this and continue to get treats and nice things

I feel your pain and don't know what to do either. She too is good as gold or the devil child - there's no inbetween either.

 

[alibaba24]

stardust that sounds hard