Parents of dating teenagers

[scoobydrlp]

Do you let your teenager and their BF or GF "hang out" together in their bedroom?

 

[Boomerslady]

I obviously don't have a teenager, but when Bens older ill allow it, perhaps at 14/15 but only with his door open, or ajar at least!!

I grew up with a very strict mum. No boys were allowed through the front door, and consequently she only met FOB once and doesn't know him. He's the first and last partner I want her to meet, it's just too awkward! So I don't want it being like that as Ben grows up.

 

[seoj]

Nope! And she's going to be 17 in June!!! But, to be fair, she's never really had a "long term" b/f before. I think the longest was 3mos? Most were maybe a few weeks... She does have a b/f now though- just dating since Prom- so about a month. Maybe, if they stick it out longer and we get to know him better etc... It's one thing for them to hang out in the TV room (which is upstairs and out of sight as it is)- but in her room, where there is no TV or really anything to do and a bed... ???

TBH- the stories she tells me about her friends really freak me out! Even though she is much more mature than they are- and actually responsible and talks to us. She even checks in (sometimes more than she has to- and I remind her we do trust her lol).

I know there are many changes to come- as she graduates High School next year, goes to college and such... it's HARD letting go!!!! I never knew HOW hard as a kid- but being the parent now, it kills me sometimes. I know it's all part of growing up though. And I never want to be over bearing- I want an open and honest relationship with both my girls.

Crazy part- my parents actually let my b/f stay over (in my room) when I was a Senior in high school- I was 18 though. Eek.

 

[Boomerslady]

I just wanted to add if I had a girl, I think I'd be more strict about it!!

I'd obviously want them to be in a long term relationship and I'd expect to know her quite well too.

 

[Abigailly]

I don't know. Obviously I don't have a teenager, however, growing up I had the same boyfriend from the age of 14-17. He always came round and my mum always made a real effort with him, even though my whole family (except me) knew he was a real tosser. He was also 3 years older than me

But, because she didn't want to push me away she let us hang in my bedroom, and it's why she put a TV in there so there was a distraction. She also, from the beginning, didn't put any rules on me. Door ajar etc. But she always 'checked in'. Asked what we wanted for dinner, came in to chat about work, asked him about her car etc. At the time I remember thinking she was really cool making such an effort with us, but I was always too scared to ever DTD in the house as I thought she might just 'pop in' for a chat. Turns out that was the sneaky cow's plan from the start.

I think that's what I hope to be like with N.

 

[cookette]

I used to think that it'd be okay if they left their door open...

...and then hubby told me he had more BD'ing on his girlfriends couch under a blanket with her mom right there in the same room than anywhere else when he was 15.

 

[scoobydrlp]

I used to think that it'd be okay if they left their door open...

...and then hubby told me he had more BD'ing on his girlfriends couch under a blanket with her mom right there in the same room than anywhere else when he was 15.

Oh god, that's horrible!! Blah!!

 

[lhancock90]

My Mums house had two front rooms? Sort of, so me & OH were in one and her and my stepdad in the other.
That said, we still found ways to have sex etc and his mom wasn't as strict, so from 15+ i think i would, provided i felt that if they were sexually active, they were going to be safe.

 

[lovelylaura]

From around 15/16 i would, yes.

 

[Beckettshades]

Obv I have no teenager- but I think I'd rather have an open and honest discussion with my teen about responsibly and contraception and allow them to be in the room.
I'm guessing from my own experience as a teen, if they really want to dtd- they're gonna do it anyway. I'd rather it was in a safe environment, with my teen being aware of contraception etc than in a park somewhere or the back of the car etc x

 

[RachA]

I don't have teens yet so i really don't know how i would be but we have just had an extra room built on downstairs to give us the extra space when they are older to be in a different room but not in the bedrooms. I only ever had boyfriends in my room once i was well over 18 and then we didn't get up to much because i respected my parents rules. However when i was pre 18/19 and we were at my boyfriends houses then we got up to more because the bedroom was pretty much the only place we could go unless we wanted to spend the evening with his parents!!!
I would hope that whatever the age of my children that we'd be able to have an open discussion about it and they would respect our house rules.

 

[Noodlebear]

I don't have a teenager but when I was 15 my boyfriend used to stay over but my sister's boyfriend didn't. I don't think you can make a blanket rule as it totally depends on what they're like. It's pretty naive to think that they won't find somewhere else to do what they want so I doubt I'll be terribly strict about it.

 

[lozzy21]

Not there yet but yes I will. As some one who used to be a teenager you don't need a bed to have sex!

 

[mummyof3babas]

not at that point yet but i will allow girlfriends over age 15+ and id be checking in, tbh teens will find ways to do there thing indoors are outdoors

 

[greenbeans12]

I don't have a teenager but I wouldn't allow it. They can hang out all they want in the living room, kitchen, patio, etc.But I wwill be watching like a hawk. 😁

 

[pinkribbon]

Yes I think I would, I remember myself as a teenager and I'd rather everything was open and honest, they'd only go and find somewhere else to do it.

 

[weebubba]

I allow my teens to have girlfriends in their bedrooms but only when I'm home and they are not allowed overnight stays unless it becomes a reasonably serious relationship (this hasn't happened yet). The girlfriends they have had so far have had parents with similar views so it's not been an issue. I also have younger children to consider and don't think it appropriate to allow too many "shenanigans". I'm very open with my kids and feel it works to my advantage as they are open with me and don't keep too many secrets from me .