Its exactly a week ago that we found out our baby had no hb. At 2pm today it will be a week since the lady had the camera on my belly searching for our babys hb. Jacob was born and he was perfect, i cant get the image of his perfecf little fingers, toes andcheeks out of my head. I feel furious at myself I dont know if this could have been avoided, maybe if id been started on some bp medication he might still be here, if i had rested more be might be here, if id demanded i was sent to the maternity day unkt he might be here.alls i know is my body has failed him in some way because he was perfect. I cant see the point in carrying on my family keep saying this wont happen twice but if ive failed one beautiful baby ill fail another and its not fair. I cant imagine never giving my partner baby and it destroys me that he seems to be coping fine and im just a wreck. I cant imagine feeling like this guilty failure forever.im sat here a week on with an empty flat stomach and no baby my boobs are hard with milk but i cant feed my baby. I just want him back i want to beback in that world of being extatic looking forward to june when our lives would have been completed 
