Rant about unfairness!

[baileybubs]

Ok sorry about this but I just need to rant.

Most of the time I'm fine about the fact that my lazy selfish ex can't be bothered with his kids and won't even pay child support properly. But every now and again I just get upset about how unfair it all is and how much it sucks that no one seems to give a shit that he can behave this way!!

I don't think anyone has even tried telling him what a selfish lazy jackass he is being and of course I can't say it coz id just come across as the bitter ex who's trying to pick a fight.

He won't come and see his kids and blames me coz I won't let him see them on his day off (Wednesday's, I gave him chance after chance for several months until I had no choice but to put them in nursery on Wednesdays coz he kept cancelling). He works full time and earns more money than me yet refuses to pay the amount CSA have told him to because he says he can't afford it. I can't work full time coz I can't afford the nursery fees for 5 days so I have to stick to part time, yet he thinks he is the one that can't afford to give money to his children!!

He hasn't asked how his kids are for over a month now because he's been skipping child support payments and he is such a coward he'd rather not speak to me at all than ask how his kids are and risk me asking why he's not been giving any money.

I love my children with every fibre of my being and I cannot understand how their own father can be so lazy and selfish that he can't even be bothered asking his boss to let him have a Friday morning off every now and again to see his kids. Or jump on a train on his day off and just see his kids for an hour when they finish nursery.

As their mother, if I abandoned them with their father and didn't have anything to do with them I would be vilified! Yet for a man it seems as though it's ok for them to do it and they can just tell everyone it's the "evil" mother of the kids who won't let him see them, when the reality is I've virtually begged him to see them at one point but he chose to go out drinking and spent the last of his money on beer and fags so couldn't afford the train fare.
Then he also has the cheek to say to me that he'd see his kids if I weren't so "hell bent on getting petrol money" for driving them to him (he lives about 20 miles away).

Argh!! It's so unfair that he can just drop all responsibility for being a father ad I'm left alone to make all decisions, care for them whenever they are sick, get up with them every night when they wake crying, get up at 6am every day with them and pay for everything for them whilst trying to also hold down my own part time job.

Ok rant over, thanks for reading!

 

[Larkspur]

You're a better person than I am. If I were you, that would be my Facebook status.

 

[tallybee]

Hear hear. It's tragic that so many kids are dropped like this by their so called dads. You're doing amazing. Your kids are luck to have a mummy like you xx

 

[Topanga053]

Hi hun,

Call him out on it!!!!! Who cares if you sound like a bitter ex?? If my DH ever behaved like that, I couldn't give a damn what he thought I sounded like -- I would want him to know how unacceptable his behavior was!!

And as far as child support, you're in another country than me, but can CSA forcefully collect it from him? Our agencies here can garnish wages, etc. I would be pushing for that. You deserve financial support from him for raising HIS kids!! He helped create them, so he can help feed them! And if he's working full-time then there is just no excuse for his non-support. And to complain that you want gas money! Unreal!

Seriously, I would not wait for anyone else to call him selfish. I would be doing it myself!!

 

[daneuse27]

You're right, there's a huge double standard. One of my friends is dating a man who's wife up and left him with the kids. They talk about how "crazy" she is because of what she's done; it occurred to me then men do stuff like this quite often and are not vilified anywhere near to the same degree we are.

You sound like a strong person, hang in there and keep being that superhero for your kids. Your ex sounds like nothing less than a crazy loser, and I am sure there must be some legal action you can take to force him to pay up. I've heard in some cases, it comes right out of their salary.

 

[stephx]

Sounds like a dick! My ex is in prison so obviously no money or contact. The way I look at it the kids will realise who's been there for them and who hasn't. You seem like a great mum.

I would go to the CSA and get them to take maintenance direct from his earnings

 

[tallybee]

Yeah I am sure the maintenance service can help. I'm sure I read that they take a cut now though. Which makes it all the more pathetic when some guys would rather the kids get less when they could've just provided for them anyway without having to use the service!

 

[baileybubs]

Hi ladies, thanks for all the replies. I have currently got child maintainence on the case which will take them a few months to process. He's now started messaging saying he'll be paying properly again from next week (clearly csa have spoken to him or his boss and now he wants to avoid paying extra!) but too late came the cry i say! He keeps telling me he couldn't afford to pay properly until now coz he was moving house and had debts to pay off. I don't get how he can't comprehend that his kids welfare comes before moving house and paying off debts! But it boils down to the fact he knows they'll never go short coz I won't let that happen, the only person that loses out is me which is what he doesn't care. I'm sure he thinks I want the child support payments so I can get my hair done and buy myself new clothes or something!

I asked once again if he's gonna see the kids, but his concern seems only to be the money. He said he's trying to get time off. Hes been saying that since February when he last saw them.

And Larkspur I was very tempted the other day to put something in my status about it! I actually had a convo on there today with some of my friends asking if he sees them so I made a point of saying no and that I've never stopped him in hope one of his family may see it, but then I'm sure they won't say anything to him anyway. They don't seem to care about his behaviour. If it were my son I'd be marching him to his kids and making him empty his pockets, and I'd be offering to babysit. But his parents have simply said that they don't want to get involved but they still see the kids every now and again.