question for those from spanish/latino cultures

[kiasuten]

is this really a cultural thing that i just don't get? or is someone making an excuse for rude people??

i am really annoyed with my OH's aunt, who recently moved in with us at MIL's house. the second she stepped through the door, she made a beeline for my belly. i accepted her touching me the first time even though i wasn't comfortable (she hadn't seen me since i got my belly) and i think it's rude to grab someone without asking first.

she did this for FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT. every time i entered a room she'd grab my belly, shove her face into it, and start cooing at it. i asked OH if he could politely explain to her that it made me uncomfortable, and i don't even like my mom or his mom touching me. he said he couldn't tell her without offending her.

i explained to him that i found it rude for her to touch me without asking permission-- i dont care if she doesn't speak english, because OH's mom doesn't either and she manages to ask permission with body language, or ask someone to ask me. his aunt could do the same thing.

what i'm worried about now is when baby comes home... i'm already protective of my belly, and i know i'll be worse with baby, and i want people to be able to hold LO, but i think people should ask permission before grabbing him from his crib or from his carseat. or from me.

a few people have said to me that it's a spanish/latino culture thing, that my being white means i can't understand that spanish folks are just more laid back with stuff like this, that i have to adapt and accept that they just won't ask permission, because otherwise i'll be offending them if i require that....

so does this mean that because i'm not from that culture, i have to change how i feel about things because everyone else is? is it even a cultural thing??

 

[JLFKJS]

This is NOT a cultural thing. People do this to me all the time especially customers from work and the most recent was an aunt that I haven't seen since I was a child. I also find it very annoying and uncomfortable and quite rude. I mean they wouldn't touch my belly if I wasn't pregnant, so don't do it now!!

 

[kiasuten]

they wouldn't touch my belly if I wasn't pregnant, so don't do it now!!

This is what I'm saying!!! I don't like to be touched normally, and I got called a bitch by my mom because I wouldn't let her touch my belly for a really long time, but I finally accepted that people should get one opportunity. But this lady had me running through rooms just to avoid her!!

 

[JLFKJS]

I feel bad for you! I wish your OH would say something, it being his family and all. He doesn't have to be rude about it he could simply just state that you don't like it. I know how men are though, they think we are over reacting cause they don't understand lol. Here I found a t-shirt for you

 

[kiasuten]

Man, I wish I had that shirt 20 weeks ago!! Haha. I just need to get a onesie for LO that says something similar.

 

[Cabbage]

I went through nine months of no one ever touching my bump, no one even tried! It just happened that way, I didn't even have to ask them not to, actually to be honest, it wouldn't have bothered me...

But, if you're not happy with it, try to subtly make them aware with your body language, if that doesn't work, speak up.

 

[My4thmiracle]

lol ive had complete strangers come up to my belly and give it a good rub, it doesnt bother me. the only thing that i did stop was some old lady coming at me and she crouched down and wanted to kiss my stomach, THAT WAS EXTREME

 

[jojosmami]

Well, I can't speak for a whole nationality but my DH is Puerto Rican and I grew up in a hispanic community ( I am white ) and I don't think its a culture thing. My DH family has some people who did the same thing my whole pregnancy and some members who didn't. My MIL is very religious and she would always tell me not to let people touch my belly or the baby because of religious reasons. I think people touching your belly is WAY different than picking up your baby without asking! If that happens I would DEF speak up! Your the mom and its your call!!

 

[abc123x]

I do believe it's cultural. Latino families tend to include the older women(grandmothers, etc) more. This doesn't mean it's okay. It's still your body and they'll have to understand that you feel differently.

Many women used to consider it good luck in every culture.

 

[Sadie79]

I must be unusual because I actually like people to touch my bump - i've just finished work (at a college where I am a lecturer) and have had many facsinated 16-20 year olds (often boys) stroking and prodding bump on a daily basis. If I didn't like it it would have been a potential nightmare so I really feel for you. You could try to freak them out by touching them back!! Your husband must feel like he can't approach the subject without causing offence. Good luck.

 

[kiasuten]

You could try to freak them out by touching them back!! Your husband must feel like he can't approach the subject without causing offence. Good luck.

I really wish this was suggested to me waaaay earlier, like 20 weeks ago!! That would get my point across in a very clear way, and my OH would have laughed his ass off at some of his family members' reactions. And I don't think it would've come off as rude or offensive.

I was just thinking, too, my OH has a real serious problem with tact. He has absolutely none.

 

[JLFKJS]

Wow almost a week over! I think the baby is scared to come out due to all of that extra bump rubbing lol

 

[kiasuten]

Wow almost a week over! I think the baby is scared to come out due to all of that extra bump rubbing lol

lol funny you say that since each time his aunt cornered me, she had something to say about "oh he's coming tonight" or "just a few days now" she must've jinxed me

 

[JLFKJS]

Don't you love it how everyone else knows when your baby is coming?! lol

 

[raylynn]

I am white and my husband is hispanic. Most latinos I know are more touchy feely than others. My own mom whom I see regularly has never asked or tried to touch my belly, but my MIL came to visit once and greeted me with a kiss and a belly rub. I haven't been pregnant and around the rest of my OHs family, but I wouldn't be surprised if all of the women did the same.

It may be that your MIL is more sensitive to cultural differences that she manages to ask permission. I think it goes both ways though you should understand their culture is more touchy and laid back about touching and they should understand in your culture touching without permission is a violation.

And you're right, if you don't have your concern of their touchyness expressed now, it will be more of a problem once your baby has arrived.

 

[kiasuten]

Don't you love it how everyone else knows when your baby is coming?! lol

Oh yeah, I've been told I'll go into labor like 80 thousand times since I hit 35 weeks. I love false hope!!

I am white and my husband is hispanic. Most latinos I know are more touchy feely than others. My own mom whom I see regularly has never asked or tried to touch my belly, but my MIL came to visit once and greeted me with a kiss and a belly rub. I haven't been pregnant and around the rest of my OHs family, but I wouldn't be surprised if all of the women did the same.

It may be that your MIL is more sensitive to cultural differences that she manages to ask permission. I think it goes both ways though you should understand their culture is more touchy and laid back about touching and they should understand in your culture touching without permission is a violation.

And you're right, if you don't have your concern of their touchyness expressed now, it will be more of a problem once your baby has arrived.

I got used to the kisses hello, I've accepted that everyone congregates to socialize in the kitchen even though it's the smallest room in the house, but this is something that I've really been trying to stop before it starts.

I'm not sure how to explain it... for instance, there is a couple in a relationship, where one partner wants to remain in the relationship, and the other partner doesn't. Who gets what they want? The one who doesn't want to be in the relationship. Because it doesn't make sense to do something you don't want to do just because someone else wants to. I feel like this is that kind of a situation.

Maybe I feel like people (myself included) should be more sensitive to what others would rather not do/have done to them. I wouldn't make a friend go to a lobster dinner with me if she were allergic to shellfish, and I wouldn't expect someone who hated insects to go on a camping trip with me. And it would be selfish of me to expect them to do it simply because it was something I like to do. Obviously I'm oversimplifying this, but I feel like it's kind of on the same level.

I've made it clear though, especially since OH had to leave me here with his family while he starts his new job (I'll be going in about a month after I get settled with the baby) how I feel about things when it comes to the baby. So no one's going to be picking him up without asking me, or showing up at the house without at least calling first to see if it's a good time. At this point, my anxiety has gotten so bad that I really don't care who gets offended... I'm a first-time mom in a house full of people who I didn't grow up with, and I can only communicate with one other person in the house. I gotta look out for me and my son's best interests and stop worrying about offending people.

 

[Maria2019]

That's a shame because this is definitely NOT a hispanic mother thing. Yes, we are affectionate, but within reason. No one should be touched unwanted. Period.