Really miss cuddles / intimacy

[whatwillbe]

Don't really know the point of this thread, but I feel soo lonely, unattractive, unloved , I really miss having a cuddle, sharing my bed , although I never lived with fob but even for the occasional night, I just miss the company and physical contact.
I'm now resigned to being alone forever, I'm 31 so not getting any younger I have 4 kids, 3 by one fob and my little baby due dec by another man , I can't see any man wanting to be with me for the long haul , except for a bit of fun.
Then I imagine him and his ex together all happy and it kills me, makes me think he never actually liked me, never actually fancied me , I never meant a thing to him
I know I don't need a man in my life but the thought of being alone or just being used again makes me not want to get involved with any man ever again x

 

[Jennifurball]

I feel exactly the same. I feel like used goods now. Although that makes me sound awful, I love my daughter more than anything but I do worry it will put most men off, dating is hard enough. I also think it will be very hard to trust a man after my last relationship. I agree with you about being alone in bed, I even have Scarlett in bed with me some nights just so I don't feel so alone when I wake up, I hated looking at an empty side of the bed. It is hard but we will get through it.

 

[whatwillbe]

It is a horrible feeling and there probably are some good men out there that won't mind about your past or the fact you have kids, it's just finding them and knowing if you can trust them, if I ever meet another man , it's not going to be easy to trust at all x

 

[JennyBLove]

Hi ladies, I feel the same too ...my fob and I were ttc and had issues right before I found out I was and now hes moved out, no longer around but to stop by n do laundry or shower. Hes living down the street with friends n only will love the baby. I feel so alone, helpless, unwanted, n hurt bad. I hate hearing things will get better cuz its not now, n is going to take alot of time. I already had horrible relationships before and now that fob doesnt want a real family with me n baby, im more crushed. I moved to this state for him n his work, quit mine months ago, n now im stranded here, no way around, no people I know, n just alone, n can only talk to people in home state. Feeling so low nothings fun, dont feel like cleaning only sleeping n eating. Sucks, :/ I just cant imagine another 7 months in this state of sadness. For me n babies sake. All he tell me is "ull get thru this" but last thing I wanna hear from him. Just a rant, can only take day at a time.

 

[whatwillbe]

Is there anyway you can move back to your home state Hun ? I know it's probably expensive but do you have any family that could maybe put you up until you get back on your feet ? Your gonna need support around you, and I don't think it's any good being so close to fob , when he is no support to you, it's just going to be a constant reminder for you, so sorry your going through this, I feel the same all my motivation to do anything seems to have gone and just seems like nothing will be good again but I do think it will eventually, it's just gonna take time

 

[JennyBLove]

Thanks, yeah family cant help, and hes paying my rent now, but worried sinxe lease ends in 7 mnths. Gonna suck but yeah if I go back there will be just as hard!! Im on my own but only have people to talk too. Yeah I believe will take alot of time!! Ur naby due soon, hope all goes well, it scares me to yhthink of birth!!!

 

[jaytee146]

I have been truly honest with myself and I know based on how bad the relationship I was in went. I honestly shouldn't date for a while. I've taken steps for me and started counseling to help deal with issues I've been putting off and I'm honestly not looking.

Don't get me wrong, I have days where I think wow! Or I see other couples who "appear" to have it all and I get a little emotional and jealous, but those emotions drive me to want and to do better for my lo... it makes me remember the front that I myself put on with fob and how unhappy and angry I was, (I still get very angry ) Trust me I know how you feel going through a pregnancy and feeling like you are the only one who wants your child and having to deal with that alone is a bit much. If you need to cry get it out! if you need to write.. WRITE IT DOWN, but deal with it and start to move on, take it day by day, moment by moment, and when you're weak and don't think you can go on that's what we're all here for

 

[whatwillbe]

Thanks, yeah family cant help, and hes paying my rent now, but worried sinxe lease ends in 7 mnths. Gonna suck but yeah if I go back there will be just as hard!! Im on my own but only have people to talk too. Yeah I believe will take alot of time!! Ur naby due soon, hope all goes well, it scares me to yhthink of birth!!!

Sorry Hun, it's hard being alone and it's worse not having that family support there, I'm kind of in the same situation, I moved over an hours drive away from most of my fam and friends, so hardly see anyone at all, apart from talking on the phone which isn't the same, but you know , it will make you a stronger person in the long run, it's taught me , the only person I can really rely on is myself, an you just have to keep on going , I hope things get better for you

 

[whatwillbe]

I have been truly honest with myself and I know based on how bad the relationship I was in went. I honestly shouldn't date for a while. I've taken steps for me and started counseling to help deal with issues I've been putting off and I'm honestly not looking.

Don't get me wrong, I have days where I think wow! Or I see other couples who "appear" to have it all and I get a little emotional and jealous, but those emotions drive me to want and to do better for my lo... it makes me remember the front that I myself put on with fob and how unhappy and angry I was, (I still get very angry ) Trust me I know how you feel going through a pregnancy and feeling like you are the only one who wants your child and having to deal with that alone is a bit much. If you need to cry get it out! if you need to write.. WRITE IT DOWN, but deal with it and start to move on, take it day by day, moment by moment, and when you're weak and don't think you can go on that's what we're all here for

Thanks jaytee , I do feel like that when I see other couples sometimes, and I don't honestly think I'm ready to get involved with anyone right now either, I just miss being important to someone, and he used to give such nice cuddles I guess they were fake though, now I think back I fell for a stranger, the way he is now is the total opposite of how I knew him, and I moth start a diary or something just to vent because when I've been really down, I've been testing him messages and they've been really nasty and crazy ones, to the point he got the police on me and I just end up feeling worse in myself.
Have you started your counseling yet ? And has it helped any ? , I've been under the psychiatrist at the hospital and he has refered me for counciling but I'm still waiting to hear about it, thanks Hun x

 

[Rhio92]

I feel like that all the time xx

 

[whatwillbe]

It's horrible isn't it Hun, I miss what I had with fob and to think it's over forever is not nice, vie had men offering to take me out / get to know me but I'm just not interested in any other man right now, and in my mind they will all end up letting me down anyway x

 

[JennyBLove]

Yeahits really hard alone. If he doesnt lay rent this month ill be out on street n has given me no chance to get on my feet!! Dont know what hes doing or lieing about anymore n dont even know him anymore. Inly been two mobths not even. He wants me to find a diff place n take bus n find jobs in middle of winter. N yes sucks knowing u only have yourself...takes all innocence away. :/. Hes the love of my life too n its so hard n hurtful. Id go to councling too but no vehicle right now

Thanks, yeah family cant help, and hes paying my rent now, but worried sinxe lease ends in 7 mnths. Gonna suck but yeah if I go back there will be just as hard!! Im on my own but only have people to talk too. Yeah I believe will take alot of time!! Ur naby due soon, hope all goes well, it scares me to yhthink of birth!!!

Sorry Hun, it's hard being alone and it's worse not having that family support there, I'm kind of in the same situation, I moved over an hours drive away from most of my fam and friends, so hardly see anyone at all, apart from talking on the phone which isn't the same, but you know , it will make you a stronger person in the long run, it's taught me , the only person I can really rely on is myself, an you just have to keep on going , I hope things get better for you

 

[Debydoo81]

Hi there! I'm new to the site after looking for advice on this very subject. I'm based in the UK and 27 weeks with my first. I'm not with the father but we are and have been good friends for the past 15 years and on most days get on fine. Last night though he was really insensitive and I just went to town on him. He asked how I was feeling and when I said that all I could do with just now is a cuddle and to be told everything would be ok he gave me a big lecture on how we aren't a couple and cuddles are coupley things....he totally took something that I said and twisted it around to something it really wasn't. I meant what I said in a general context, that I wanted a reassuring hug and words, it could've been from anyone with the way I was feeling not him specifically. Since when did that mean I think we're a couple? I said from the day I told him that I didn't expect anything relationship wise from him and that I would be happier if we concentrtated on supporting each other and being friends rather than force a relationship because of the baby - it would never work out and we both said that if it's something thats meant to be then we would rather it was becuase we wanted to rather than felt we should do. I still stand by that 100% and have told him repeatedly over the past 4 months just that.....we go through phases of being ok, spending a bit of time together as friends (usually a dvd, takeaway and catch up with each other) and then he goes all weird and stops contact. When asked, he says that hes confused and thinks I want more.....HOW???? I have never said or done anything to give that impression....is it so bad to want to stay in touch with him? I don't want to not see or hear from him between now and when the baby is here and he knows that, we've both talked about it and agree that we want it to be as easy and honest as possible. I don't get him at all and I spend most of my time worrying that hes sitting there thinking Im forcing something. He says I can talk to him about my feelings anytime but I clearly can't as last night proves, I mean, I'm scared of telling him my feelings as he takes it to mean that I want to walk up the aisle with him!!!!! ....I know I shouldnt worry and no doubt I'm over reacting due to pregnancy hormones (honestly, if I hear that one more time....I'm still human with normal human feelings after all) but I can't help it, it's who I am, I care too much for my own good! It's hard trying to convince myself to let it all go and concentrate on doing this myself. I think it's harder because we're old friends, if it was some random guy then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Hope you are all well

 

[Danie1stbaby]

Ladies,there are too many rules for women with children and without children.Just live your life~You want to date,then date~ Most men are pigs but not all of them.I have yet to meet a good one lol I know it has to be a few out there...I'm praying.It's hard and a lot of work to trust again,will take a lot of action and not words to make me trust again.Having children does not mean it's the end,go out and live.I just made up my mind,I want to live and love again.Being a mom makes me happy,but a mom with goals accomplished and love,will make me even happier.My daughter deserves a family~ Nothing wrong with wanting a family,just be open minded and make it happen♥It takes time.....

 

[JennyBLove]

Deby> yeah men say thyll be supportive will the emotional part but they have no idea. Mines being there financially n somewhat otherways, but since its so early in breaking it off n being pregnant of course it difficult n not as easy as simply saying life will go on, takes time to heal n grow! deby seems he just maybe is scared, is it his first? If uve made it clear ur not expecting anything then I dont see what the deal is with him. N as a friend he should ynderstand ur going through alot now in many ways. I too want the love support too. Doesnt have to mean ur with me.

 

[Dezireey]

Well my brother married a woman with three kids by three different men and he has a boy of his own. His wife was crap at choosing partners and got dumped on by all three FOB's. So, it can happen and it's all a mind set. Perhaps wanting a super good looking, single, wealthy, lovely young man might be stretching it lol so I kinda think, well, when I was single myself I wasn't all that keen on getting involved with a man with kids. Now it wouldn't bother me at all and maybe those are the types of guys to give a chance as they are single parents too. And if they love and see their own child/ children and get on with their ex, there is a big chance they wont turn out to be another FOB loser. Get your pen and paper out and write down the list of do's and donts and don't accept anything less. I don't even want to enter into any flirting with a guy that doesn't like kids or won't date a woman with kids. There are lots of nice guys out there who fall in love with women with kids, it's just a case of being positive and motivated and finding them!