Please move BACK 35+ttc #1 from Discussions board!

[Mommy's Angel]

Someone moved our thread to "ttc discussions and groups"

As much as we talk in here, this group is NOT a ttc discussion group!

We're women 35+ who've had either miscarriages or have been ttc for years. In my opinion this discussion group is MORE than just a discussion but a support for women of our age when there are HUNDREDS of threads for women of child-baring age who aren't having any issues whatsoever. Other women NEED this thread and it should be kept in 35+ where it can be seen by women who feel helpless or hopeless for encouragement, help through fertility issues and other emotional situations as they ttc.

THIS thread is the Origional and it's OBVIOUSELY women 35+ttc so moving the thread to discussion was a bad move on someones part.

To me it makes me feel yet again like we're being pushed aside for age and thrown in with the kids who can easily conceive. I know I'm hotheaded about this...probably making mountains out of molehills here but I just get frustrated with taking an origional HELPFUL thread for women of 35+ and throwing them in a "discussion" group as though it's just women who are 35+ discussing simple things.

It's not a simple issue to us!! Having struggled for 10 years to conceive a child and dealing with fertility issues it's not a simple subject to be thrown in a forum with women of ALL ages who haven't a clue what it's like to suffer loss after loss or negative after negative and be told your eggs are getting old. I'm hotheaded because this belongs in the 35+ forum to encourage and be seen by women who have no support at home or anywhere else.

PLEASE move the 35+ ttc #1 thread from Discussions group back where it belongs in TTC 35+ forum. Don't push us into a forum with women of childbaring ages. We women of 35+ NEED each other. It's unfair and affensive in my opinion to have moved us to a simple Discussion forum where the importance of being of encouragement and helping each other through fertility treatments is a NECESSITY that only our age group can understand!

The thread I speak of that was moved is below:

TTC #1 child 35+

 

[Nikki Leigh]

Thank you MA for putting that out there. While I know that TTC #1>35 is a really long thread, some people who have joined that thread have read it from the beginning (over a period of time--at least I know I did). I'm not sure what makes the difference between a discussion group and a thread, but I do feel that this particular thread is what brings women into the >35 forum on BnB. The >35 forum is likely one of the lowest traffic boards on BnB, so I'm not sure the logic in moving any threads away from this board. I think the >35 forum will have more traffic by keeping the TTC#1 thread here.

Please advise.

 

[Mommy's Angel]

Thank you MA for putting that out there. While I know that TTC #1>35 is a really long thread, some people who have joined that thread have read it from the beginning (over a period of time--at least I know I did). I'm not sure what makes the difference between a discussion group and a thread, but I do feel that this particular thread is what brings women into the >35 forum on BnB. The >35 forum is likely one of the lowest traffic boards on BnB, so I'm not sure the logic in moving any threads away from this board. I think the >35 forum will have more traffic by keeping the TTC#1 thread here.

Please advise.

Your right! The mere fact that the thread is popular shows how supportive it IS for women 35+ who are ttc their first child. To shove it in a "discussion forum" is such a loss for those who are searching for help and encouragement at a time in their lives they feel low.

PLUS there are women like me who were in there whom without the beautiful encouragement of those in that forum, I may not have found myself with child. Not only is it an encouragement and help through times of sadness and frustration but there are women like me who were a part of that thread who are now with child that can become an encouragement to those who are still in the forum.

Lets face it, ttc while 35 or older isn't a piece of cake. We are NOT like the hundreds of other women in the other forums who are at child-bearing age that can conceive right away. It takes time, patience and sometimes even then we need each other when it's time to move forward with a whole NEW plan if we do not achieve the result we had hoped for. It's THIS group that supports that.

 

[Miss_C]

oops

 

[Cui]

Lets face it, ttc while 35 or older isn't a piece of cake. We are NOT like the hundreds of other women in the other forums who are at child-bearing age that can conceive right away. It takes time, patience and sometimes even then we need each other when it's time to move forward with a whole NEW plan if we do not achieve the result we had hoped for. It's THIS group that supports that.

 

[luvmydoggies]

I agree with Mommy's Angel! This was the first thread that I read when I joined BnB. I also did read it from the beginning and felt like this is where I would fit in. The ladies in our thread are so supportive! I honestly would be lost without them.

 

[Neversaynever]

I also feel that the original thread should be kept in the over 35 section. It's hard enough TTC full stop. Never mind TTC your FIRST child.

When I had miscarried in February I had just turned 35 so cane over to this section and saw this THREAD (not discussion) and read it from the start (over 300 pages in all) and THAT is what has kept me sane. The support on this THREAD has been invaluable not only to myself but the other ladies.
If someone like me came over to the over 35 board and saw the THREAD, it may give them hope in this horrible journey of 35+TTC#1.

Please reconsider moderators

XxX

 

[FutureMommie]

So I went in search of our thread and finally found it! I have to agree that it should be moved back, if it stays mixed in with all the others new ladies who need support and encouragement who are going through some of the same things we are going through will never find us. That really disappoints me. Move us back to our original home.

 

[buttonnose82]

again I have just seen this so will copy & paste from another thread

Threads like these are moved to the discussions and groups area because that is where the chatty type threads are supposed to go. This means that any questions and concerns others have & post about stay at the top of the page rather than keep getting bumped and possibly missed. This is across the board so please don't think your being singled out, groups from other areas (WTT, TTC ect) have also been moved for the same reason

Feel free too post the link too the thread in your signature so others can find it easily.



Please don't feel you are being pushed aside, BNB have added many new areas too the forum recently and some of these are specially for over 35's so surely that shows we recognises there might be other huddles that women in this age bracket might face? Groups form ALL areas of the forum (WTT, TTC etc) have all been moved too the discussion/groups area so please don't feel your being pushed aside, we are just trying too keep it fair for all across the board

 

[Mommy's Angel]

I understand your thought process on this, but I feel really disappointed. Our thread "IS" 35+ and it's under the topic of the forum. I can't understand why we just can't sticky it to the top of the 35ttc board then. Why move it to discussions, because it has it's quota of pages?!

I'm not trying to cause dissention. Many of the women don't specifically go into discussion forums UNLESS they WANT discussion. Many 35+ women while we discuss topics of ttc, losses, disappointments aren't interested in "mingling" with everyone else. I still feel as though we're being thrown into the midst of child-baring age women where this paticular topic of 35+ ttc bunch of women really needs "compassion" and sensitivity.

Let me ask you this question...If you had a series of multiple mc's or were constantly seeing "negatives" on tests, if you paid out of pocket for treatments like IVF and kept getting negative testing, would YOU want to be thrown into the mainstream community?

This thread in itself has gone much farther than just a simple ol discussion board. I think the very reason it's popular is because of the women in that thread who come from many different backgrounds.

I don't know, I guess I see this as more of an outreach to women. Women who come to BnB solely because they don't have that kind of support with their friends who already HAVE babies and don't understand fully what it's like or their family members who just don't get it.

I guess I just think there should be an exception made. We started this thread in 35+ ttc. for that very reason. Because it's a topic many women 35 and older would understand.

I know your trying to be "fair" to all topics, but the truth is that this topic is a sensitive one that in my opinion shouldn't be mainstreamed to be fair just because some "feelings may get hurt". I questions why the forum for 35+ was made if your only going to mainstream us again when our topics become popular. Where's the fairness in that?!

Again, my intention is NOT to cause dissention, in fact, it's to keep an important Origional thread on a board that most 35 and older women will go to. If you keep us where we're at, instead of reaching out to women like us, your possibly causing this thread to become just a "clique" where the only possible opportunity for a new 35+ woman will see us is if they decide to check out "discussion" forum or by a link on our pages.

I think that would be sad.

Please think about changing your mind at LEAST concerning this topic.

I appreciate your consideration!

 

[Cui]

Uggh. I went looking for it and it's starting to get buried under a bunch of other posts including something about fertile mrytles now preggy turtles 17 BFP's something or other on top of it and 21 BFP's April thread underneath it.

Not to be horrible but unless you are have been, or are in our position no mod is going to understand how we feel about this.

 

[Mommy's Angel]

Uggh. I went looking for it and it's starting to get buried under a bunch of other posts including something about fertile mrytles now preggy turtles 17 BFP's something or other on top of it and 21 BFP's April thread underneath it.

Not to be horrible but unless you are have been, or are in our position no mod is going to understand how we feel about this.

That to me is SO sad. I guess that's why our thread and forum is so important. We support each other through so many non-traditional ttc moments that it's just heartbreaking that people just don't understand where we're coming from. It breaks my heart.

 

[sarahincanada]

I knew that was there policy as I mentioned before, but I thought they might move it back. I dont really understand why all threads that are chatty have to be moved to one generic folder. that means that only threads asking questions remain, all the friendly threads that people bond and chat in get moved.
seems a bit odd, but I guess its their policy. I know in the TTC folder the groups were quite overpowering so I see their point about them dominating the questions in those folders. but our couple of groups were not doing that.
kosh recently started an around 40 and TTC#1 thread, so when they gets bigger that will be moved I assume.

 

[Mommy's Angel]

I knew that was there policy as I mentioned before, but I thought they might move it back. I dont really understand why all threads that are chatty have to be moved to one generic folder. that means that only threads asking questions remain, all the friendly threads that people bond and chat in get moved.
seems a bit odd, but I guess its their policy. I know in the TTC folder the groups were quite overpowering so I see their point about them dominating the questions in those folders. but our couple of groups were not doing that.
kosh recently started an around 40 and TTC#1 thread, so when they gets bigger that will be moved I assume.

It's rediculous in my opinion Why even HAVE specific forums if your going to mainstream the popular ones?! Why not just "sticky" the larger threads at the top of the forum and allow the questions where they usually are?

In my opinion the 35 and over group NEEDS that sensitivity not forced to see "fertile mertile" threads in a mainstream forum. All I ask is to keep the 35 and over in the forum that was made, sticky the larger threads at the top and allow the questions to stay where they are. It shouldn't be that hard. It's what's done on every other board I've been on and never causes an issue, but to make a 35 and older forum just to purge popular "informing" threads to the mainstream is just rediculous in my opinion. Sometimes rules can be broken in leu of "sensitivity issues" not to mention how many of our girls in this forum who are knew will even WANT to go into the discussion forum and emotionally deal with seeing the rediculous "discussion" topics that come up?

 

[Shelley71]

Wow, I missed a lot these last couple of days! This is ridiculous. I will NOT go looking for a thread in the midst of a bunch of 20 somethings giggling and cheering about their BFPs, while I'm sitting here having just learned that at 40 freaking years old I am not ovulating AND I'm trying for my FIRST.

I don't think a sticky is too much to ask for. We are NOT the same as the other women on this site - not in ANY way, shape or form. Being 35 or 40+ and TTC has a WHOLE other set of problems than someone in their 20s has. I'm not saying that women in their 20s don't have infertility, but they do NOT have the same sense of urgency and impending doom that we have.

This is stupid.

 

[skye2010]

I agree with Mommy's Angel and all the other women who support our thread. The idea of discussing my inability to conceive to any woman I don't know is quite disorienting. I have been on this thread for more than a year. I have gained a lot of strength and support from all the wonderful women who have an understanding of what I am going through cause they have similar experiences. I have found this thread because I was "trying to conceive after the age of 35 for the first child". I went to 35+ page and found this thread very easily because I was specifically looking for it. This web site has many threads and discussions and it is quite confusing. I have never looked into the Discussions forum before and I don't intend to. It is intimidating posting a message to any ongoing thread for the first time when you don't know what the other women are there for. However this thread is exactly what the title says. And the women here are especially helpful and supportive because everyone here has a very specific goal and problems. I can talk about the issues that I wouldn't talk to my close friends or family because I know I could have a positive support from the women on this thread. I believe if this thread stays where it is moved it might be difficult for the other 35+ TTC 1st child women to find it.

Women over 35 who has never concieved can also be very sensitive to women who can and who has concieved. I personally get very upset walking out of my door sometimes and seeing a mother push a baby carriage down the road. I try not to look. And the same way I find it offensive to scroll into a page full of titles with BFP's, young TTC's, happy discussions about babies etc.... I enjoyed the fact that once I finish my post on TTC35+ first baby, I could scroll through other titles to do with 35+ concieving concerns.

Therefore I am not happy that our thread has been moved and would like to ask the BNP moderators to leave our thread where it is and not to expose us to women who doesn't have to deal with the issues we specifically face everyday.

 

[StirCrazy]

This thread has been moved back.



skye2010, I hope that was mean to say BNB(?)

 

[skye2010]

Stir Crazy Thank you so much for moving us back. I am sooo happy ))
Yaaaay!!!!!
Yes it of course meant BNB. I am on a long protocol IVF TWW right now and been posting so much recently that all my TTc jargon has become a soup. )))) I'm sorry about that.
I also want to thank all the BNB team here cause this site has been a tremendous help for me. I actually value TTC 35+ 1st child followers as much as I value my close friends. Thank you very much for giving this web site to us ))) and also for being so attentive to us.

 

[HappyAuntie]

This thread has been moved back.

Thank you! I really appreciate the admins' thoughtful consideration of our appeals.

And to echo Skye, I LOVE BnB - thank you for providing a safe and welcoming place for us to gather and support each other.

 

[FutureMommie]

Thank you for moving us back!!!