Not really sure what to do

[Angel2Fire]

I've got my first appointment with my midwife on tuesday, and want to actually be able to say what I want at the appointment.

I'm very conflicted. I had a c-section with my little boy because he was breech. The consultant said its likely to run in the family as all my mums kids were also breech.

At the beginning I'd wanted a homebirth but was told I wouldn't be able to because I have chronic fatigue syndrome and was put under a consultant (how this makes me any higher risk I don't know, but I just did what I was told.)

There were no problems in the pregnancy apart from my son being breech and I have heard since that its possible to have a natural birth even with a breech (but at the time I was just told I'd have to have a c-section.)

I really don't know what to do. I've had some traumatic experiences in hospitals. I suffer from mental health problems and have had some particularly difficult times, especially in the local A&E. One nurse actually got me arrested for assault for splashing her with a drink after she'd really wound me up and accused me of being drunk and said some pretty nasty and harsh stuff to me. They now have it on my records at that hospital that I'm violent and abusive (which I'm really not!) I'm terrified of having to go to that A&E again, or that hospital in general.
I had some pretty upsetting experiences on the maternity ward when I had my son as well.

I think I might have the option of another hospital (which is a half an hour drive away) but I know people who have had bad experiences in that maternity unit too.

I guess my dilema is that if I ask for a homebirth, it will be the local midwives I see, and in the event that I did have to go to hospital it would be the local one. I can't see that they'd let me be under the other hospital for a homebirth if the midwives would have to come such a long way.

Also, I have a very low pain threshold and worry about how I would cope without an epidural. But I do think that the stress and anxiety of being in hospital would make things a hundred times worse.

Does anyone have any experience of being told they can't have a homebirth but for some reason, but managing to get one anyway? What would happen if they told me I had to be under a consultant but I refused?

Another concern is that the midwife I had last time was complete rubbish. I was telling her something was wrong but she said everything fine and that the baby was getting ready to engage. I then went to see the consultant (just a routine appointment) and found out my son was breech! What the midwife had been saying was his head was actually his foot If I hadn't been under the consultant I wouldnt have known he was breech until I went into labour.

Sorry for the long post. I don't want to go to the appointment uninformed because I know there will be more chance I will be talked out of it.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Ultimately it's your decision not the Mw or consultants where you want to give birth. They may advise you to be in a specific hospital but you are entitled to decline their recommendations. There is no such things as being 'allowed' either. It's not your job to convince them you should be allowed to be at home! IF you needed to transfer, generally you would go to the nearest hospital as it would be an emergency but there's nothing stopping you saying you don't want to go there if you transferred for a non emergency. The mws/ambulance should take you where ever you want Just make sure your birth partner knows to insist on it and get it in your written birth plan.

Have you thought about getting the support of a doula? Both for support through the pregancy and during the birth if you're concerned about the mws who may attend you. Continuous support reduces the likelihood that you would want an epidural. I've worked with women who like you said they had a low pain threshold and 3 quarters of them don't request even gas and air and no one has ever transferred in for more pain relief. It's worth thinking about. If you felt if wasn't financially viable, you certainly sound like you might qualify for help via the DoulaUK Access Fund.