Partner doesn't understand!!

[Shadylady14]

Hi there my baby is 5 wks ok now was born at 25 wks me and my partner have done nothing but argue the whole time since she was born I want to spend all my time at the nicu an he just wants to spend and hr or 2 there soon as we leave the hospital late at night hr wants to go round families homes to socialise he doesn't seem to get that after bein at hospital all day and we have other kids all I wanna do is av a bath a cuppa c the kids spend time with him and go to sleep.also he doesn't seem to get that it's an emotional time with me n that I'm a bit snappy and anxious he has said I dnt have fun n don't smile bt I don't feel like goin out havin fun n smilin he doesn't seem affected by this at all where as I have moments where I cry for no reason just cus I miss my baby last nigt he wanted to go to the pub for a friends bday party and when I said u take the kids and I'll go the hospital he went mad. Saying I was bein selfish and how do I expect him to b able to get drunk n av fun with the kids I need to chat to sum1 who who understands how tired emotional and anxious I am.

 

[Sam182]

Its a very tough time being in NICU and it puts a strain on your relationship. Your partner needs to be more understanding of you. My DH was similar and I just had to give him some time out to go to the pub and let off some steam. Not to be sexist but I just think we women are better at coping and feel the need to be with our babies 24/7. I hope it gets better for you soon x

 

[Shadylady14]

Hi yes I think ur right bout us needin to be with our babies 24/7 But his putting alot of pressure on me to socialize n wants me to b all smiley n cheerful like nuffings happened etc I have a 11 nth old and a 2yr old neither of em sleep so I'm constantly tired men!! Lol Just need to talk to other mums in same boat

 

[laura077]

I understand exactly how you feel. I couldn't drive myself to the hospital until last week, and while I had people willing to drive me their first question is always how much time do you want to spend at the hospital. Um, what kind of question is that? I'm the mommy you can't put a time clock on that. I seem to be the only person that can stand being there for more than 1-2 hours at a time. It's very frustrating.

 

[MummyIwanabe]

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time, it's such a scary journey and you really need support. Is there anyone that can go with you - maybe a family member who is happy to support you at the hospital and be with you as long as you want to be there? I think in our scbu grandparents could come anytime as long as they were with the parents. I don't blame you for not wanting to go out socialising and smiling, you must act how you feel and not pretend to be something you're not so you're doing the right thing just being you.

 

[Shadylady14]

Hi thanks r replies Laura I knw exactly wot ur sayin bout bein the only 1 to b able to b there so long my baby gt moved to another hospital yday and when me and my partner got there we was thee for bout 10!mind b4 he went outside cus he was hot then he come in n went back out for another 10 mins n he cldnt understand why I was angry n Lully faces and he shouts n gets angry sayin I'm the 1 in the wrong we was there an hr n then we had to leave our little girl is a bit poorly has picked up an infection soni want to b by her side at all times he hasn't once sat down n asked how I'm feelin or tried to make a fuss of me or anything I even fainted the other day thru pure stress and when I asked him if he was ok as he seems to b a bit snappy he had a right go at me n we ended up in a massive row havin a very emotional day today

 

[MummyIwanabe]

I would see if someone can look after your other 2 while you spend as much time as you want at hospital. That's where you want to be and your baby needs you skin to skin etc. hope things improve x

 

[Sophiesmommie]

I completely understand! Sophie is going to the hospital again on tuesday for her heart surgery and my dh doesn't understand why I want to be with her all the time. It took my forever to break him down enough to say I could stay with her. Men have there own way of dealing with things. When my husband found out she had to have surgery he went out the garage to "work on his bike" I found him out there crying. I am sure your husband is just dealing with things in his own way. Like MummyIwanabe said find a sitter so your partner can go do what he wants to do and you can go to the hospital.

 

[Shadylady14]

There isn't a sitter only his mum and she has the kids in the day when his at work soni CBS go the Hosp and she cnt have em every day and I don't think he is dealin with it in his own way r just don't realize what can go wrong n takes her good days for granted and would rather just go pub get dru k round a mates even today he told me his sick of me cryin and bein stressed "what's ur problem" he said and we dnt love together we live
Apart have a long distance Rship so nt like he sees me all the time and wen he does see me i wld like him to b at the hospital with me instead of us always goin seperately n the when I ent at the Hosp I'd like for me him n the other kids to b together

 

[angelina2]

I was as frustrated with my partner when our little boy was born 7 weeks early. I could not understand that he would not rush to hospital as soon as he had finished work or that he could spend a couple of days without seeing him because he was doing some DIY! I was behind the wheel the day after I got out of hospital even though I had had a c-section as there was no way me seeing my baby would depend on anyone else. And my best friend explained that it is a man thing...Although they are happy to be dads and they love their babies to bits, they find babies "boring" (her partner's words). So as long as they know that they are well cared for and there is nothing that they can physically do, they are just happy to wait and resume their life... (My partner came more regularly once he had started to give Kangaroo care!)