party etiquette

[catty]

At the moment between playgroup and nursery my children are getting invites to birthday parties almost every week, they have around 2-3 per month.
So far every one of these parties have been in the local community centre. This question is based totally on these types of hall parties with bouncy castle etc not small house parties or softplay.

Anyway, i have a 3.5,2.5 and 10 week old. Am i ok to bring them all to these parties? I dont mind if one of them didnt get a gift bag and id maybe just make a little one from a previous party (they will never know)
If it was a rare party here and there id easily just bring the invited child but as its becoming so common it really eats into our family time at the weekend and sometimes right in the middle of the day. I also feel bad when one has to stay home.
I know the easiest thing to do would be to ask the parent but alot of these parents iv never even met and feel bit awkward asking if siblings can tag along.

So general rule for it. What would you do?

 

[CaptainMummy]

I have always brought them all, but I always check it's okay beforehand. I would never just turn up and assume it was okay. I just ask in the nursery/school playground or send a text to the rsvp number (if I don't usually see them at the school) if it's okay to bring the other two along and every single time the parent has said 'of course, no problem at all' in fact, alot of the time they approach me and tell me to bring them all before I have the chance to ask.

 

[Eleanor ace]

A couple of times I've needed to take DD1 to a party DS was invited to (I don't worry about taking DD2 because she's only little and I just wear her in a carrier so she's not adding to the head count) and I've always checked with the host; there's always an phone number to RSVP to on the invites we get so I've been able to text and ask. I wouldn't just take them as I'd worry they'd be bothered.

 

[broodymrs]

I'd text to ask. My son's party was at a local hall so it made no odds if siblings came so I'd imagine it would be fine but still polite to check. I think everyone who brought a sibling asked us.

 

[StillPraying]

I always text the RSVP to ask. I had several parents text and ask me for dds bday party

 

[AnneD]

I'd text ahead and ask. Personally, I always count siblings in when organising a kiddie party. If I know the parents, I make a point of saying that any siblings are very welcome to come along. I count them in when making party bags and food and all that. I know I'd find it difficult to just take one child if I had more.

 

[catty]

Perfect thank you! I hadnt even thought to txt that will ne much easier than doing it face to face!
Im assuming a simple - is it ok if i bring olderbrother/younger sister to the party, if not its no problem!' Type msg would be fine?
The only reason i feel cheeky doing that is they could easily stay home with there dad but i find it easier when he comes to these things and he doesnt get a heap of time with the kids.
I overthink things alot!

 

[d_b]

3 parties a month! I'd be turning some invites down lol

 

[catty]

3 parties a month! I'd be turning some invites down lol

I know we will have to, its only been since Jan but some of the invites are until the end of March. I think by the looks of it the kids are inviting the whole nursery class (there is 40 kids) and my daughters playgroup has 15 kids combined with kids we know outside of nursery. Hopefully it will calm down a bit soon.

 

[Natasha2605]

I agree that it should be okay but text ahead to ask when you are rsvp ing

Parties are such a minefield aren't they!

 

[Bevziibubble]

I ask when I rsvp whether I can bring James too and it's never been a problem. He plays on the soft play/ bouncy castle etc but doesn't have any food as it's usually just set seating for those who have been invited.

 

[SucreK]

I think it depends on the venue. My friend reserved a pay-per-child place for her son, and people had the gall to ask if they could bring siblings (but didn't offer to pay for their additional kids). BUT if it's a big hall, and the family is just renting it out and doing pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, etc., then I don't see why you can't text and ask. I wouldn't do it over the phone or in person, because that puts the person on the spot. Ask via text, and they can craft the answer they want.

 

[kirstybumx3]

At Rio's party last year some nursery parents text to ask if it was ok to bring a sibling if they paid for their place. Obviously I said it was fine and no need to pay for the extra head as our hire was for the full venue. You could say something like that and offer to pay for the extra head. X

 

[MindUtopia]

For a baby, I would say it's no big deal, but for older children, who would be expecting to sit down and eat, I would ask. Most people are probably fine with it, but if they are paying per head or providing a lunch for everyone, then to suddenly have 10 extra siblings show up and they don't have enough lunches or then get charged extra by the venue, then I'd be pretty annoyed. For a baby you'll be carrying around and won't be eating or playing, I think it's fine. But for older kids, yes, the appropriate thing to do is ask. We did invite siblings to my daughter's birthday, but she knows them anyway. One other little girl from her nursery came with her baby sister (who is 5 months) but she mostly just slept in the pram in the corner. But I think it's rude to show up with older kids uninvited without asking. You surely have to rsvp somehow, so just ask. If you aren't comfortable with that, I would then just politely decline for those when you can't work out some other arrangement.

 

[SarahBear]

That's crazy! Do your kids even really know or play with the kids whose parties they're going to? I'm not a fan of this trend to big parties. For Violet's birthday, we invited over 7 kids and 5 showed up, one of whom was an uninvited (but welcome) sibling. I'd say pick and choose which parties to go to and bring along all the kids if it's a huge party and not just a small house party.

 

[catty]

We havent had anymore invites so i think it just seemed to be a very busy month of birthdays.
I txt the mum and she was really nice and said no problem at all. When i got there i felt really bad as realised she had paid entertainement on (i think it is per head) the kids loved it but i thanked the mum and apologised as hadnt realised. She totally didnt mind but i still felt bad as i was under the impression that it would just be a normal hall party. So we have one in March and no more so far, il probably just stick to taking the invited child or leaving ones that wont work for us. Thanks for the help!

 

[SarahBear]

Oh, if it's a pay-per-child thing, that's different. I do know one family who has done things in a pay-per-person type location, but knowing the family, I know they just expect everyone. If you don't know the family and it's pay-per-person, I'd check first or be prepared to pay.

 

[catty]

Oh no it was just the community centre hall. All the ones iv gone to there just have a buffet and bouncy castle with a few little toys out.
This one was at the community centre too but when i got there she had a woman there who played games with the kids and i think that would likely have been based on the amount of kids so i felt bad but obviously had no idea, only about half the playgroup kids were there so she definately didnt have to pay extra but i still felt bad.
I think il just take the invited child from now on as saves having to ask etc

 

[k4th]

I don't take (or ask to take) ds to "closed" parties. So someone's house or a hired hall where I don't know the planned activities/cost etc. However - if it was at soft play or another "open to the public" venue I'd tell the mum I was going to pay entry to bring ds along. There's the option of buying food in these venues so I also wouldn't expect him to be offered party food.

I did take him to "closed" parties when he wasn't mobile but would ask just to be polite.

TBH - I prefer the "closed" venues. I can have a quiet cup of tea & a chat whilst something else entertains dd & I don't have to run around after ds