PAL : I'm so paranoid... help?

[Eloquence]

Hello ladies,

I guess I'm in the right forum for this post. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for. Maybe kind words? Maybe support or encouragement or just to share stories with others who are PAL.

I had a miscarriage a little over a year ago. It was physically as brutal as it was emotionally and mentally. It left horrible scarring on my uterus. My doctor gave me very low chances to conceive again, and if I did conceive, even lower chances to carry to full term.
I'm 16 weeks pregnant, and I'm freaking out.
My pregnancy has been listed very high risk, and I'm terrified that I'm going to go through the same thing that I went through last time. Not only did I lose my baby, but I lost hope of having children after that. Is anyone else's pregnancy high risk? Are you scared to do anything? I'm terrified of running or even being on my feet for too long. I'm not quite sure where to turn to anymore, so I guess that's why I ended up here.
My midwife & the ultrasound clinics all tell me that everything is okay with my LO, but I can't help but have that "what if!?!?!?" in the back of my mind!
I try to keep positive, not just for my LO but for my OH too. I don't want him to be more paranoid than he already is.

Sigh.

What about you guys?

 

[Charlee]

Hi,
Didn't want to read and run, my miscarriage wasn't as serious as yours, in the sense of permanent scarring etc but I know your worries.
I had a MC at 11 weeks in July 2011 (first pregnancy) and not only was it physically painful, it hit me hard (was 19 at the time), I was so scared I couldn't carry a baby to full term and when I fell pregnant again, I planned what I would do WHEN something went wrong not IF.
Despite the fact I feel kicks, have had 5 scans etc I still go to the toilet to check the tissue. It never really goes away but I do know you should talk to a professional if it's really getting you do. You don't need someone telling you "every pregnancy is different" because even though it is, I know the worry is awful
Here if you need to talk x

 

[Eloquence]

Thanks a bunch...

I have a therapist, and I've been seeing him for 6 years, so he's no stranger to me. He's done what he can to try and help me through this but sometimes it just seems so impossible that I would be able to carry to term. I mean, if my chances were so low (as was told to me by my doctors) then what hope could I possibly have, you know?

I feel frequent fluttering, but I still can't help but await the day when the fluttering stops.

 

[ssjad]

Hi there. I also have a high risk pregnancy after a miscarriage. I don't know if the paranoia will ever go away. I'm just trying to take each day as it comes, and I've noticed this time I'm not as attached to bubby, and I'm not making plans like I did last time.

Good luck!!

 

[Eloquence]

I notice the same thing, too. Last pregnancy I would talk to my LO a lot, even when they couldn't hear me yet. Now it just feels wrong to do that.

Good luck to you too! xx

 

[Dianamite]

Hi,

I totally relate to feeling scared after past losses.

Even though this pregnancy looks great so far, and I feel cautiously happy and positive, I'm still nervous. I think the fear is natural. I try to focus on other positive things, like my own health, updating our garden, taking care of my cats, spending some time with my husband.

I'm 17 1/2 weeks, after 8 past miscarriages! (It turned out I had fibromyalgia, and my body was out-of-balance and weak. After several months of treatment (guaifenesin), my hormones, body temps, digestion, and brain chemistry were in decent balance for the first time in my life.)

I have a 2nd trimester screening on 5/21 - really hoping the baby is anatomically healthy! Maybe I'll feel more confident after that...at least, that's what I keep thinking...

Diana, 39

 

[Preggies]

I had a miscarriage this year at 17 weeks for unknown reasons while taking antidepressants. I have been on them for almost 3 years and I had a perfect baby while taking even more meds than the ones I was on for the loss. The doctor said that she didn't think it was the meds at all..But I am pregnant again and I have to take the stupid meds every day. It is constant guilt and fear that I am killing my baby and that I killed the last one. Everything looks good so far, but the worrying is still awful. But I know that just because something happened before doesn't mean it will happen again. Most of the time, there seems to be no real cause and affect to anything, it's just unknown and probably up to God. I am scared to move around too or eat the wrong foods, ive been in the ER twice thinking my baby was dead. All this worry means nothing. High risk means nothing. Look at these crack addicts that somehow have babies that survive. I think your baby will be fine. Just do everything you can to be careful and leave it up to God. I'll be praying for your baby too.

 

[Preggies]

Oh man I have paranoid days still yet though. Today is a bad one for it =( If there is any change whatsoever I freak out and think the baby is dead.