Play dates with kids who are hard work

[sweetcheeks78]

I'm just moaning really, DS1 is in a very small village school with just 5 other boys in his class. As a result, they are all firm friends and I try to have them all round to play fairly regularly, and I wouldn't exclude just 1 or 2 as I don't think that's fair. However, I am wondering what you do when there's a kid who just doesn't behave. He has no manners, ignores me when I tell him not to do or to do something, refuses to eat what I've made for lunch (after checking with his mum in advance that he'd eat it. I know I am a lot more 'strict' about expecting manners etc than his parents are, so I don't feel comfortable telling him off, but then I think why should he get away with it in front of my son who doesn't?

 

[Natasha2605]

I'd tell him off personally. For me, I'd never let another child get away with doing something I wouldn't allow my own to do.

My girls have friends round and I don't think twice about stepping in and having a word. I find once I do their behaviour massively improves!

 

[SarahBear]

Regardless of his parents' expectations of manners, I think it is OK for you to have your own standards in your own home. If he or his parents don't like it, they can choose on their own for him to be excluded. When you have kids over to your house and their parents aren't around, you are effectively taking over and filling the role of the parent. You have to be the one to set the boundaries and expectations, not the child. Perhaps focus more on "teaching" before you focus on "telling off."

 

[noon_child]

I agree you can't let him do whatever he wants just cos he's not your kid, but I also feel it's unfair to tell him off for things he may not be aware are against your house rules. I think you have to give him a chance to behave by setting clear expectations and clearly stated consequences. Also might be worth duscussing with his parents what consequences they are OK with, or what they do when he breaks rules. I'd be heartbroken if I let my girl go on a play date to find out she'd been spanked for example but for some parents that is what they use as disciplin. I don't even use time out that often, but I wouldn't mind another parent doing it, but only for extreme behaviour (not for not eating dinner - in my view being hungry the rest of the day is its own punishment).

 

[sweetcheeks78]

Thanks everyone. Having had a rough night with LO I wasn't at my most tolerant yesterday! I tried to be firm with him, but not tell him off unless he'd already been asked to do or not do something. I was glad when it came time for him to go home!!

 

[sabby52]

When Declan has play dates I always tell the mothers that I have a set of rules that I expect all children to abide by, being a childminder and having young children in my house most of the time I need to have a clear set of rules, I always explain to Declans friends what they rules are so they know what is expected of them, if they break the rules or misbehave then I will tell them off. I believe, regardless of what is expected of them at home, this is my home and they will respect my rules while they are here.