Really need advice on whether to start TTC!

[GingerPirate]

So my other half and I are both absolutely DYING for a little one. He's more than ready to make the jump into TTC, but I'm still really scared. I'm always overly anxious and indecisive, so it's naturally a really hard thing for me to be certain about.

I'm 22 and my other half is 26. We aren't married on paper, by choice, but we are a very stable, happy couple. The only thing that we feel is missing is a little one to love. We are planning on doing a handfasting ceremony because neither of us feel that a traditional wedding is right for us. Our families are not thrilled about our choice, and that makes the decision even harder.

I just wanted to ask if anyone has any opinions about what to do. I've been obsessing over it for weeks!

 

[1Casey27]

In my opinion, I think you should go for it. You two love each other and are in a committed relationship. That's all that matters. A piece of paper doesn't matter. Good luck to you both.

 

[Button#]

As long as you've considered all the implications of having a baby, financial, how it will change your life completely, how it could affect your relationship, how you will handle problems, sleep deprivation etc and you both want a baby then go for it. Marital status doesn't indicate readiness.

If I were in your position I would have a read through the baby boards and discuss some of the threads you come across with your OH to check you're on the same page regarding raising a child. You may change your mind when you're actually parents but it's best to have a vague idea of what sort of parenting style you are aiming for. For example me and OH are both anti sleep training for our family and so we have been able to support each other through sleep deprivation, we discussed how we felt about it before I got pregnant.

 

[Celesse]

We got married when our kids where almost 3 and 13 months. It has made no difference to our relationship. Having kids did though, as I'm sure it would in or outside of marriage. We had a quick registry office wedding and then a Handfasting afterwards.

I don't think anyone can make that decision but yourselves. I can't really imagine having had kids at 22 myself as back then I was more focused on work and social life, but if you feel that your at the comfy settled part of your life and won't be missing out then why not.

 

[GingerPirate]

A little more information about the situation here, we're not really concerned about a marriage certificate because we think that a piece of paper doesn't have anything to do with whether or not we want to spend our lives together, and it's really nice to hear some support on that.

This isn't a quick decision for us. We decided to wait a year or more ago because it just wasn't practical where we were in life. Now, we both have salaried jobs that we love, and hours that facilitate baby raising. We have decided that daycare is a better option for us than one parent staying home because neither of us want to leave our careers, either now or later. We have put a lot of thought into how we want to raise our child(ren). I know that what we think is going to change as time goes by, but we have a pretty well developed idea of how we want to go about it. Together we have moved, lost jobs, been broke, been separated (military), and been worked to death.

I think my biggest conflict is that neither of our families support our decision about how we want to live our lives. I know it probably shouldn't bother me as much as it should, but i really hate that they refuse to support us for no good reason. We're thinking now that instead of having a handfasting ceremony with our families, we may just take a trip by ourselves and do it with just us.

I don't know sorry about the novel

 

[Button#]

It must be tough having no support from your families but it's your lives and you should do what works for you two. If you would regret not having family at your hand fasting ceremony I would go ahead and have them there. It might be that they don't understand what's involved and they might change their minds seeing how special it is.

 

[GingerPirate]

It must be tough having no support from your families but it's your lives and you should do what works for you two. If you would regret not having family at your hand fasting ceremony I would go ahead and have them there. It might be that they don't understand what's involved and they might change their minds seeing how special it is.

I think i would really regret having a ceremony and knowing that my family is there but they don't want to be. They disagree with it because it isn't traditional and "right." It feels like they would rather us be unhappy and do things their way than be happy doing what works for us.

It's really scary to know that our family doesn't want to support us. But I'm really starting to think that worrying about it is never going to help and we should just go ahead and do what makes us happy.

 

[GingerPirate]

It must be tough having no support from your families but it's your lives and you should do what works for you two. If you would regret not having family at your hand fasting ceremony I would go ahead and have them there. It might be that they don't understand what's involved and they might change their minds seeing how special it is.

I think i would really regret having a ceremony and knowing that my family is there but they don't want to be. They disagree with it because it isn't traditional and "right." It feels like they would rather us be unhappy and do things their way than be happy doing what works for us.

It's really scary to know that our family doesn't want to support us. But I'm really starting to think that worrying about it is never going to help and we should just go ahead and do what makes us happy.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

Ur families might not be mad keen on ur choices but its ur life and they will learn to live with it. They may not be happy when u first get pregnant but by the end they will be as happy as u and will love the baby, if they don't then sorry to say but they aren't worth worry about. At the end of the day its ur life and u have to do what's right for u and ur oh, it will be hard to start with without support but ppl get thru it and u only need each other. Although Il have support in the mental sense I won't have it physically because we don't live near our families so it will just be us raising a baby and it will he harder than those who have ppl around to help but were fine with that xx

 

[AniMo2202]

The thing is,family is very important in life,but sometimes the family you're born into isn't the only one you get to have in life.You and your OH being together,means you're already starting your new family together.I know you say a piece of paper doesn't mean anything to you,but yoy can have any type of cereminy you please,but being legally married would just make things easier for your future kids.And trust me,getting that marriage licence doesn't need to take centre stage,the whole thing about getting married is about celebrating your love and togetherness.

 

[DobbyForever]

I have a saying I tell my students. If you habe to ask if you can do something then something inside of you is telling you it's not right so the answer is probably no.

However, this sounds like societal pressure. Date, get married, have stable jobs, buy a white pocket fence house, and then have babies. 21st century, do what you want and forget everyone else. It's you and OH who decide if you are ready.

But back to my original point, having a baby is amazing. You want to feel comfortable and enjoy sharing that news. If you feel guilty about it then maybe you should be more NTNP than hardcore TTC

 

[DobbyForever]

As for family. I love my mom. She is my best friend. Everything I do is to make her proud.

When I was 21, I got pregnant. My oh at the time was an abusive drunk, but I wanted to keep the baby. My best friend called me a selfish b looking for attention, my mom yelled at me and we didn't talk for a week. Then, she called me. Even though everyone else still wouldn't even acknowledge my existence my mom flew to my house, stayed with me for a few days, and told me I was her daughter. Nothing would keep her from loving me or being there for me. Even now. She thinks I settled with DH, I'm too young to have a baby, and blah blah... But at the end of her rant, she says she supports me, will love her grandchild, but not be a built in babysitter haha

There might be a falling out, but it shouldn't last