Pure heartache

[keepinfaith]

Have reached the two year mark of trying Been married 4 years and never used protection. Two years ago decided it was time to really do this. Started with all the ovulation testing, etc. Since then have tried with fertility drugs, IUI's, acupuncture, massage, herbs... I have take the few months off, just whatever happens happens to try to remove the stress part. I just don't know what else to do.
I am so sad. My heart is just aching. I am the last one of everyone i know, and i can't even go onto FB with out seeing a millions pictures of my friends so happy with their kids.
i never thought i would hurt this bad to and yearn so much fo a child of my own to love. my husband I and decided a long time ago we didn't want to do IVF for personal reasons. We are goign to start the adoption process... but i am so scared of what that may bring, and it doesn't ease the pain i am feeling. Sorry just needed to vent. I have no one who understands how lonely this jounrey has been and how painful.

 

[Rach27]

Oh sweetheart My hubby and I tried for 4 years before we fell pregnant and that's only because I pushed for a (thankfully correct!) diagnosis of endometriosis, which I had treated. I know exaclt how you feel and I can remember the dispair and I still can't believe how well our story turned out. Becoming adoptive parents will be a whole new amazing journey I'm sure and I wish all the very best.

 

[keepinfaith]

i have had surgery for that. everything seems to be fine with both of us. but thank you! just having a bad day today. it is hard not to think it is b/c i am not deserving.

 

[nevernormal]

August also marked 2 years for us TTC. We've tried herbs & clomid so far, but IVF is also not in the cards for us for many, many reasons.

Are you going to NTNP while you pursue adoption? Or are you putting TTC on hold indefinitely?

 

[keepinfaith]

porbably NTNP while goign through adoption. I just worry about adoption. What if we do have children after we adopt, would that be painful for our adopted child, i dont know? i know God has a plan, and it it my faith that has steared me away from IVF. Some days are just so hard while trying to keep faith.

 

[2have4kids]

Hi Keeping, I'm at work, it's only 9:15 and I can't seem to keep it together today. I completely share your heartache. I think I'm upset because my birthday is approaching and I don't want to face that I'll be 37 and childless. Not only are there about 7 other people that I'll be sharing a birthday with this year but they're doing a big party. I think I'll show up for an hour and then leave. It's only Monday and I'm crying at work, how's it going to feel when Saturday rolls around?

The other crappy thing is that my bro-in-law and nephew's birthday is this long weekend too and the hubbie usually goes to visit with them to celebrate their birthday. I really need him this year. He's already stated he's going to spend part of the weekend with them. Can't I just have him with me this one year? I feel so selfish for wanting him all to myself. He just got back yesterday from camping the whole weekend with them, I had to work. I don't want to let him go next weekend. I would love to get out and do some climbing/hiking and forget about it all for a day or two.

Keepinfaith, have you been to a naturopath doctor to talk about your infertility? I have a sneaking suspicion that I have autoimmune dysfunction. It's where your own cells attack your ability to conceive. https://drfiona.whitelotusclinic.ca/2011/03/natural-treatments-for-autoimmune-infertility-concerns/
I'm trying to make an appointment with a naturopath this week to do some tests recommended in the article.
How can I say cheer up when I feel so miserable? I'll send you bear hugs today instead OK?

 

[nevernormal]

I know a family who intentionally adopted their first before ever trying, then had 3 of their own, AND adopted another. I've always wanted a mix of adopted and biological, even before the we had to face the reality of how hard it would be to conceive. I don't think it's unfair to adopted OR biological kids to have a mix of both. If they are your children, then they are yours, no matter how they got there

Like you, my faith keeps me going. God DOES have a plan for us. But don't ever feel like you've done something that makes you undeserving. It's easy to feel like infertility is some kind of punishment that we've brought upon ourselves, but it's more truthful to see it as something that God is using it to grow us in our walk with Him. I read something recently that said (the author believes) that children born (or adopted) through the journey of infertility are extra special, because God chose that journey to change the lives of the people going through it.

 

[keepinfaith]

2Have4kids - i am so so sorry. I am panicked about 33, and DH being 35. I know 37 you have 5 years on me but i do understand the pain. I think you have to tell you husband how much you nneed him as this is going to be a very difficult bday! I have been to a naturopath, and i have always used softcups, (saw that on your info). I think i haev tried everything under the sun. Recently trying maca root, but i don't think it worked. I too have been crying at my desk this morning... so HUGS to you!!!! not a fun way to start the week!!! Be strong, and my prayers are with you.

 

[keepinfaith]

nevernormal - that was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. thank you for you very kind and understanding words. I needed that today.

 

[keepinfaith]

2have4kids- just looekd at that link and i am going to look more seriuosly into Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). i think i may have that. I was unablt to do the iui's many months in a row due to my continuous stream of cysts. They have gotten so out of control i was in the hospital over night to be monitored to make sure my ovaries didn't twist. I had surgery and they found no endrometreosis. But no one has ever mentioned PCOS to me with all my cyst issues?! I will be making an appointment to dicuss further with my OB/GYN. Thanks for the info!

 

[2have4kids]

Oh that sounds terrible, I hope things get better. I can understand why you don't want to go through IVF, those stim drugs might do a number on you! I'm sending the article to the naturopath that I've just booked along with my supplement / diet regime. Hopefully something will help both of us!

 

[africaqueen]

My mum and dad ttc for 10 long yrs and my mum was told she would never conceive due to tubal issues but then they had me. Keep the faith. 2yrs may seem like a lifetime but its not and you have lots of chance. I have been ttc for 8yrs and my dh and i have lost 2 babies and both my tubes in 2010 and we have had 2 failed ivf cycles but we still have hope we will be parents and are having ivf x3 in the new year. Stay strong xxx

 

[LGRJWR]

Have reached the two year mark of trying Been married 4 years and never used protection. Two years ago decided it was time to really do this. Started with all the ovulation testing, etc. Since then have tried with fertility drugs, IUI's, acupuncture, massage, herbs... I have take the few months off, just whatever happens happens to try to remove the stress part. I just don't know what else to do.
I am so sad. My heart is just aching. I am the last one of everyone i know, and i can't even go onto FB with out seeing a millions pictures of my friends so happy with their kids.
i never thought i would hurt this bad to and yearn so much fo a child of my own to love. my husband I and decided a long time ago we didn't want to do IVF for personal reasons. We are goign to start the adoption process... but i am so scared of what that may bring, and it doesn't ease the pain i am feeling. Sorry just needed to vent. I have no one who understands how lonely this jounrey has been and how painful.

I completely understand! I could have written this exact post because it sounds so similar to my own journey! Just know your not alone.

 

[PinkPeony]

ladies. I was crying at my desk this afternoon too. One of those days.

 

[mjemma]

I broke down when I hit the 2 year mark as it seemed such a big and unfair milestone. We then conceived naturally the next month! So I know how hard it is and how it feels like it will never happen, but it can.

 

[CanadianMaple]

I'm so sad too. I'm back to work after a summer off and everyone who got married the same time as me are off for the school year because they are on mat leave. We know we have a 0% chance of it happening naturally and it just plain sucks. We have been moving toward using a donor but that journey is hard too. We have had more health scares during this testing (hypogonadism, then Hep C which both were wrong) and it has really taken its toll. I just wish it could happen easily and naturally, I feel like we have paid our dues.

 

[ttcforever17]

ive been ttc 17yrs and it feels like im the only person it never happens for lost my faith a long time ago that it will eventually be me yet i still keep trying ivf considering surrogacy abroad next yr if my next fet fails. its all so unfair.

 

[stayinhappy]

Dear Keepinfaith....I know your heartache first hand, I know how awful some days are, how sometimes the tears come outta no where, and yet other days are ok and you feel hopeful. This is such an incredible roller coaster of emotions this journey to have a baby...to become a mummy. I wish no one would have to go through this...but somehow, we have been placed on this difficult path for a reason. Try to stay strong, and know that your day will come!! I have been TTC for 20 months, and some months when my period comes all I can do is cry, and some months I feel blessed and lucky to be able to try again next month...that I am alive and well and able to try again. Just know that you are not alone...and all of those feelings you have are normal. Wishing you lots of baby dust!