Reception - Update Not Settling

[Babybump87]

DD1 started receiption this week following on front the same school nursery .

She made a few good friends who she played with everyday . They have now been moved into a class together and DD1 is in a different class with all new kids .

She came home today upset that these children are not in her class and she misses them .

Question is (I know it's really really early days ) but would you consider moving her into that class or leave her. The children she is with now will be in the same class until she leaves they all just move up a year together

I'm torn on what to do! Any advice appreciated

Thanks all !

 

[Sarahcake]

I'm in the same position. My son's new teachers came to our house and asked who he was really good friends with so we told them a few, and made special mention to a certain friend.

Well, these friends have all been kept together in one class and Logan has been left seperate to them all in a second class.

I was really worried and wondered if I was able to ask the school to change him over but I thought I would do the trial period (3 weeks at staggered starts) and he's actually doing ok. He sees his friends at play time and eats his school dinners with them at lunch.

See how she gets on first maybe and then if it continues to upset her like it is at the moment have a word with the teacher and see what can be done about it. I hope she settles soon x

 

[Babybump87]

That's exactly our situation . She made really good friends with two of the children and even the teacher comment on their friendship . To seperate them doesn't make sense to me really but then I think they probably don't want children to get too attached to another child ?! . Why they ask you who their friends are god knows lol . It's confusing enough for them as it is !

She's been ok so far no crying etc and seems really happy to go into school just keeps asking why she's not with her friends which makes me feel sad .

We are going to see how she settles and if she's still the same going to ask to move her ! I have no idea how that will work out ! .

Thanks for your reply . Hope your little boy enjoys school ! X

 

[Quartz]

My daughter had this, her preschool friends (4) all moved into one class, she into another with 2 girls from her preschool, one she did not (and still does not get on with) the other had only been at the preschool for a term. At the beginning was tough but actually she pretty quickly made friends with 2 girls in her class and 4 years later they are still pretty inseparable.

At the end of infants they did a move around and she is now with her 4 preschools friends and she has become good friends with them again and her friendship group has increased (expensive for parties)

 

[Babybump87]

Thanks Quartz that's really helpful . I'm so glad your DD had loads of friends expensive though!!

It wouldn't be as bad if she didn't keep saying she misses her friends . She's very outgoing and will play and talk to anyone ! . She still gets to play with her other friends at lunch and playtime but she said it's not long enough ! .

There's a meeting next week in the school anyway found out tonight so maybe I will get to know some more parents and their children better !

Where all out of our comfort zones at the minute! x

 

[MindUtopia]

I would leave her and give her time to get settled. My daughter went to a nursery not attached to her school. She did know two other children from nursery who are in her class, one is a good friend, but her other close friends all went to a different school in a neighbouring village. She was sad and talks about missing them and said she wants them to all be together in the same school, but realstically I just sort of accept that this is part of change. She will adjust and make more new friends and we've talked about how we will invite them to her birthday party so she'll see them soon. Could you organise a playdate with them on day after school?

 

[Babybump87]

Thanks mindutopia .

I had a word today with the teacher and she said DD1 plays with everyone and has not once been on her own . She's not cried in fact total opposite she said just really happy . Which I was overjoyed to hear . She's joined in everything svd is even eating the school meals !! She's really surprised me there lol !
She came home today and said she's made friends and playing outside with them .

We have also said to DD about inviting new friends to her birthday and play dates! It's just all change but after speaking with the teacher I am more at ease and confident she will have loads of friends .

I hope your DD makes loads of new friends too mindutopia xx

 

[c1403]

Not sure if your DC school is the same...my DD has two reception classes (she is not with her best friend) they do still combine the two classes for play based activity throughout the day. They spend a hour or so the morning and afternoon separate then are together the rest of the time....

 

[Babybump87]

Not sure if your DC school is the same...my DD has two reception classes (she is not with her best friend) they do still combine the two classes for play based activity throughout the day. They spend a hour or so the morning and afternoon separate then are together the rest of the time....

This is exactly what our school does too . Which I didn't really know until I spoke to the teacher ! Although this week the classes have been kept apart!

I'm a lot less stressed now lol

How's your DD getting on !?

Thanks everyone ! X

 

[Babybump87]

Hoping for more advice please !

We are having inconsolable crying every night before bed , randomly saying she doesn't want to go, crying and just generally anxious and upset at home ,Which is heartbreaking to see her so upset. She told me the other night she couldn't stop crying and she's only 4 ! We only get half way home and she's already saying about school the next day then that's it for the evening constant reassurance needed .

I've spoke to the teacher two days ago and expressed my concerns and she basically tried to fob me off and say well she is fine in school and is not a bit of bother . Although I have now found out she was given a sticker in school because she was crying !! DD is saying she is scared in school and tries to tell the teacher but they don't listen .

I told the teacher I wasn't feeling reassured which was basically met with a what do you want me to do feeling . This is the same teacher she had for nursery so we know each other pretty well. She assures me she would tell me at the end of the day if she was upset etc .

There's been a few incidents of a boy giving her a Chinese burn on her wrist and she was crying and told the teacher . Next day I mentioned it to the teaching assistant who said to my DD in a harsh tone "well you shouldn't be going home and telling
Mummy" and my DD replied that she told the proper teacher to which the teaching assistant replied " well it's been dealt with go on the carpet " my DD walked away head down looking for a space to sit ! Now I'm sorry but WTF !! I'm still livid . I brought this up with the proper teacher later that day and mentioned I felt so sad for DD I felt like bringing her home to which she replied " you can't do that she legal has to be here and we will prosecute you being so arsey !" I was like wtf again lol ... fuming !

Now she's saying some another kid keeps saying nasty things to her and pulling her hair !! I feel like she's the easy target at the minute for some older kids .

She is just not the same kid who I put in reception. Question is how else can I help her settle apart from reassuring her all the time and how long would you leave it before speaking again to school . Half term is three weeks away .

I just can't bear to see her this upset and anxious !! Any advice appreciated !! I am still very much annoyed with the conversation I had with the teacher although I have seen her since and she is all happy and smiley to me. X

 

[kirstybumx3]

Hoping for more advice please !

We are having inconsolable crying every night before bed , randomly saying she doesn't want to go, crying and just generally anxious and upset at home ,Which is heartbreaking to see her so upset. She told me the other night she couldn't stop crying and she's only 4 ! We only get half way home and she's already saying about school the next day then that's it for the evening constant reassurance needed .

I've spoke to the teacher two days ago and expressed my concerns and she basically tried to fob me off and say well she is fine in school and is not a bit of bother . Although I have now found out she was given a sticker in school because she was crying !! DD is saying she is scared in school and tries to tell the teacher but they don't listen .

I told the teacher I wasn't feeling reassured which was basically met with a what do you want me to do feeling . This is the same teacher she had for nursery so we know each other pretty well. She assures me she would tell me at the end of the day if she was upset etc .

There's been a few incidents of a boy giving her a Chinese burn on her wrist and she was crying and told the teacher . Next day I mentioned it to the teaching assistant who said to my DD in a harsh tone "well you shouldn't be going home and telling
Mummy" and my DD replied that she told the proper teacher to which the teaching assistant replied " well it's been dealt with go on the carpet " my DD walked away head down looking for a space to sit ! Now I'm sorry but WTF !! I'm still livid . I brought this up with the proper teacher later that day and mentioned I felt so sad for DD I felt like bringing her home to which she replied " you can't do that she legal has to be here and we will prosecute you being so arsey !" I was like wtf again lol ... fuming !

Now she's saying some another kid keeps saying nasty things to her and pulling her hair !! I feel like she's the easy target at the minute for some older kids .

She is just not the same kid who I put in reception. Question is how else can I help her settle apart from reassuring her all the time and how long would you leave it before speaking again to school . Half term is three weeks away .

I just can't bear to see her this upset and anxious !! Any advice appreciated !! I am still very much annoyed with the conversation I had with the teacher although I have seen her since and she is all happy and smiley to me. X

Oh poor girl
I'd not have been happy with the reaction to your concerns at all. They are still babies 😢 And need looking out for not to be told not to tell mummy if it's already been sorted! Also I'm pretty sure she doesn't actually legally have to do reception yet. So that's wrong and I would've corrected it! School isn't compulsory until the term after they turn 5.
I'd just keep bringing it up with them if she's upset, whether it annoys them or not. She's your baby and all you want to do is make sure she's not upset when you leave her. It's horrible isn't it! I worry all day.

 

[cat_reversing]

I don't find the teachers responses reasonable, especially the language used and threats. I'd ask school reception for a meeting with the headteacher asap, they are there to support you. If you're not happy and feel unsupported by the class teacher, go higher.

 

[justmeinlove]

I would literally kick off now. Your child is trying to deal with the situation and is being told to shut up. Your child is being physically attacked and the school isn’t bothered. Your child is unhappy and they don’t seem to care.
You, should you wish, have every right to not send her in and just say you are home educating (once she’s 5).

When we have asked our reception teachers to keep an eye on our daughter to help her with one little concern or another, they have been lovely and really done so. I think it’s crucial to talk to and help little children. Kick off!

 

[Babybump87]

Thanks Kirsty . I am in the UK and she doesn't legally have to be there until next March so she got her facts wrong there !! I do worry all day if she's been fine and not crying!

Thanks Cat I've made a note of everything and if there are any more incidents I am going straight to the head teachers not messing about with the class teacher !!

Justme - In the past this teacher has been a gem and soo supportive so I was kinda shocked ! Teaching assistant is the first time dealing with her and I've got my eye on that cow for sure !

On a good note DD wasn't as bad over the weekend or going into school this morning no tears just asking why she has to go . I was delighted she wasn't anxious or upset as she would have been. The teacher also said on Friday she was thinking about DD and how they could help her so they are going to do an activity about big school . Whatever that entailes! So hopefully she went home and thought about her actions / response!

Picked her up today and she said she said the same boy was kicking her in the back at "together time " time and she couldn't tell the teacher because they are not allowed to talk ! "Together time" my arse . Teacher is getting told tomorrow to keep this kid away from DD. He's now give her a Chinese burn on her arm , repeating things she is saying , saying nasty things to her and pulling her hair !!
#kick off !
Just adding I don't want them to wrap her in cotton wool while in school but I do want them to make sure she safe and comfortable

But she's happy !!!
Thanks all !

 

[justmeinlove]

It’s not cotton wool - that wouldn’t be ok if it was a situation involving grownups!

 

[lau86]

Poor thing. If it's just one boy could you try approaching his mum or dad?

 

[CaptainMummy]

My daughter had exactly the same problem with a boy in her class for about half of last year. Turns out it wasn't just her, and this boy was hurting alot of the girls. I mentioned to the teacher a few times but it was never dealt with, so I went in and spoke to the head teacher. She assured me that it would stop. It never. I went and spoke to her again and basically went ballistic. The boy has behavioural issues (I'm not sure why he was never closely supervised tbh) and he never wanted to hurt my daughter. Quite the opposite, he wanted to play with her and didn't know how to accept that she didn't want to play (same goes for her whole group of friends, they were all tormented by him.) It did get sorted out eventually, and she hasn't had any bother from him this year.

I would absolutely go and speak to the head teacher don't be scared to voice your concerns. Hope it all gets sorted, must be tough especially as she is just not happy going in!

 

[Babybump87]

Poor thing. If it's just one boy could you try approaching his mum or dad?

It's just the one boy . I've spoken with the teacher who said this boy is so loving and kind he doesn't mean it in a nasty way . I said well DD doesn't like it and I would rather the children kept their hands off my DD as she uncomfortable with it . Said she is going to keep an eye on it .

 

[Babybump87]

Thanks Mrsmurphy ! Awww I'm glad your DDs situation get sorted out it's just a shame we all have to kick up a fuss to get there ! I'm going to keep my eye on things and see how they go over the next three weeks

She was happy going to school this morning and said she had made two new best friends and was looking forward to playing with them . I nearly cried felt so happy for her . She came
Out of school delighted and was telling me all about her day and it went quick !! I'm so pleased !

I really hope we have turned a corner. I think they know I am onto them and won't let things just slide ! Thanks for all your input ladies appreciate your replies ! Hopefully I won't need to update this thread again !!