Oh oh! Boyfriend!

[Mapleroo]

So last week my almost 13 dd shocked me with the info that she has a boyfriend. She is in junior high, but is about a year younger than most of her classmates because of where her birthdate falls. Regardless, they are all still young! I had no idea she was even interested in that sort of thing. When I was her age I was pretty giddy for boys and everyone knew about it. DD is a bit like her Dad in that she is pretty quiet (doesn't talk unless there's something important to say, doesn't get excited; yet doesn't get mad either. Kind of 'even Steven' IYKWIM). I'm impressed that she told me, but any info since has been like pulling teeth. Everything that I have read since is that at this age it's usually very harmless and fizzles out rather quickly. So far they haven't had any contact outside of school (including phone calls, texting etc) Last night though at 10:45!! We get a knock at the door and LO and behold it's the boyfriend wanting to know if DD can go 'hang out' at the park!!! WTH????!!!! It's summer here and pretty light outside, but still ITS LATE! I told him no and offered for him to come inside. He declined and walked off. I know who the kid is, but I don't know him but from what the people that do have told me that he is a nice, good kid. The school year is now over so I'm not sure how this is going to play out over the summer, but I'm not really sure how to deal with this. I don't want to make a big deal about it unnecessarily, but don't want to drop the ball either only to find out it is a big deal!
Any thoughts/advice on how I should handle this situation???

 

[Amarna]

I would try inviting him over for a family dinner to try to get to know him more and then he and your DD can hang out together at the house, under your supervision. I think it's important to remain open minded so that your DD knows you are there if she needs to talk and so that she feels comfortable coming to you about anything. At this age it's rarely a super serious relationship and not likely to stick so try not to get too worked up.

 

[Noodlebear]

In all honesty I wouldn't get involved at all other than to make sure your daughter knows you're there for her. I'd have been pretty mortified if my mum had tried to meet my boyfriend when I was 12/13 lol. That's when it's all new and embarrassing. It's unlikely to last more than 5 minutes. My youngest brother is the same age as your daughter and still gets freaked out if you ask him about kissing girls

 

[Mapleroo]

Thanks ladies!

I did think about having him over for supper, but like Noddlebear, I would also have been mortified when I was her age. Maybe I'll just ask her and see what she thinks about the idea...
We did have a good talk today and I said while I think she is too young to have a "boyfriend" in the romantic sense, I am happy for her to have a friend that is a boy (I personally think boys make awesome friends!) that she may view as being a bit more special. I also made it clear that they won't be having any 'alone' time lol.

 

[JASMAK]

If she isn't even 12....I would be for that. What does a 12 year old Need a boyfriend for? My niece is saying and I don't like it, tbh. Hubby and I talked about it and group friend dates would be okay at 15 but definitely not younger.

 

[JASMAK]

If she isn't even 12....I would be for that. What does a 12 year old Need a boyfriend for? My niece is saying and I don't like it, tbh. Hubby and I talked about it and group friend dates would be okay at 15 but definitely not younger.

 

[seoj]

We've always set very clear boundaries and expectations with our oldest when it comes to boys/dating. At 13, she was only allowed to have an "at school b/f"- meaning they were not allowed to hang out together outside of school. She knew the rules and respected them- and as she grew, we allowed more range... as a freshman she was allowed to go to school events like dances with boys- then group dating her sophmore year- then single dates her Jr. year... she's 17 now, and going to be a senior. She too is on the younger side and will turn 18 right after she graduates High School.

For her though- she always needed very clear limits cause she's boy crazy! Likes a new boy often- and never gotten serious with anyone she "dated" and the longest relationship was maybe 3mos? She's very open with us- and visa versa. We will be similar with our youngest (when she get's there YEARS down the road haha)- but obviously kids vary, so we will also do what makes sense for her as an individual. But still we will set clear limits/rules.

I think you know your daughter best and what is right for her as she grows

Our oldest has always had guy friends as well- and some of her best friends are boys. But, I will say- they almost always (like 90%) end up being her "friend" cause they really like her but don't want to tell her. So sometimes they don't last as a friend cause it get's weird for her. But other times they do. Guess that is just how it works in the pre-teen/teen world of interpersonal relationships!

 

[JASMAK]

Hh... my stupid phone! My previous post is basically unreadable