resentment... <long>

[kayjor04]

So i really need a little vent... and maybe some advice on how to deal with this.. if anyone has ever been in my shoes...

So, As single moms, we all know we have to build our own support group around us... Well.. My mom has the potential to be a great support, and she really does i guess all she can... But i find myself getting angry and resenting her... alot.. heres the story.

My mom at 46 year old, fantastic woman, who was in a 21 year long marriage... divorced when i was 12. she was single for a long time after... about 2 years ago.. she meets this guy.. Hes 30 years old.... (yeah shes 46, hes 30, and i'm almost 22) now if he was a mature 30, fine, but hes not. Hes a loser. he has nothing going for him... i mean nothing.. he works part time at a sobeys bakery (for those of you who are not canadian.. sobeys is one of our chains of grocery stores) and basically lives off my mother... still plays with action figures... So when i was 19 or 20 i moved back in with mom to save some cash, and her bf lives there too... So when i found out i was preggers, i had planned on staying there till jordyn was about 6 months old.
when the babe was 2 months old... her bf and i got in a huge row because he was screaming and yelling at my mom for 2 hours, i had company over, and a baby that was trying to sleep. Long story short, he made some threats, blew cig smoke in the babes face... and i called the cops. Mother decided to give him another chance.. i moved out about 2 weeks after..

So to this day she still drops everything to pick his lazy deadbeat loser butt up from work... she cant seem to understand that he will NEVER be around my daughter ever again. she always tries to talk me into it, inreturn making me angry cause she gets upset that i wont let him near her...
anyways... she feels over extended cause shes trying to split her time between me and the baby, and her boyfriend... And i find myself really resenting her, because if it weren't for him, i could get a night for just me... or i could let her take the babe for the night....

I'm just at a loss... I miss my mom, and the relationship we had before this loser came along.... Does anyone think i'm over reacting?? am i being crazy? or should i keep standing my ground.. and pray for the day she leaves him???

thanks for reading this

 

[Carolyn]

not been in your shoes....but...does mum know how you feel?x

 

[Alexas Mommy]

He sounds like a real immature asshole. Your mother might just be with him for comfort. When I was 6, my Mother lost visitation rights to my sister and I, because of her Boyfriend (now Husband) My last day visiting with her overnight when I was six, he made me lift a heavy dresser that was tipped over for some reason (he said I threw it over, when I wasn't even around.) CPS didn't think her husband should be anywhere near kids, for that reason and so many others, and they told her she could have us back for good(we were foster kids) OR she could stay with her bf and not see us again-she chose her BF. It hurts knowing she chose a big asshole over her kids, I would never choose a man over Alexa. I know it's not the same situation, but if I were your Mother, I would wake up and get rid of the sleezebag, because obviously there is a reason why you don't let him around your child. I mean blowing smoke in a baby's face? Who the hell does that? I would have beat the crap out of him if he did that to my kid... ugh that makes me mad...

 

[sam's mum]

I don't think you're overreacting at all - I wouldn't let Sam anywhere near someone like that! As much as she might not want to leave him and be alone, the fact that she doesn't seem to understand why you don't want him near your daughter is strange. Was she there when he was making threats before you left? Can you talk to her and tell you how much you miss her, and explain why you won't let him near Jordyn? x

 

[kayjor04]

well, I've tried talking to her on multiple occasions, and yes, she was there when all this happened, because i was defending her.. cause he was screaming at her for 2 hours straight... when i told him to cut it out, he came upstairs and got in my face, calling me every dirty name you could think of... all the while mother was standing there saying nothing.

everytime i try to speak with her, she just gets upset... and shuts down. i dont understand the hodl he has on her... they dont even sleep in the room (snoring issues) but hes in the basement... and shes 2 floors up... hes not attractive (and shes gorgeous) hes got zero gooing for him (and she has a great job) i just wish there was an easier way to make her see..

I dont want to loose the relationship i worked so hard to re-build with my mom (when her and my father divorced i left and moved in with him... now hes halfway across the country ) But thats what it looks like is going to happen.... because i'm always angry with her.... its like a big black cloud hanging over my head... i'm dreading the holidays cause hes going to be with my family.... ugh.

 

[xarlenex]

What kind of person blows smoke in a helpless babies mouth!? Makes me sick!

It sounds like such a tricky situation to be in. But you've told your mum how you feel..there isn't really much else you can do Just hope she realises what shes losing before its too late xx

 

[Wobbles]

blew cig smoke in the babes face

Asshole!!!!!!!!!!

Do others in your family see this? Maybe she would listen to someone else?

Can't believe she stoo dback whist he cursed you up and down either. Bit shocked but sometimes you have to let go and not wish for something that is not there atm but hope one day it all pan sout how it should be.

Good luck x

 

[kayjor04]

she has my other siblings convinced i'm over reacting... (but i'm not the kind of persion to over react... i just dont do it, never have.... so sadly, no one else sees it from my point of view.) My uncle (ma's brother) actually... all three of them, hate him as well.... and are very vocal about it... but she just doesnt listen.
i would never choose a man over my daughter.... or be insensitive to her feelings towards him.

 

[wantababybump]

Aww babe! You already know how I feel about all this but I just wanted to send ya some hugs!! xx

 

[kayjor04]

awh thanks bebe.