People Are So Rude When I Tell Them I Enjoy Being a SAHM

[Wobbles]

I'm a full time SAHM and have been for years. It annoys me no end that I'm supposed to be miserable about that. Being a SAHM is actually pretty rad indeed.

Click HERE!

 

[george83]

I'm totally jealous that you're a sahm - i would love to be! I honestly think times need to change so that every family has the opportunity for one parent to be able to stay at home if they want to

 

[loeylo]

Being a SAHM isn't really an option for us, what does annoy me is that often SAHM's have an attitude which implies that they are somehow better parents because they spend more time with their children (for example, calling themselves "full time mums" - do I quit being a mum during the day when I'm at work? All mums are full time mums!)

Parents (regardless of gender) should do what works best for their families. I hate that it is assumed that a woman should give up her career (and therefore part of her identity) to start a family, whereas a man can continue his life as usual.

I'm all for women choosing to stay at home (providing they don't expect the government to pay them to do so) BUT I also think that equal maternity benefits should be offered to dads, should that be what works for the family. Similarly, support should be offered to help mums return to work if they choose to go down that route.

 

[happynewmom1]

Being a SAHM isn't really an option for us, what does annoy me is that often SAHM's have an attitude which implies that they are somehow better parents because they spend more time with their children (for example, calling themselves "full time mums" - do I quit being a mum during the day when I'm at work? All mums are full time mums!)

Parents (regardless of gender) should do what works best for their families. I hate that it is assumed that a woman should give up her career (and therefore part of her identity) to start a family, whereas a man can continue his life as usual.

I'm all for women choosing to stay at home (providing they don't expect the government to pay them to do so) BUT I also think that equal maternity benefits should be offered to dads, should that be what works for the family. Similarly, support should be offered to help mums return to work if they choose to go down that route.

You seem to be stuck on sahm's being the only ones with that kind of mentality. Thing is it goes both ways. Working moms have quite the uppity attitude as well as if they do more are more important to the society since they also work outside the home. Of course you are always a mom but you don't watch her full time which is all that is implied by that. If you say you have a full or part time job outside of the home, what are you implying? How much you work outside the home and that is all that's meant by that. Yes.. My job is being at home with the kids and raising them to be responsible and caring people to go out into the world. I do not go to a paying job so of course I say I'm a full time mom. It's what i am. I wouldn't go and say that makes me a part time wife because my husband goes to work and I don't see him all hours but I absolutely don't see him full time.

It's ridiculous really. All moms should just accept each other for who they are and how they choose to so things in their family. It's totally fine for you to work.. And it's fine for me to stay home but if you don't want an attitude from moms who stay at home, then don't give an attitude to them. Respect goes both ways.

 

[catty]

Some people may write they are a full time mum because they think well what else am i? If there not working they are at home full time.
I am sure there not doing it to piss working mothers off but more to give them a reason with what they do in their day.
Iv had many people say to me, 'Id love to be a SAHM what do you do all day' and i either want to punch them in the face or laugh at them!
Its not a bloody holiday. Your always writing about this Loeylo and i often wonder that maybe the people you come across are just assholes and not the norm

 

[ClaireS74]

If you can and you want to, why not?

 

[loeylo]

Being a SAHM isn't really an option for us, what does annoy me is that often SAHM's have an attitude which implies that they are somehow better parents because they spend more time with their children (for example, calling themselves "full time mums" - do I quit being a mum during the day when I'm at work? All mums are full time mums!)

Parents (regardless of gender) should do what works best for their families. I hate that it is assumed that a woman should give up her career (and therefore part of her identity) to start a family, whereas a man can continue his life as usual.

I'm all for women choosing to stay at home (providing they don't expect the government to pay them to do so) BUT I also think that equal maternity benefits should be offered to dads, should that be what works for the family. Similarly, support should be offered to help mums return to work if they choose to go down that route.

You seem to be stuck on sahm's being the only ones with that kind of mentality. Thing is it goes both ways. Working moms have quite the uppity attitude as well as if they do more are more important to the society since they also work outside the home. Of course you are always a mom but you don't watch her full time which is all that is implied by that. If you say you have a full or part time job outside of the home, what are you implying? How much you work outside the home and that is all that's meant by that. Yes.. My job is being at home with the kids and raising them to be responsible and caring people to go out into the world. I do not go to a paying job so of course I say I'm a full time mom. It's what i am. I wouldn't go and say that makes me a part time wife because my husband goes to work and I don't see him all hours but I absolutely don't see him full time.

It's ridiculous really. All moms should just accept each other for who they are and how they choose to so things in their family. It's totally fine for you to work.. And it's fine for me to stay home but if you don't want an attitude from moms who stay at home, then don't give an attitude to them. Respect goes both ways.

I might not "watch" her full time, but I still need to do all the same duties as a stay-at-home mum, but compressed into less hours. My partner and I (we both work so parenting is split 50/50) so we need to get her bathed, dressed, fed and out the door by 7:30 every morning, plus do all the same cooking and cleaning and playing and teaching her that SAHMs do, but compressed into evenings rather than having all day to do it. I'm still a full time mum. I'm also a full time worker. Yes, you are a full time mum, but so are we all.

I'm not giving any sort of attitude. I'm happy being a working mum, I have strong reasons why I do it and it isn't just financial (I want my daughter to know that you can be whatever you want to be and you don't need to choose between family and career if you don't want to) - everyone is entitled to have their own opinion and everyone does what they feel is best for their family.

For my family, two working parents is best. For others, one working is best. It isn't anyone else's place to judge as long as the kid is looked after and fed.

 

[loeylo]

Some people may write they are a full time mum because they think well what else am i? If there not working they are at home full time.
I am sure there not doing it to piss working mothers off but more to give them a reason with what they do in their day.
Iv had many people say to me, 'Id love to be a SAHM what do you do all day' and i either want to punch them in the face or laugh at them!
Its not a bloody holiday. Your always writing about this Loeylo and i often wonder that maybe the people you come across are just assholes and not the norm

I just feel passionate about it, from a feminist point of view. Personally I term it a SAHM rather than a full time mum. I understand why people use it, but it annoys me (similar to SAHMs being annoyed by people asking what they do all day I guess) - personally when I was on maternity leave I struggled to fill my day but I do only have the one kid so I understand that having more kids might be different! I also don't have many mum friends who don't work so all my friends were at work while I was at home.

 

[Gypsy99]

It's hard either way and talking about myself I've felt guilty from every angle.

The stay at home mum part for me was important and I was lucky to do it for a year with my first. I had to go back to work part time because useless ex-husband decided he didn't need to work to support his family. I felt guilty because I didn't feel like I contributed enough.
Then with my son I was a single mum for 6 months and it was horribly stressful. I bit the bullet and worked part time and then full time and hated that I was leaving them.

My point is we do what we have to do. Every parent has the reasons for what they are doing. The value of spending time with your children at a young age. Some people are lucky to do that but some people are lucky to be able to work if they need the break from parenthood.

I need adult interaction, but at the same time I hate that I missed my children grow up. Just make the time when you are around them to make memories.

 

[catty]

Yes i agree that one child is completely different to multiple children. Im not trying to cause a debate but how can you do the same as a sahm when your at work during the day?
Im saying this as a working mother btw im just on maternity leave at the moment.

 

[loeylo]

Yes i agree that one child is completely different to multiple children. Im not trying to cause a debate but how can you do the same as a sahm when your at work during the day?
Im saying this as a working mother btw im just on maternity leave at the moment.

Nothing wrong with healthy friendly debate 🙂

Well, I still need to get my kid up, dressed, bags packed, fed etc before I go to work. Then our families spend the day with her doing the "fun" side of looking after her (playing with her etc) and then feed her food I have prepared (she has allergies so I send food over)
After work I still need to do all the things that SAHMs do - cook dinner, clean the house, take her to the park or swimming or soft play, pack her bags, bath her, read to her and so on.

I didn't work until she was 8 months old and then was part time until she was 11 months. I found life a million times easier before I was at work. I get really generous holidays so I still do spend more time with her than many working mums, which does allow me maybe a better work life balance than other working parents. Part of the reason I work full time is to allow my partner to purchase additional holidays through his work so we get a lot of time together as a family. As I said, it's about finding out what sacrifices you are willing to make to get a balance which works for your family.

 

[catty]

I say this from a jealous point of view tbi as i want to work soon but i just cant get childcare to fit. Id love to work 2 full days at work and the rest off but when i go back to work its 5 evenings so still with the kids allday then off to work for 5pm
I do think that when i had one child it was very different (especially when there was such a thing as naps) but now i am literally on the go all day. The mess they create is just unbelievable so i try and be out of the house majority of the day.
Anyway i do enjoy it which i guess is what the thread is about but i am envious as i want to be able to work i just cant get childcare that would even remotely suit.

 

[.Mrs.B.]

Me and my husband have taken it in turns, we've each been the working parent and the stay at home parent. I worked for a year while my husband was off with the kids. I worked in an easy job close to home and I loved it. However I feel like I missed out on so much in that year I would never go back to work now. My daughter will reach nursery age come September and I've searched around to find one that will let her do just one day a week. I just hope the kids are enjoying their time with me as much as I am with them.

Also, in response to an earlier comment, Dads are now entitled to a year off for paternity if mum doesn't take it. I took the first 8 months off then my husband took the last 4 months.

 

[happynewmom1]

If it was a healthy debate, I'd be for it but I've already seen you continually debate this thing. I think since we do work full time and we don't even get paid.. Hardly even in gratitude ever then we have the right to say we are a full time mom. That's me, personally. Obviously I'm also very passionate about this as you come across as if we sit home and play all day which is not at all the case. But maybe thats a difference in how many kids one has. I'm not for a second saying you don't work with your child or do the work surrounding her. But you simply are not with her full time if you are working full time outside of the home. I have always admired working moms.. Working all day and going home to take care of their family but I don't admire the attitude that comes across in your posts. It feels every time like you are putting a sahm down. Call us what you want, I AM a full time mom.. Because I am. For 14+ hours a day working with and for my kids. I go to bed exhausted like you and wake up to more every day.. Just like you so.. Yes.. I do think I can call myself a full time mom.

 

[Kiwiberry]

I am a full time mom and proud of it. Take it from my husband who had to manage the kids when I was sick. It's hard WORK and going to a paying job whether you want to acknowledge it or not IS a break in comparison. I think all mom's are strong whether they stay at home or go to work. What is not cool, is when we attack each other for how we choose to parent. If this crazy world and my crazy Life has taught me anything it's this; Do not judge others for if you could only walk a day in their shoes, you would realize just how ignorant you have been towards them. Many many times in my life I have judged others only to realize my judgments were based in pure ignorance. Compassion and understanding goes a long way and makes a bigger impact on our individual lives that we sometimes never even notice.

We all do our best to provide for our children, whether at home slaving to our kids or at a desk slaving to society.

 

[catty]

I do feel that you make it out that all we do is play, maybe i read your post wrong but when i read them i do feel put down and like im not as worthy.
By 8.30am iv got 4 people ready and out the door, drop one at nursery at 8.30am and one at playgroup at 9.45am (3 days per week) go home, clean, breastfeed, usually some type of shop is needed a few days per week. Pick son up 11.25am pick daughter up 11.45am (have 20 mins to pick one up and run a mile up the road) get home prepare lunch and then have afternoon activities 12.30 -4.30pm
These are not usually all fun and games i normally have an appointment at least twice a month, work on my sons speech therapy which really isnt all that fun for me. We do 2× toddlers groups per week, 1x softplay/sensory group and then we have 2 afternoons we can decide which normally involve lots of walking and parks (which believe me is not always fun with 3 but i make myself or wed be stuck in) majority of these things im surrounded by childminders being paid £4ph per child and were doing the exact same things at the nursery pick ups and groups etc so i do think if they werent my children id be getting £12ph except they are my children and i then get dinner on and house tidied, pick up OH, dinner served, both of us bath and bed kids but then iv still to get clothes, bags orhainsed for the next day and everything else like you say.

 

[loeylo]

I say this from a jealous point of view tbi as i want to work soon but i just cant get childcare to fit. Id love to work 2 full days at work and the rest off but when i go back to work its 5 evenings so still with the kids allday then off to work for 5pm
I do think that when i had one child it was very different (especially when there was such a thing as naps) but now i am literally on the go all day. The mess they create is just unbelievable so i try and be out of the house majority of the day.
Anyway i do enjoy it which i guess is what the thread is about but i am envious as i want to be able to work i just cant get childcare that would even remotely suit.

Do you have a partner that could look after the kids in the evenings? That sucks. I did consider going part time however during the time I did work part time I found that I worked way more than the hours I was paid for and I was doing only slightly less work but getting paid far less for it. They just timetabled classes so most of the senior classes came on the days I was there to teach them, and those are the classes which I spend more time planning/marking for. I also seemed to have every single parents night on the days I worked! TBH id rather be paid for full time and work the hours, rather than be paid for 0.5 or 0.7 and then end up working only a few hours less per week. This is off topic now though!

 

[loeylo]

Me and my husband have taken it in turns, we've each been the working parent and the stay at home parent. I worked for a year while my husband was off with the kids. I worked in an easy job close to home and I loved it. However I feel like I missed out on so much in that year I would never go back to work now. My daughter will reach nursery age come September and I've searched around to find one that will let her do just one day a week. I just hope the kids are enjoying their time with me as much as I am with them.

Also, in response to an earlier comment, Dads are now entitled to a year off for paternity if mum doesn't take it. I took the first 8 months off then my husband took the last 4 months.

My daughter is only in nursery 1 day, well right now she isn't in at all but in the past she did 1 day and she will be returning 1 day. Pretty much every nursery which we considered to be "good" enough for her had spaces. Maybe we were fortunate.

I think it does depend on the demands of your job though. In my last job(s) I can understand that it was a "break" in comparison to being at home, but now I have 30 kids instead of 1 so at home is definitely easier for me, I still don't get a coffee or a lunch break in peace at work now whereas I did in my previous jobs, however now I do get paid far more so it is definitely swings and roundabouts. Most parents in my last job felt like work was a break and weren't too keen to go home, whereas now it is different and there is so much pressure on to perform well that I can't relax, whereas at least at home we can decide to have a pyjama day and I can let standards slip for a day if need be. Again, I'm willing to do it as I actually do love my job, being a teacher is a huge part of my identity, in a way that working in a travel agent or a shop wasn't.

 

[loeylo]

If it was a healthy debate, I'd be for it but I've already seen you continually debate this thing. I think since we do work full time and we don't even get paid.. Hardly even in gratitude ever then we have the right to say we are a full time mom. That's me, personally. Obviously I'm also very passionate about this as you come across as if we sit home and play all day which is not at all the case. But maybe thats a difference in how many kids one has. I'm not for a second saying you don't work with your child or do the work surrounding her. But you simply are not with her full time if you are working full time outside of the home. I have always admired working moms.. Working all day and going home to take care of their family but I don't admire the attitude that comes across in your posts. It feels every time like you are putting a sahm down. Call us what you want, I AM a full time mom.. Because I am. For 14+ hours a day working with and for my kids. I go to bed exhausted like you and wake up to more every day.. Just like you so.. Yes.. I do think I can call myself a full time mom.

Okay, but I am also a full time mum. That's my point. I might not be physically with her, but if you nip to the shops for an hour without your kid, do you stop being their mum? Nope. Being a mum is not just about being physically right beside your child. I'm at work to earn money for HER inheritance. I go to work to provide a future FOR HER. Is your partner a full time dad? It's the terminology which I find annoying, not the principal of being a stay at home mum. I understand that some mums are fulfilled with being a SAHM and that's great, but I'm not. Just as you wouldn't be fulfilled working full time.

 

[.Mrs.B.]

Me and my husband have taken it in turns, we've each been the working parent and the stay at home parent. I worked for a year while my husband was off with the kids. I worked in an easy job close to home and I loved it. However I feel like I missed out on so much in that year I would never go back to work now. My daughter will reach nursery age come September and I've searched around to find one that will let her do just one day a week. I just hope the kids are enjoying their time with me as much as I am with them.

Also, in response to an earlier comment, Dads are now entitled to a year off for paternity if mum doesn't take it. I took the first 8 months off then my husband took the last 4 months.

My daughter is only in nursery 1 day, well right now she isn't in at all but in the past she did 1 day and she will be returning 1 day. Pretty much every nursery which we considered to be "good" enough for her had spaces. Maybe we were fortunate.

I think it does depend on the demands of your job though. In my last job(s) I can understand that it was a "break" in comparison to being at home, but now I have 30 kids instead of 1 so at home is definitely easier for me, I still don't get a coffee or a lunch break in peace at work now whereas I did in my previous jobs, however now I do get paid far more so it is definitely swings and roundabouts. Most parents in my last job felt like work was a break and weren't too keen to go home, whereas now it is different and there is so much pressure on to perform well that I can't relax, whereas at least at home we can decide to have a pyjama day and I can let standards slip for a day if need be. Again, I'm willing to do it as I actually do love my job, being a teacher is a huge part of my identity, in a way that working in a travel agent or a shop wasn't.

I meant nursery as in the year before they start reception. All of our local ones offer the 15 hours by doing 3 hours per day Monday to Friday. I wish they didn't do it like this.
I didn't want her to miss out but going every day would limit our time for days out. I ended up finding a farm nursery that will take her for one day a week. Fingers crossed she likes it.