not sure if this is the right place to post this..but i need advice...please read.

[sillysaurus]

okay so heres the deal. my fiance has a son from his previous relationship (13mo old) who he has temporary custody of because the "mother" up and left when he was 2mo old. my fiance has had custody ever since an the "mother" has not been around since. well, i stepped up and took the child as my own, i have been the primary mother figure. he is even beginning to call me mommy, and my fiance calls me his mommy. well, now the "mother" is stalking my myspace, harassing me saying im not his mom, she is, and that she is coming in march for the final court date and getting custody.. she has no job, no car, shes strung out and hasnt ever been there.. am i doing the right thing by taking him in? im so stressed, idk what to do..advice please?

 

[Linz88]

im very disapointed to see 5 people have read this and not offered you any advice

i think you should carry on how you are, i dont think a judge would be mad enuf to give her custody, taking the child out of your boyfriends home and placing him with a stranger wouldnt be fair..

let the mother no.. you no your not his mother.. but he needed mother so you stepped up and took the roll..

good luck hunny xxxxxxxxx

 

[MissEfendi]

Unless she is on drugs and/or has criminal convictions, she will be given some access to her son, she won't get custody as she has not been around but she will most certainly be given visitation rights, just small amounts of time built up gradually over time ( assuming she attends all dates and proves herself worthy) and then in time she COULD apply for custody but that is a LONG way off.
Obviously I do not know the reason as to why she left her son, but if she was in a bad place at the time, and it was not her fault then she has rights to get to know her son , after all she gave birth to him, but if she ran off for selfish reasons, then no, I don't think she would be able to have rights BUT saying all of that, if she has a clear records etc the judge will get her some access as they are very keen to make sure both parents are in the child's life ( sometimes that does more damage than is good!)

Bit hard to make a judgement without knowing the full story.
It must be hard for you having done all the hard bit by being around and bringing him up only to have her staking her claim to motherhood, she needs to realise being a mother means BEING there, so in effects she is not the mother as he recognised you as the mother since you know him and have been around. She will soon know this when the judge tells HER when she can see her son!

 

[ladyjayne]

I think your doing the right thing. Try not to let her get to you, delete her from your myspace or block her ect and carry on being there for this little boy. He's the most important one and he needs some stability in his life. Its not easy taking it on (i know im a step-mum too) and the ex's can bee a nightmare. But im sure your doing a fantastic job and the LO obv thinks so too if he's calling you mummy! xx

 

[sillysaurus]

thanks girls. your input really helped. the "mother" has already missed 2 court dates prior to the upcoming one. she ran off with another guy, not because she was in a bad place. and she has a history of drugs and my fiance has forgery charges on her for signing his name to a check. she also lives in florida now and we live in virginia. she ran off with some guy she met at a homeless shelter. me and my fiance have a stable household, (our own place, bills paid in full, vehicles, jobs, and we may be expecting!).. and she has nowhere to stay even if she does come up here. her mom is a drug addict and that would b the only place she would have to take the child if she were to get custody. my fiance is stressing so hardcore cuz if he lost custody he would die inside.. his son is his whole world. she has been threatening me, (to fight) and im just not into that kinda drama, im way more mature than all that. i did block her from contacting me on myspace. and so did my fiance, cuz he doesnt want her anywhere around the child because she used to leave the child alone and go out with her friends and cheat on my fiance, and she smoked weed around the child as well when the child was a newborn. and she also has a pic of me on her myspace with a caption that states (stupid lying std infected slut that thinks shes my babys mom) ..isnt that deformation of character? im so tired of this. i feel like im doing the right thing.

 

[MissEfendi]

In that case you really do not need to worry, she'll never get custody, people who make threats are usually all talk judging by the fact she has missed two court dates!

 

[sillysaurus]

true. i shouldnt worry.. she swears up & down my fiance still wants her. she even goes so far as to telling people they are still together. she even tried convincing him he still had feelings for her.. the girl is nuts. lol. it used to get to me, but not so much anymore. im just worried about the wellbeing of the child. he is my world.

 

[Eternal]

awww hun, i dont have any experience or advice but just wanted to wish you lots of luck.

 

[MissEfendi]

Keep being the mum you are, tell you man to be the father he is, seek legal advice, document everything she sends, keeps it as evidence so you can show how nuts she is, but rest assured he will NOT be taken away from you! xx

 

[mummy3]

good on you! Try and rise above the mother, what your doing will mean the world to that little one!

 

[sugartush08]

I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. The court's will do what is right. Even if she does get shared custody (I hardly dought she will ever get full) All you can do is be there for the little man and give him all your step-motherly love you can cause he will need to get it somewhere!!

Oh and document everything!!!!

 

[sillysaurus]

thanks so much ladies! you girls really helped alot. i have all the myspace conversations and stuff all printed and ready for court.

 

[littlekitten8]

Yeah thats a good idea. All the evidence you can give them is great. I highly doubt she will be given full custody with a history like that. She will most likely be given supervised contact though so be prepared for that. It would probably be at a contact centre unless you were happy to have her in your house. I think you are doing an amazing thing hun. So keep on doing what you are doing. And fingers crossed you get the result you want with the whole possible pregnancy thing

 

[sillysaurus]

oh definately not, it will have to be at a contact center because she is not welcome in our home.. unless she can be civil and mature, she isnt coming in my home.