Our baby name has been ruined...

[skc22]

Baby girl named help! We had our name picked out and were adamant we were keeping it a secret. Unfortunately my mum went behind our back and made my 5 year old tell her, then proceeded to announce it at my baby shower on the weekend, that SHE has decided we should name the baby Abigail Kate. Then I had to listen to everyone's opinion on it which is another reason why we didn't announce. Now neither of us feel like we can use it. I know it shouldn't matter, but it really does and pregnancy hormones are probably not helping! She has announced every conception, name and birth of our daughter before we had the chance, so I'm pretty devastated about this. Our daughter knew it was a secret, and was so upset she told her. It took a lot of reassuring that she had done nothing wrong. I told mum that she wasn't to ask her for names as we had involved her in the decision and I didn't want her to be put in that situation, so I'm particularly angry about that. No other name feels right and it took ages to agree on that one. My partner now wants Gabriella Kate but I'm not so keen. I like names like Charlotte, Thea, Matilda, Mia but some are too popular, don't go with Kate, or don't go with my daughter's name Alexia. Any more suggestions? It took about 5 months to come up with a name that we both loved so I just don't see us agreeing readily on another.

 

[JT2013]

I love Eliza and Matilda, I would have had to choose between those had this one been a girl. So sorry your Mum did that to you (and your DD!) I would be furious too!

 

[ikaria]

I'm so sorry this happened to you

Is the middle name Kate set in stone?

Of the names you suggested, Charlotte Kate sounds great to me. Matilda Kate sounds good too. I agree that Thea and Mia (although lovely names), don't really go with the name Kate...

Names that I like and think go well with the middle name Kate, and with your daughter's name Alexia:

Isobel
Eloise
Amelia
Audrey
Evelyn
Alicia
Gwendolyn
Annabelle
Scarlett
Brianna
Cecilia
Florence

 

[skc22]

Yes definitely using Kate. It's my middle name, both daughters have my partners surname and my daughter has my mils name as her middle name. I want something of me in there somewhere
I love Eliza, Matilda, Evelyn, Audrey, and Amelia!
All my friends have daughters so it's hard finding one that no one else has used too! My partner refuses to discuss any other names now which isn't helping. Now says Gabriel not Gabriella, doesn't care it's a male name. This is going to be hard to convince him

 

[ikaria]

What about Ella? It's a shorter/different version of Gabriella, and goes well with the middle name Kate.

 

[LoraLoo]

I love Abigail and would still use it! Other suggestions

Alice
Ellen
Elizabeth
Elodie
Annabel
Victoria
Ivy
Isla

Xx

 

[confused87com]

I'd still use your original name. Its hard now but I'm sure once she is here out won't matter who had what opinion. Its only yours that counts

 

[second.time]

First of all, I'm so sorry your mother took that liberty. It sounds like she has some serious boundary issues and I know how difficult and hurtful that must be.

I agree that you might want to keep Abigail Kate on the table? It's a lovely name and it's clearly one that means a lot to you, your husband, and your daughter. I know that your mother has given it negative connotation, but that doesn't change all the love that went into choosing it. And with time you could easily forget that your mother ever did something so thoughtless, while the name Abigail Kate will always be special and beautiful. But I understand if that's just not a possibility anymore.

I like so many of your other choices. Eliza Kate sounds so cute. Matilda Kate is also a sweet choice.

 

[staralfur]

I also wouldn't rule out the original name yet. The disappointment about your mom revealing the name is still fresh and after a few more weeks you might not be dwelling on it as much. If it was the name you loved then it would be a shame to give it up, and you might regret letting this get in the way down the line. I do completely understand why you're upset though, I'm sorry that your mom has been careless.

I think Gabrielle/Gabriella is pretty but I'm not big on Gabby as a nickname, especially if you were going for Abby as a nickname for Abigail. It seems like you'd be settling for something similar but not quite what you wanted.

Anyway, some suggestions that I think go with Kate and with your daughter's name:

Emilia
Isobel
Sophia
Olivia
Penelope
Imogen
Ophelia

I also love Thea though agree it doesn't really go with Kate, you could go with a more formal name and use Thea as a nickname, like Althea or Theodora?

 

[LoveCakes]

Tell your mom you changed the name to something she'll hate and then announce your original name at the birth.

 

[ikaria]

Tell your mom you changed the name to something she'll hate and then announce your original name at the birth.

Haha, that's mean! I would totally do it!

 

[Amygdala]

She weaselled it out of your young daughter and then announced that she decided on the name?? Holy crap! I'm with you, there's no way I would still use that name. Not only because it'd be tainted for me but also to teach her a lesson that she can't do these things and get away with it. I would probably also have a lot less contact with her after that, if it was me. That's so disrespectful of you and of your daughter as well.

Anyway, there are other beautiful names. My obsolete favourite at the moment is Caterina/Katherina with the nickname Kate (kah-tee). So very cute but still a great formal name for a grown woman. And it'd be incorporating your middle name into her first name but still give her her own unique name. How perfect!

Hope you'll find something that you love just as much (or more!) anyway and that this whole episode will soon be just a distant memory.

 

[Wish85]

I would still use Abigail Kate. You have every right to be upset. What your mum did was completely rude & inappropriate, however due to the fact your lil family came up with the name & it took such a long time, I would hate for you to feel regret after the birth when all the pregnancy hormones are gone & you've had time to process the situation. I wouldn't want you to look back sometime after and say 'we should have just used the name we loved the best anyway'

 

[KatO79]

Yep your mother definitely has boundary issues and it sounds like it's a pattern with her given what you've told us. My toxic mother is the same way and I highly suspect she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I think you should start setting better boundaries for your mother and not let her do things like that. If she also has NPD, she'll probably react negatively but you still need to do it. It sounds like she wants to take credit for everything and make herself the center of attention, also making me think she's a possible NPD case.

Anyway as for the name, I'd probably change it as well given how your mother is (so she learns she can't get away with crap like that!) and seriously consider not telling your daughter what it's been changed to - a sad but necessary precaution. If your heart's really set on this name, you could also perhaps keep Abigail Kate but add another name as the actual 1st name? My (2½ month old) son will/does have 2 middle names (my deceased father's name and my DH's family middle name) but I know some may find it a bit much with 2 middle names

 

[Fascination]

I would tell your mother that due to her announcement, you've now been forced to opt for your second favourite name, and choose something you know would thoroughly disappoint her. Maintain that name up until the birth, when hopefully you'll feel you're still able to use Abigail Kate. Harsh words would be had over the entire situation, if I were you, especially over the nasty trick she played on your daughter. What an awful thing to do to a child! X

 

[Starlight32]

Don't write off the original unless you really don't feel it's right for baby girl anymore. I know others have said not using it will teach her a lesson but als not using it will make her realize how much contorl she has on your decision!

 

[pippi_89]

Omg I'd be furious! We had similar names on our lists.

Isabella (Izzy)
Amelia (Mia)
Eleanor (Ella)
Emily
Harriet
Alice
Florence
Charlotte
Elizabeth

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

What a cruel thing for your mother to do to your daughter and to you sounds like something my mother would do luckily for me though I have nothing to do with my mother, I'm so sorry this happened to you and your daughter and I hope your daughter is OK poor thing must be feeling guilty when she has nothing to feel guilty for, how heartless I'm the same as you I wouldn't be able to use the name after something like that, she will forever say she picked the name and that would just anger me if I were you, I hope you find another name you truly love but if I were you I would keep it between you and your partner, I never tell my kids the names I pick because it's just too easy for them to repeat it on, good luck Hun finding the perfect name x

 

[JumpingIn]

Oh I feel for you. My mother did the same thing and also announced his birth all over fb before we'd told anyone and declared him entirely healthy even though he'd been rushed to SCBU We barely have contact now because that was just part of a persistent pattern of behaviour with her.

Anyway I totally agree, tell her you're using a name she dislikes. Maintain pretence until birth. Name your baby the name you love.