Question for UK mummies about 10 year olds going out

[susan_1981]

Just wondering if times have changed this much. When I was in primary school, from the age of about 9, I used to always be out with my friends. We used to go into town on the bus, go shopping, go to the park or the woods - just had to be home before it got dark. My husband is the same age as me and said he was the same, always out and about with friends as long as home before dark.

My niece is almost 11 years old and due to start secondary school in September. She never, ever goes out with her friends in just a social situation. If she sees them outside of school, it's generally for a sleepover or for a birthday party. She never goes to the park with them or shopping or anything like we all used to when I was her age. She just seems to hang out with my mum (so her nan) on the weekends which I find even more bizarre. Is this the norm now? She is an only child and very much mollycoddled. The secondary school that she is going to is a good 2 miles away and there is no direct bus there so she will have to walk a lot of the way there and back. My concern is that this is going to be a hell of a transition to go from. Basically going from never being away from adults to then having to go to school on her own.

I know it's not really my business as she isn't my child but she is my niece and I do worry that she might not be streetwise enough for her age. Or is this how it is nowadays? I know parents worry about crime but there's no more crime these days than there was when I was her age.

 

[kerrie24]

A lot of the kids around here do hang around the streets together but any decent families I know who dont want their kids to get into trouble don't allow it because theres just too many dangers these days.Its a real shame.
I did when I was younger though,and I suppose it depends on what sort of place you live in.

 

[RachA]

I don't think it's a case of being modycoddled tbh. I would say its more about trying to keep our children safe.
My children are younger but as far as I'm concerned at the moment I don't see why they would need to be out of the house on their own or with a couple of friends at 10.

I'm 36 this year and I wasn't allowed out on my own/with friends until I was about 13/14. I walked to school with my elder sister for the first year and then with friends I'd made after that (senior school). My two elder brothers though regularly went out on their own/with friends when they were pre 14. By the time I got to that she my parents considered it not safe. It wasn't a case of my brothers bring allowed but I wasn't because I was a girl.

I think you have to look at why children 'need' to be out on their yen if with friends wandering the streets. Quite often, where I live, if you see a group of 10yo hanging around they are causing trouble because they are bored.

 

[sunshine114]

I think it depends on where you live, here the children are out all the time. I teach at the local primary school and whenever I go out with my son on his bike or for a walk I always see children out playing, or on their way to knock for each other. The younger children (up to about 8) tend to stay by their houses but the older ones are allowed further. That said we have lots of green space to play football or ride bikes and no roads bigger than little cul de sacs to cross.

ETA: they are always playing as we'll, not just wandering in gangs. It's usually the boys on the green playing football and the girls riding bikes or doing cartwheels or handstands at the side. Or they are playing tennis or playing with the younger ones.

 

[kerrie24]

I think it depends on where you live, here the children are out all the time. I teach at the local primary school and whenever I go out with my son on his bike or for a walk I always see children out playing, or on their way to knock for each other. The younger children (up to about 8) tend to stay by their houses but the older ones are allowed further. That said we have lots of green space to play football or ride bikes and no roads bigger than little cul de sacs to cross.

ETA: they are always playing as we'll, not just wandering in gangs. It's usually the boys on the green playing football and the girls riding bikes or doing cartwheels or handstands at the side. Or they are playing tennis or playing with the younger ones.

That sounds like a nice place for kids to live

 

[RachA]

I think it depends on where you live, here the children are out all the time. I teach at the local primary school and whenever I go out with my son on his bike or for a walk I always see children out playing, or on their way to knock for each other. The younger children (up to about 8) tend to stay by their houses but the older ones are allowed further. That said we have lots of green space to play football or ride bikes and no roads bigger than little cul de sacs to cross.

ETA: they are always playing as we'll, not just wandering in gangs. It's usually the boys on the green playing football and the girls riding bikes or doing cartwheels or handstands at the side. Or they are playing tennis or playing with the younger ones.

That sounds like a nice place for kids to live

It does

I'd love to live in an area where there was a huge green area that the kids can play on and can be seen from the house. They only places like that in my area are the worse roads in the town-mainly because of druggies out on the green doing drugs

 

[susan_1981]

I think it's a real shame that children don't go out on their own with friends anymore. My childhood is filled with happy memories of playing with my friends, going out shopping, to the park. And we did this from a very young age. We were on the bus going into the next town when we were 9 or 10. It was the norm for kids our age back then and I'm not from a "rough" area. And as I said before, it's no more dangerous now than it was 20 odd years ago. That being said, I know when my son is older, I'm going to find it difficult to let him go out on his own but I just think it's part of being a kid. You can't wrap them in cotton wool forever in my opinion.

 

[seoj]

I do think it depends on the child (how responsible etc...) as well as what the parents are comfy with. I would not personally be comfy with my teenager being out and about no check-ins etc... even though I really don't think crime is THAT much worse- if at all, but I grew up in a smaller city- and crime was not splattered on the news/FB/tweeter etc... so it's much more in our face now as parents. There does seem something to it (for me personally)-- cause hearing about it SO much, is scary tbh. But, I have to remind myself to let go- and allow my children the space to grow and learn and discover as well... it's a fine line!

Our oldest was always allowed to be very social- just within reason and we always knew where she was and who she was with- most often the kids were at our place running around outside or in. We just set very clear boundaries and rules- but she was allowed to do a lot of social things... As she matured, we'd talk about letting her do new things etc... and it was always an open line of communication. She did need us to reign her in a bit- otherwise she's be go go go ALL day (literally) lol- but that was her personality more so than not.

I do see parents on one extreme or the other though- some friends who's kids are never really out of their site- even at home alone for an hour they worry- but others let their kids do way more stuff than I would allow (but I also see the "trouble" those kids can get into)-- so it's about finding the groove that works for you and your kids. Least that is my two cents I know I may be more strict than most - just based on what I see with my teenagers friends, but certainly not as strict as some. I think our teenager is great- very respectful and sweet and hardly gives us any grief! So to me, I feel we have done our job well

 

[Jo.t]

There are kids allways out where we live from the age of about 5 ! The older ones look out for the younger ones & all the parents keep an eye out for each others kids.
Its a great place for kids to live

It all depends on the area I think x

 

[sunshine114]

I think it depends on where you live, here the children are out all the time. I teach at the local primary school and whenever I go out with my son on his bike or for a walk I always see children out playing, or on their way to knock for each other. The younger children (up to about 8) tend to stay by their houses but the older ones are allowed further. That said we have lots of green space to play football or ride bikes and no roads bigger than little cul de sacs to cross.

ETA: they are always playing as we'll, not just wandering in gangs. It's usually the boys on the green playing football and the girls riding bikes or doing cartwheels or handstands at the side. Or they are playing tennis or playing with the younger ones.

That sounds like a nice place for kids to live

It does

I'd love to live in an area where there was a huge green area that the kids can play on and can be seen from the house. They only places like that in my area are the worse roads in the town-mainly because of druggies out on the green doing drugs

It is, I grew up here too. The houses are terraced or semi rear approach so the cul de sac, driveways and garages are at the back of the houses. Its a bit weird to have visitors arrive through the back garden but it means the fronts are gardens and greens between the triangles. If I lived in a city instead of a town like this it would be very different and I think everyone would be much more unsure about letting kids out to play on the down side everyone knows everyone and their business!

 

[hayz_baby]

I used to play out at a young age all the time.go on bike rides make dens and go exploring. I thinks it's part of a healthy childhood to say u fell off a tree and scrapped your knee. We grew up in a nice area though, my parents still live there and it's so much quieter then why it used to be. Behind the house is a small strip of grass we used to play on quite regularly with other kids from the street, when I was there a few days ago it was nice weather but no kids playing. Years ago that's one of the places we played. We would go to parks or go round the lake (there's a lake on my estate!) go exploring and make dens. We made our own entertainment. I would come in for dinner when told too and maybe go back out to play after and stay till it got dark. (Although we weren't allowed as far) my aim is to b able to provide that or my children. I want my children p b able to play and knock for friends, and go off an discover.why would I want them stuck in the house on nice days (not saying we would ever do anything as a family but u can't do it everyday every weekender everyday during 6 weeks off) where they will fight or stare at computers/tv. I'm not saying that's always the case but its a very common scenario. A rise in childhood obsesity and no chance to run and burn off all that energy? It was the same for my oh.
I know the areas I want to move to and my plan is to make it happen in nov. x