Really Sad lately!

[Garnet]

I lost my baby on December 17th and I seem to be okay one day then the next I'm breaking down. I think of him everyday and miss being pregnant and his kicking. I just hope he is okay in Heaven!! About two weeks ago, I finally was able to see the world with out the gray cloud over it. Everything prior to that the world seem to have a gray cast over everything. This was our 3rd MC and Taylor made it 17.5 weeks. I turned 44 this month and I was not excited at all. So sad and can't decide if this is our TTC journey is over but two psychics say that I'm going to have a little girl who will be concieved in March/April. I just don't know anymore...

 

[jojo23]

Hi hun, firstly im so so sorry for your loss. its a devastating thing to go through and i cant imagine the pain you went through losing each little angel.

i lost Lily last feb and i had days like you, one day i would be fine and think im moving on and the next day i would be so overcome it would be hard to breath. i still have days where this black cloud comes over me and i cant shake it...

all i can say is every day gets a little easier and talking through your feelings no matter how silly they may seem really helps... i remember days feeling so overwhelmed and thinking to myself god i cant tell anyone this they'll think im crazy. but they didnt, they totally understood and i didnt feel so lost when i had support.

the ladies here are truely amazing, my life has changed in so many ways thanks to these girls. they have shaped me since the day i first found this forum. we've shared tears laughter and everything in between.

no one call tell you if you should keep going ttc but all i will say is follow your heart completely hun and dont rush into any decisions... you will know when the time is right to make them! and when you do we're here for any support you need!

Always here if you need anything! thinking of all your angels in heaven xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. It is just a horrible thing to go through, it is so hard
I am going to be 42 in June and I will start trying in March, I am petrified. I am more scared of not trying again. I think you should definitely keep trying and you will get your beautiful baby..
I am so sorry for your losses. I had one and it has taken me almost 11 months to get better, I can't imagine having 3 losses
Never give up, it will happen.. We are all here for you

 

[amanda83]

So sorry for your loss. I truly believe it's one of the hardest things a person can go through but you seem very strong, if you wern't you wouldn't have kept trying.
Chin up doll, I'm sure great things will happen for you
xo

 

[dancareoi]

I lost my baby on December 17th and I seem to be okay one day then the next I'm breaking down. I think of him everyday and miss being pregnant and his kicking. I just hope he is okay in Heaven!! About two weeks ago, I finally was able to see the world with out the gray cloud over it. Everything prior to that the world seem to have a gray cast over everything. This was our 3rd MC and Taylor made it 17.5 weeks. I turned 44 this month and I was not excited at all. So sad and can't decide if this is our TTC journey is over but two psychics say that I'm going to have a little girl who will be concieved in March/April. I just don't know anymore...

Hi, i am so sorry for your loss, it is devasating to go through this. I agree with anypanda6570, the thought of not trying again scares me more too.
When i had my first MMC in july 09, I already had a boy and girl 4, I was devasted but became pregnant again 2 months later, but started having bleeding. the doctor tried to make me feel better, she said " 1 in 4 pregnancies and in miscarriage, you have already had your 1 in 4 " i know its only statistics but she was right. the bleeding was due to a blood lot and my little boy was born May 10.
I was 40 last august and desperately want to try again - I am thinking of statistics again - 1 in 2 pregnancies over 40 ends in miscarriage, I have had my 1 in 2, so hopefully that will be true.
You have definately had your 1 in 2, and with the psychics saying you will have a girl it might be worth giving it another go.
Everyone copes differently, there is no right or wrong way of coping and no right or wrong thing to do, it`s whatever feels right for you and you OH.
Lots of hugs and good wishes and I hope you get your longed for LO.

 

[Bride2b]

I'm sorry for your loss too. Its so very hard losing a baby when you think your are in the 'safe' zone.

Regarding trying again, the journey is only over if you let it be over. It sounds like you want to give it one last go. My question is would you regret not trying again? If so then I think there is your answer.

We are all scared about trying again. Many ladies on here who are expecting their rainbows are really scared, its only natural as the whole magic of pregnancy has been taken away. I am scared to try again, I dont have any children so I dont even know if I can carry to full term which really terrifies me. I only made it to 19 weeks + 3, I have to overcome my fears and take each day as it comes.

Good luck on what ever you decide.

 

[dancareoi]

I agree, one this has happened to you, pregnancy does lose it`s magic.
I had MMC in July 09 and got pregnant again Sept 09. I was worried and scared, especially when at 6-7 weeks i started bleeding. Doctor sent me to hospital where they scanned me, there was a little bean with a heartbeat. However i have a heartshaped womb, baby was in one side and there was a blood clot in the other, not serious but was advised I would bleed again. a few days later I started bleeding so heavily it was like a tap had been turned on. I had a scan booked at 9 weeks,the time went so slowly.
Scan revealed little bean was fine and the bleeding had been due to the blood clot, which was still there but had reduced in size.
Luckily i didn`t bleed again and scan at 12-13 weeks showed baby was fine and blood clot had gone.
However I spent the next 6 months constantly worrying until the day he was born.
I decided then that I couldnt go through all that worry again and didnt want any more (i had 3 now anyway)
However, as time went on i did get broody again although OH said we wern`t having any more.
I turned 40 in August and find myself pregnant in october. I was worried sick the whole time that something would go wrong.
I was having a nuchal scan at a private clinic on 8th dec, the week before at about 11-12 weeks I had t go there for a blood test. I told the guy how worried I was and he did a quick scan there and then which showed the heart beating - relived for a while.
Then worried again until we had scan a week later - but all was good - relief again.
I thought I could feel baby moving a little so was comforted by that. However started to worry again on the run up to check up on 9th jan - where the worst had happened - no heartbeat.
Despite all this I want to try again - I know i will be constant worry for the whole time, but if I can get my LO at the end it will be worth it. The thought of not trying again scares me more.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do - I hope everything works out for you. xxxxxxx

 

[Garnet]

I know i will be constant worry for the whole time, but if I can get my LO at the end it will be worth it. The thought of not trying again scares me more.

This is my double edged sword!!!