Question on ttc when you have children already

[poppy]

For those of you ttc over 35, do you think you have a better chance of conceiving if you already have children and had no problem getting pregnant than someone ttc number one over 35?

I know this sounds an odd question, but it's just that we are considering ttc number 3 in a few years time. I am turning 34 this week and ideally would like to ttc number 3 when I am 35/36 but am worried this is leaving things too late. I would not be able to ttc earlier as a) My youngest would still be a baby and b) my hubbie would absolutely flat out refuse to ttc earlier - I think he needs a bit of time where our toddlers are sleeping through the night etc before we had another baby (I would ttc earlier though!). So when we do ttc I would be in this section.

I do worry about declining fertility and problems etc but am wondering what your view is on ttc subsequent children over 35 when you already have children and have had no problems. I conceived both of my children on the first month ttc (one at 30 and one at 33), but realise that things do change the older you get. Does your fertility drastically nose dive at 35 or is it a gradual thing into your 40s? I think it is annoying how when you get into your 30s your are bombarded with negative information - although, I do realise that you need to know the facts about things. I would have liked to have started earlier, but as my DH is three years younger than me, he would not have entertained having kids younger than he was when we had our first (he was 27 when my eldest was born).

I really do want a third child but do feel blessed to have two healthy boys and would still feel blessed if we did not have a third child (OH is still a bit on the fence regarding this, but says that when our youngest turns two he may consider ttc for a third!). I do think that if we do not at least try for a third, I may regret it and feel there is a person missing from our family - I always thought I would have three kids (I am from a family of three kids myself, so maybe that is why?).

Sorry for the long rambling post.

Good luck in your journeys and hope you all get your BFPs really soon.

xxx

 

[mummymurray74]

:wave:Hi poppy!
Well I am happy to help and answer your question! It would seem that yes its possible to have problems later. I have four gorgeous kids, 18,13,11 and 2. I had my first 3 from a previous marriage all concieved easily, the 11 year old while i was on the pill!!!!! and then i remarried and we got pregnant within 2 months of coming off my pill, sadly we misscarried, but another 2 months later we got pregnant again with no trouble and had our 2 year old, i was 34 at the time.

I am now 37 and we have been trying since last December with no luck at all, we have our first fertility appointment tomorrow to find out whats going on. My advice to you is yes dont wait if you can possibly help it, i knew they said after 35 its harder but i didnt really believe it! We thought we would be nearing birth now and here we are not even pregnant yet.

Ive met a lot of ladies on here in the same position as me and a few of them have had 3 or more children. Its very stressful lonely and saddening and puts a lot of strain on things, because the longing is the same as anyone else wanting a baby, but nobody understands and thinks then you should be happy with what you have, and why should you want another baby if its not happening, so then you shouldnt care and get on with your life. But we would hate to think when we are older that we wished we had tried everything possible, but we just gave up because it didnt happen Hope i helped.

 

[readyformore]

Hi poppy!

I don't really apply considering that I've had trouble conceiving my first when I was only 24.
But, I wanted to tell you I have 3 kids and I LOVE it.
I know your hubby is refusing to ttc earlier, but I firmly believe that if you want another, why wait!?!

I have found that each event of ttc is unrelated to my previous experience. So, if you've had trouble before, it might be easy next time. If it was easy before, it might be difficult.

My youngest is turning 3 in 2 months and at this rate, she will not have a sibling close in age to her like my boys do. I was hoping to have a 6 month old by now, but I'm still not pregnant (despite #2 taking only 1 month to conceive, and #3 taking 7 months to conceive).

There's no time like the present. You know it's tough at first, but I love the close age gap. Good luck! (and keep sweet talking your husband)

 

[mum2be38]

Hi poppy - i had my first at 26 (1st cycle), my second at 28 (1st cycle) and am now 38 and remarried..... My husband and I want another baby so ttc in march this year and conceived 1st cycle but sadly had a missed miscarriage in june at 12 weeks. In august we tried again and once again were successful but was a chemical pregnancy as i had all pregnancy symptoms but then AF showed.... So clearly at 38 my fertility hasn't been affected but i think i have been unlucky to miscarry this time around - i had no trouble 10 years ago but now realise how common miscarriages are. All in all only you can know whether you can live with the wait if your 3rd doesnt happen when you want it to. Personally, although the 12 week mmc was devastating at the time (mainly shock as we discovered it at the 12 week scan, and had no symptoms) i am now more relaxed and if it doesn't happen in the next year or so then we will try to move on with our lives and enjoy the two kids we already have - but not everyone will feel that way. I wish you luck in your journey

 

[SWLondonMum]

For those of you ttc over 35, do you think you have a better chance of conceiving if you already have children and had no problem getting pregnant than someone ttc number one over 35?

I know this sounds an odd question, but it's just that we are considering ttc number 3 in a few years time. I am turning 34 this week and ideally would like to ttc number 3 when I am 35/36 but am worried this is leaving things too late. I would not be able to ttc earlier as a) My youngest would still be a baby and b) my hubbie would absolutely flat out refuse to ttc earlier - I think he needs a bit of time where our toddlers are sleeping through the night etc before we had another baby (I would ttc earlier though!). So when we do ttc I would be in this section.

I do worry about declining fertility and problems etc but am wondering what your view is on ttc subsequent children over 35 when you already have children and have had no problems. I conceived both of my children on the first month ttc (one at 30 and one at 33), but realise that things do change the older you get. Does your fertility drastically nose dive at 35 or is it a gradual thing into your 40s? I think it is annoying how when you get into your 30s your are bombarded with negative information - although, I do realise that you need to know the facts about things. I would have liked to have started earlier, but as my DH is three years younger than me, he would not have entertained having kids younger than he was when we had our first (he was 27 when my eldest was born).

I really do want a third child but do feel blessed to have two healthy boys and would still feel blessed if we did not have a third child (OH is still a bit on the fence regarding this, but says that when our youngest turns two he may consider ttc for a third!). I do think that if we do not at least try for a third, I may regret it and feel there is a person missing from our family - I always thought I would have three kids (I am from a family of three kids myself, so maybe that is why?).

Sorry for the long rambling post.

Good luck in your journeys and hope you all get your BFPs really soon.

xxx

Hi Poppy - fertility is such an individual thing that I can only do the same as other posters and give you my thoughts...at the end of the day you and DH have to go with what's right for your family.

Anyway, I'm 38, I conceived DS1 within a few months at 34...we left it until he was 2 to start trying again - I would have tried a bit earlier but DH and I were also going through a stressful time during the recession and didn't feel it was a good time to TTC. When we did TTC, again I got BFP within a few months (aged 37) but m/c at Xmas at 13wks (stopped growing at 5wks).

Since then we've been trying and the m/c has made me a lot more aware/obsessed with symptoms and testing which I never did before. I've been referred faster as over 35 - seeing specialist in 6wks but am hoping I'll be pg already...Of my friends, most conceived quickly in their early 30s except one who had problems and had IVF...second time round there have been more m/c, a still birth and lots of waiting...ironically one of our group in late 30s who DID get pregnant was...yes the one who wasn't even TTC

I can understand DH wanting to wait but can you chat to him about fertility and that it might be harder for you if you leave it? Hopefully it won't be but you should both be prepared in case it is harder (whenever you try) and you may have to have difficult conversations about how much you will try for a 3rd and at what point you will (if at all) give up. I know it all sounds a bit heavy but it's better to at least have that chat now. My DH was also worried about the sleepless nights, despite the fact that he rarely got up (due to his working hours)...guys seem to have different anxieties about babies...being able to provide for them....not liking seeing us go through the hard times of pregnancy, birth and sleepless nights! MY DH is also younger (10yrs....!) but luckily was happy to TTC the first at the same time, but has no urgency about the second - he doesn't feel the age/fertility thing for obvious reasons.

Like you I feel grateful to have my DS and if I really couldn't have another I'd get over it, but I also feel I want 1 more to complete my family and give him a sibling.

Sorry for rambling but I thought I'd share my story and hopefully you can pick out the useful bits

 

[Butterfly67]

Just wanted to add something from someone trying to ttc #1. Although fertility does drop after 35 and that means that you may well have to wait longer for your BFP I think that at least you have the knowledge (particularly when you have a recent baby) that you are at least able to conceive and to carry a child full term so that would count out some problems that others may encounter when ttc #1 that might mean more testing would be needed.

So I think that what I am saying is that yes, it may not be as easy as before and there may be issues but it seems that you would have a better chance than say someone who doesn't know that their body is working properly or not or even if their OH had any issues either.

 

[Seity]

^^
WSS
I came off the pill at 35 to ttc and we got pregnant right away. I knew that would be the case because women in our family are super fertile.
If I ever decide to ttc #2, I have no doubt it'll be just as easy even if I'm 40 when we start trying (I'm 38 now).

 

[Hopefulagain]

It took us 9 months to conceive our 6yr. old daughter. I was 28 at the time and never really considered that I had "problems". Everything that I had read stated that a normal healthy couple should expect to conceive within one year of trying and it did in fact happen within one year. My pregnancy and delivery were picture perfect complete with no morning sickness or anything. I teach high school and never missed one day of work. I worked right up until Friday and delivered that Sunday. Now, I am 35 and we are ttc our second child and in our fifth cycle. Again, I do not know if this means that we are having fertility issue or not at this point.

 

[2ndat40]

Well, every pregnancy is different...even your own pregnancies! I have to say that I think you have a fine chance of conceiving your 3rd. Your 2 previous pregnancies shows that "the plumbing is working" so that's a good thing!

 

[poppy]

Thank you girls for your kind replies. I know me and the hubbie will have to have the talk in a year and a bit when Brannon is nearly two as that will probably be when we start to ttc number three if we do.

I know if it was me, I would probably wait until Brannon was a year and a half and then go for it but I need to make sure my DH is fully on board. I would not want him to feel his being railroaded into a decision he does not want. On the other hand, I don't want to feel like I will regret not having a third baby in ten years or so. It is such a big decison - first baby you don't really think about things too much as you want a baby so badly and the second is the same as most want two children. From what so many people have said to me, it is the third that causes most discussion/debate etc - a lot of people react with horror when I ask if they would consider a third and others say that they are humming and hawing about it. Only a few say they are definately planning a third or fourth. I really hope my hubbie comes round in a year or so.

Good luck with your ttcing girls, I hope you all get your sticky BFPs soon and enjoy your pregnancies and new babies.

xxx

 

[hannah76]

some positivity... my cousin has a daughter who just graduated from high school and a two year old daughter who was conceived right after she got married to her second husband, so it is absolutely possible!! she would have been about 42 at the time