Random question about christenings.

[Twister]

Me and my mum were talking about christenings and she said something that made me wonder. Now me and oh aren't religious at all, neither is my mum really or anyone in mine or oh's family. I told her we weren't planning on getting LO christened when she's here, just because we would feel hypocritical and it wouldn't really mean anything to us. We also like the idea of LO being able to choose when it comes to whether to be part of a religion or not when she's old enough to form her own opinions on that stuff.

My mum said not getting her christened could cause problems when she's older, I asked what she meant and she said getting married??? I find this hard to believe since there must be loads of people who aren't christened who can still get married. I mean marriage is essentially a legal thing, it doesn't have to be a religious event. I don't see how not being christened could cause any problems in later life really tbh but maybe I'm misinformed although i'm sure there are family members who aren't christened and they've never had any problems. So my question is, are there any disadvantages to not getting LO christened? I mean if we wanted to we could just have a naming ceremony or a "welcome to the world" party or something, I just don't feel comfortable getting LO christened for the sake of it.

 

[missbabypo]

Being christened doesn't matter however to be married in a church you have to attend the church for a certain amount of time (in most cases) x

 

[R_x]

I think when she is older she couldn't be a god parent if she hasn't been christened. But there again I guess they would never know if she had been or not

 

[Feltzy]

They've loosened the rules on getting married in the Church of England to encourage people to get married there, so you don't have to be christened, I think its to the vicar's discretion. As above you can't be a godparent if you haven't been baptised, or shouldn't be, but they never check up so I think a lot of people say they have when they haven't.

Catholic Church's are a lot stricter but I don't know all the rules for them.

 

[LouLouBella]

It's the Vicars decision whether he marrys someone or not.

My school was really strict on if you were christian'd or not because it was a CofE school and you got free bus travel there if you were - Looking back it's really unfair but was the only mixed school in my area!

I don't think it could make life difficult later (she can always pretend she is, i don't think they can really find out... or can they??) Has it made your life difficult??

Lou xx

 

[Twister]

Thanks for the replies! I was christened, but it's never really affected or influenced me one way or another, I never went to any CofE schools or anything like that, and as I mentioned earlier my family aren't really religious, none of them go to church regularly or anything. Which is another reason why I'd rather not have one for LO. Just seems like it would be a waste of time and money. If she wants to be christened when she's older then that's fine at least it will be her choice, but I don't see the need to do it when she's a baby.

I think my mum just wants a party for her as well, first grandchild and all that, but I told her we could just have a naming ceremony or a small gathering at home where everyone can 'meet' her when she's a month old or something.

 

[R_x]

I think a naming ceremony is quite expensive? But you don't pay the church when you get LO christened.

 

[Twister]

Tbh I havn't looked into naming ceremonies it's just something I knew was an alternative to christenings so used it as an example. We probably won't do anything like that, maybe just a small afternoon party at home with close friends or family when she's a few months old.

 

[Vesta]

I was never christened and it has never caused me any problems. I even went to a CoE School. I would never agree to be a godmother as I'm an atheist and I don't think it would be right. So no problems there! LO won't be getting christened either.

 

[LuckyYem]

I was never christened and it has never caused me any problems. I even went to a CoE School. I would never agree to be a godmother as I'm an atheist and I don't think it would be right. So no problems there! LO won't be getting christened either.

^^ wss except I didn't go to CoE school.

 

[Chezzz]

Our LO is not being christened. I attend christenings of friends children, and family. but we dont go to church. and I havent been christened as my mum had the same opinion.. its hypocritical since were not religious.

OH's family were a bit disappointed since his mum and family are catholic. but OH doesnt believe, and thats what made our choice..


She can always lie if she has problems getting married in a church.. I wouldnt have a problem since im not religious i dont wanna get married in a church? so I guess it works out?

Were thinking of having a big family get together when hes here since alot of OH's family live in Ireland.

 

[smokey]

Depends on the church tbh, for the church we where married in we both had to provide proof that A: hubby was baptised in that church (they had that on their own records and B: that I was christened and provide proof from the church I was christened in which was a pain because it was a miltary church and had been demolished 20 odd years ago so I had to contact military records and track down where they where kept (military dont like answering questions about their barrack chaple records)

We then had to get permision from the bishop to marry as I wasnt catholic.

Churches acctualy do keep records of baptism and christenings and if they want you to proov it then you have to get a copy of your certificate so if they do get funny its not just a simple case of lieing about it.

So yes some religious marriages can cause problems if your not christened but I dont know if thats a common thing or just our church.

 

[discoclare]

Depends on the denomination.

In C of E you do not have to be Christened to get married in the church.
https://www.churchofengland.org/weddings-baptisms-funerals/weddings.aspx

Baptist, Methodist, Roman Catholic etc have their own rules. OH is RC and his uncle is a priest and they usually want you to be Christened and confirmed. If only one of you is and the other is non-catholic (but christened into another christian denomation) then you need permission from the bishop which is usually very straightforward. If one of you in catholic christened and confirmed and the other is non-christian or christian but never christened / baptised then you need special dispensation from the bishop and this can be a bit harder, but is also usually granted in the end.

 

[smokey]

Another thing if marrying a catholic as well is you have sign a agreement to raise your children in the catholic faith before they will marry you.
Again they may have just been our church but I got the impression that was pretty common.

All this though is speculation about something that isnt going to be a issue for many years yet and may never even be a issue and only realy is a problem if the partner may be religious or want to marry in a family church.
They can always get themselves christened later if it comes to it

 

[supertabby]

I'm not christened but was married in a CofE church and had Isobel christened there. Her godparents are all christened but the vicar didn't ask for their certificates or details. We did attend the church but it wasn't a stipulation of getting married there, we'd both lived in the parish and therefore met the criteria. Our vicar knew I wasn't christened. I'm agnostic (ie unsure about my faith) while hubby is a Christian. We decided to give Isobel some form of faith background but encourage her to question things when she's old enough, and we'll support her in whatever choices she makes. It is each to their own so you should stand by whatever you want for your child.

 

[tallybee]

I was never christened - my children haven't been either. I can't understand doing a religious ceremony if you aren't religious I am married. If you aren't religious then why would you want a religious wedding. My kids can make their own decisions when they are old enough.

 

[J04NN4]

Officially to get married in church or be a god parent you have to be christened into that faith. In practice they're rarely that strict though - and even if they were, your daughter could make her own decision to get christened as an adult.

My OH isn't christened and it hasn't affected him at all - and if it had he would have got himself christened into the faith that he, as an adult, made an informed choice to join. Stick to your guns!