Preterm Labor, Back Pain, Awful MIL and now the Flu

[brooklinn]

I haven't posted here in awhile, but I've been lurking. Anyway, this is probably going to end up being pretty long, but I need a place to vent.

In November our landlord lost her house and decided to break our lease and move into the place we were living. My OH and I currently live with his parents until we can find a different place. His mother is just awful. She is way too pushy and believes she is always right. This is just a small list of the things she constantly goes on about:

• The baby's name - She has decided she will also pick a name and that's just what she will call him. Actually, when I announced the name we picked, she threw a fit and said we should have had a "family discussion" about it before I announced.
• Cloth diapering - She says I will think its a pain.
• Breastfeeding - Same thing as cloth diapering, I will think its a pain.
• Where the baby will sleep - I want him in our room, she thinks he should stay in the nursery
• Me being a full time student - She thinks I need to get a full time job about 6 weeks after the baby is here.
• OH's job - He's in the interview process for a different one, but she still goes on about it.
• The hospital I'm delivering at - The one she wants me to deliver at is cheaper, but I don't believe the quality of care is the same.
• She also has told me that she doesn't care that I only want OH in the room when I give birth because she will be there.

Last week I went to the hospital with contractions. I figured they were probably just braxton hicks, but nothing was making them better. Turns out, they were the real thing and I'm now dilated to around 2.5. They stopped my contractions, gave me betamethasone shots, and sent me home on bed rest.

I already feel awful enough about not being able to do anything. I also get awful, excruciating back pain that lasts for hours at a time and now I have the stomach flu. Luckily my professors are being very understanding and lenient. Before I was on bed rest, my MIL expected me to clean the house, including doing everyone's laundry. Now that I'm unable to do that, I get to hear about how nothing is done and I'm being lazy. FIL and OH don't clean up after themselves at all. No one has clean clothes, and all the dishes are dirty. It just doesn't seem fair to me. There are three other people in this house who can clean. Yes, they all have jobs, but school is my job, and I have doctor's orders to stay off of my feet. I'm so depressed and I just feel worthless. I've been thinking about moving in with my dad until OH and I find a place, but we weren't going to move until after he gets established at his new job and that may be in a few months. I don't want him to miss those first few months of the baby's life, but that may be my only option. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[BabyCleo]

omg you poor thing. I know my fair share about bad inlaws. Im sorry. I think moving in with your dad is actually a good idea. You cant let your MIL be like that. You are doing the right thing, shes just taking advantage of you being in her home, shes using you so she dosent have to clean.

id totally try to move in with your dad until you guys can find a place, that way your MIL will be out of your life for a bit.

 

[Anh1982]

Can your OH move to your dad's with you? Either way, I'd make the move, your MIL sounds like she has serious boundary issues!

 

[maggz]

So sorry about your situation. Maybe you should have a family discussion like your MIL suggested, but instead of it being about the name YOU are choosing for YOUR baby, you set her straight on a few of those things. Tell her that her input is welcomed (take the high road) but in the end, this is your and your OH's child and you will be making final decisions, and you would appreciate her support even when she doesn't agree.
Tell her you would like the baby to get as ready as it can by not going into preterm labor and the only way to do that is for you to stay off your feet. You would be more than willing to help around the house but your baby and its health is number 1.

If this doesn't work, or you can't imagine having that kind of conversation with her, moving in with your dad might be the best option!

This is your life and your child and you have to put yourself first. It's as simple as that. Sounds like you're making some very good decisions (getting education, planning to breastfeed and let the baby sleep in your room) and no one has the right to undermine you.

again.

 

[mod19]

Good thing going you have the only say in who gets to be in the room! My mil is like that too and I will not allow anyone in the room until a few hours after she is born. You need to bond, especially for breastfeeding, and you will have no top on for this. A blanket, yes, but it's still a personal time. I've already asked my Dr about hospital policies and only the mother has a right to say who and when they are allowed in. You can kick dh out if you choose.

Anyways, sorry about the ramble, but it does sound like you're making the right decisions for your family. You're not cinderella and shouldn't be treated as so. Like pp said, the health of your baby comes first, and if that means staying off your feet so be it. If you feel like you're not pulling your weight tell her you'd be happy to fold the clothes, but you can be on your feet collecting and washing and you'll need help putting them away. I'm sorry you have the flu. I also had it a couple weeks ago and it was horrible.

 

[nflores77]

so sorry you are going through that... I'm sorry to say I don't think things will get better with your MIL if not I think they may get worse. I sure hope you can find peace with your dad and hopefully your spouse can move in with you. I wish you luck... and hopefully everything works out sooner rather than later.

 

[brooklinn]

Thanks for the support guys. OH really doesn't want me to move out, and I feel so bad for considering it. I feel like it's going to get so much worse after the baby is born though.